It's been a very long time since I've posted. Thanks and Many Blessings to those of you who continue to visit.
In my absence, my whole life has changed. Much of it has been a tumultuous shifting. I've moved 400 miles away from the beautiful Northern California town I called home for thirty years. I sold my home, sold lots of my stuff, packed most the remaining stuff in storage.
I left family, friends and a way of life that was laid back, comfy and connected, while being close enough to a large city to be able to enjoy that life when I wanted to. My old hometown has a strong sense of family and community.
I loaded only what could fit in my Camry and I moved right smack dab in the middle of Hollywood. I now hear helicopters flying overhead much of the time. Asphalt and cement have replaced trees and grass. I know very few people when I used to see tons of acquaintances every time I went out.
The move down here was not under the best of circumstances. I had to let go of a dream I've had, a passion I've held onto for four years, the vision I had of what the rest of my life would look like. I've let go of that dream and have relocated down here to rebuild my life, as a 51 year old woman with no job, an odd sort of work history and no dream or clear direction as of yet.
Initially, I felt lots of resistence. I cried rivers of tears in the grieving and letting go. I've been grieving loss of so much on so many levels. I left two daughters...one in emotional and relationship trouble. I left the opportunity to be a daily part of my two grandchildren's lives. I left a strong circle of women friends who are family to me.
In the middle of all of it, I re-discovered Eckhart Tolle's book A New Awakening. I've read so many books on this stuff, I have to admit to a certain degree of resistence the first readthrough. But Life was so Big, I wanted a guide, a friend to hold my hand. I found it. Thank you, Echkhart.
Nothing new, but what a gift...and so eloquently said. I've heard the same thing over and over and over, but each time I hear it anew. And, once again, I'm struck by the beauty of Life.
It's about the Breath. It's about being present to all of Life. It's about being right here, right now and melting into Existence and Consciousness. It's about resisting nothing, continuing to remember to let it all flow through us, holding onto nothing, allowing everything, breathing, breathing, breathing with all our awareness both inner and outer.
Books, Tapes, Teachers keep us on track. These Wisdom, Self Help, Awakening blogs echo the same message they teach us over and over and over. We really don't need any of the books, the blogs, the teachers. I don't, you don't, we don't. But they help us. We are little angels for each other in times of need when we forget who we are, lose ourselves in our fear. When we're in the middle of crisis, they help...all of them do.
In the end, though, it's not the words that bring peace. The words remind us, help us focus, keep us on track...but it's us that does the play of finding our peace. It's the experiencing of peace, of Life without labelling, of holding ourselves in that space of merging with The All that eventually brings us back to ourselves. We have to do this stuff. Just do it. It's pretty cool.
We may only be able to access it for a few seconds at first. But if we keep revisiting throughout the day, eventually those little seconds expand into minutes, then increasing blocks of minutes. Soon we're connectiong to our Essence in longer and longer intervals. Trust returns, we feel the embrace of love and all is well.
I'm happy. It was a good idea to move here.
