Day 9 + 10

Was traveling on my fun abundance trip yesterday to San Francisco, so didn't have a chance to do the meditation. I missed it!! Today's was....interesting.

The breathing didn't want to be as intense today, so instead of forcing, I just flowed with that. When I started to really let go, my hands were drawn to my back on the left sacro-iliac joint..my body decided it wanted to lie down on its side and massage that area. As hands massaged they moved down a bit and went to strong sciatic blockage. OUCH!!! GAAAA!!! As I worked it, and just continued to follow my impulses, I rolled over on my back with my knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Then I made fists with each hand and put them smack dab into the sciatic nerves on each side of the pelvis. Then body started an undulating motion, with each side, in its turn, very sore as it bore down on the knuckles to knead that area. Not sure how long I was doing that, but it was for a good portion of the CD..probably almost half of it (20-30 minutes) as the tempo slowed down then picked up.

Had lots of awarenesses that bubbled up, but just as with dreams, many of them are lost to my conscious mind now. I know that if they are important to remember, they'll come back to me.

One that does stay is a wondering if my sacro-iliac joint thing (it gets highly tweaked from time to time to the point where I can't walk...and I have almost constant low level sciatica) is from when I had that kundalini thing years ago and discovered that if I held my hips a certain way the energy lessened/went away so I could function.

As far as this pea brain can remember (where does the brain go as we age???) this is the first time I've made that possible association. Can't remember if this was a problem before then or not...but I tend to think if so, it wasn't as bad. I tend to remember my back problems prior to that being at the thoracic level (bra line/heart chakra level).

At any rate....after doing that undulating thing for quite awhile, I noticed a bit of that abdominal pain again, so incorporated that into the massage, too. I started to feel energy rushing through my whole first and second chakras. This led to an impulse to self pleasure. Images of Shiva making love again, opening me, opening all my centers eventually led to intense orgasms.

My orgasmic energy has felt in transition these past two years. I've attributed it to stress, aging, or shiftings of some sort. But these opened me way up and felt more like they used to. When they were over, all the abdominal pains were gone, sciatica is way less and the beginnings of back tweaking I felt from walking uphill with heels in San Francisto are gone. (High heels on Nob Hill you might ask? What were you thinking, Pamm??? Hey...what can I say? Some things are really important).

I want to try and remember to feel my pelvis remaining open as it does today. I want to enhance that opening of the first and second chakras over the next few days. Roots, sexuality feel important. Plus... I think it would be good to do this meditation again today. Will see if there is time later this evening.

Art images:

First chakra from here

Second Chakra from here