Day 6 + 7

I never got enough time to post yesterday as I had company (my dramatic daughter was up from LA). But I did have a session...and it was a great one.

About half way through, my lower abdomen started hurting again, so I decided to dig into it. I contorted my body to get it from all angles. Then I found my fingers being drawn to the Spleen 9 point (in acupuncture, inside below the knee). Intense pain shot up and down my leg, through my leg so I just stayed with it, breathing all the way.

I noticed intense sexual energy coming up all through the session. When done, while coming down from the strong breathing, at one point I got nauseous. Yup...things are moving.

I'm thinking it would be so wonderful to be able to get some Rolfing done along with this. In the past, I've pondered how cool it would be to develop a system of combined intense bodywork/breathwork. I mean...of course I breathe with bodywork..how can I not? But I think it would be so cool if there was something where the worker coached intense breathing while doing release work in a certain body part.

Then todays's session was amazing. It came to me that when the music slowed down to just continue the intense breathing, making strong energy of my own. Great flash on all of life, really...just because the energy around me doesn't match mine, it's about keeping my own process and connection.

Body really let go. I went into a complete wave*.....I heard Richard say things this time that I haven't heard before and am loving this CD more and more every day. He said something to the effect of "when we attend to the breath, we make love with the Universe, the Beloved, OurSelves in body." This stayed with me.

..and then all of a sudden I was making love with Shiva.

He was blue. I felt him/us in Yab Yum, energy flowing from his Vajra, through my chakras, up to my heart then back to him, back to me over and over with every wave/thrust. Tears were streaming down. I felt all sorts of heart awakenings touching me, opening me.

It ended with me waving big time....feeling this overwhelming ecstatic opening (I think my arms were up at this point) to service to Shiva and All Beings. Ecstatic tears flowing freely. Wow.

Biggest message to me with this day's meditation?

Reminding myself: Where there is pain in the body, or fear in the mind, there lies my greatest power as it's the point where I hold myself back.

I'm playing more right where that lives...wherever it shows up...whether in my body or in my psyche.

Golly, this process is so cool. I'm enjoying it no end.

Just be.

____________________________________-

And how is all this affecting my world so far?

One of the things I have always loved about this work is that it's so organic. There generally aren't trumpets to announce: this is a direct result of what you're doing!!!!

I am happier, even more at peace, even though a few glitches in the matrix connected to last year showed up today.

Business is hugely, crazy busy. Lots of stuff looking good. But more important: I am detached. I'm not pushing, not running, but not emotionally engaging. I may start to "hope," but then it just just kindasorta happily flits away. No effort, really, just an organic letting go of its own accord...kinda like an old pattern that automatically engages out of habit but then gets bored because it finds no fuel to feed it.

My middle daughter, just left after what was the most peaceful, happy, connecting, joyous time this family's had together since the youngest was born (that would be almost 20 years ago). It began when the youngest one was one day old and middle daughter held her. Youngest screamed and it's been a battle ever since.

But "something" happened a few months back and the youngest changed. She has become calmer, more centered. Who knows where this stuff comes from? But it's here and it's all good. I've been callling it "the alien that inhabits my daughter's body," and her siblings are beginning to see what I mean. We're all kind of in shock that she actually hugged her sister goodbye, then kissed her on the cheek. She initiated it. There is no way I can begin to explain what that is for this family in the context of a blog post. But it's huge.

So, yes, little things in the scope of life, but huge in my world, indeed. I don't care where the shift came from...all I care about is that it's here. And it feels really really good.

___________________________________

* a wave is when the whole body/spine moves, undulates with the breath.

Art:

And isnt' the universe an interesting place?

For some reason, when I came out of the meditation, I thought...hm...Shiva blue? I generally think of Krishna as blue.

But then when I typed in "shiva yab yum" into google images, this image was the first to come up and you can find it from here. Love that stuff.