A 30 Day Journey

As I've said a few times in this blog, I've been kinda sorta in a bit of a limboland now for a couple of years. The cauldron's definitely been bubbling. Last Fall, I reached an all time low. Try as I might to be positive, to flow, to do/be all of that stuff, I was not a happy camper. I kept seeing it as a cycle of life, knowing it wouldn't last, but not finding respite. It kinda culminated with a huge family thing right before Christmas that jolted me big time with a situation that could have been lethal for one of my daughters. Muy scary for this Mom.

After looking at all the "what if's" and things that "could have been," ....and.... given other situations in my life that had been building and intense, I realized about April that I had to let go of lots.

Life started to turn.

About July, I feel I reached a new level of surrender and letting go. Then the beginning of August, another piece fell into place and there was an even greater release. At the same time, things in life started to "get better," incrementally.

Then last week, I went to one of my favorite blogs, be Conscious now by Kara-Leah Masina. She had a post about surrender. This led me to Zen Chill's article on letting go and surrender.

I began an internal program of surrendering even more. I refocused and made it strong intention to be even more conscious of every time I began to feel stress. If I felt a glitch in the matrix of any sort, I would try, as soon as possible, to remember trust and letting go. To feel safe. To not push down, not run. I sat even more in the middle of what used to make me twitch and which I would try to avoid to "be happy." I sat with pain if pain came up, sat with fear until it moved through, returning to remembering my Spirit. I felt myself going to a deeper level than I had been.

The idea of doing some Cathartic breathwork has been coming in over the last few weeks. Awhile ago, I had a client do a session. As she left, she asked me how often I do them. I had to answer that truthfully, it's been awhile. Until about six years ago, I had been doing them regularly but that lately my breathing practice is to just do things throughout the day in little mini meditations. Continued, gentle focus on the breath leads to the same result, but just more slowly.

That conversation stayed with me.

Life's been good but I think it's time to amp it up.

My favorite CD for breathwork was Jeru Kabbal's Quantum Light Breath. I found a new one done by a person I've mentioned on here, Richard Bach. This morning I decided to try it out for the first time. I love it.

During the meditation, it came to me to do this process every day for 30 days. As so much of life is out of my conscious control right now and I can't get a strong direction as to where to go, it came to me that what needs to happen right now is to refocus on intense Spirit Growth in a way that I haven't in a long time.

So, for the next 30 days (except when traveling):

I commit to doing this meditation at least once every day. Then throughout the day, in between sessions to continue to do mini meditations of surrender.

I commit to restarting my daily yoga practice.

I commit to getting back on the path if I fall off.

I commit to learn new levels of surrender. I am willing to let go of any relationship that does not serve, every living situation that does not serve, every idea about how my life should look, everything I know. I also let go of having any need for having anything "come out" of this adventure.

And, for the next 30 days, I will use this blog to record the journey.

Cool.

Art:

Surrender from here