Day 14- Being Gentle With Myself

Whenever I coach folks in breathwork, I always end the sessions reminding people to be gentle with themselves. To go slowly through the next few days, holding themselves like they would a child. I caution them to put as little on their plates as possible and to just be with all that bubbles up in awarnesses and openings. That shiftings will occur over the course of the next few weeks or so, so to just follow your inner guidance as to what you'll need.

Yesterday I stayed in trance pretty much all day. The only things Body wanted to eat were a few fruits and Miso. My lungs felt like they went all the way to my pubic bone and I found myself doing deep sighs every so often. I was in a haze all day, coming out only when I drove to do a few errands...which I probably shouldn't have done, but did. I easily slipped into trance again when I arrived back home.

I continued to feel energetic swirling, got weepy a few times so just cried at the state of the world. Not me, personally, just our condition as humans and how we choose pain and fear over and over....started to go there myself a few times, then went within again and remained in my blissbunny state. When the feelings came out my eyes, it was a release crying, leaving me cleansed, refreshed. I spent very little time at the computer, couldn't handle the energy of it. I engaged in my world around me and within me. Life as meditation.

I was reminded of the incredible amount of energy this work takes...both in the doing and the processing of it afterwards.

Today when I woke up, the trance had receeded, but I felt at peace.

I often wake up with strange things on my mind, but I have learned to listen to them and share when appropriate. Today I woke up feeling really vulnerable about this blog thing I'm doing here, sharing what has always been such an intensely private process for me. I feel mightily exposed. Vulnerable. Open. Raw. Just needed to say that. Tears.

With all this inner stuff going on (vulnerabilities, the caution of being gentle with the self), and putting aside my usual MO of Intense Italian Leo, I first thought to impose gentility on today's session. Then, a bit into it, I decided to just flow with what Body asked for.

It breathed gently. Never got to a really fast deep tempo. I went within. Again, focus was drawn to my power center. I kept opening and feeling expansion. Felt nausea again, but only faintly and I used it to localize where to breathe into.

At one point I went into deep trance and felt the sparklies working my body. I don't know how else to describe it. I feel them like little fireflies/happy wormies of energy going where healing is needed. They kinda flitterflutter here in a little wiggle line, then move to another area. All the rest of the body hums. But I don't get them much in my abdomen.

In fact, I don't feel much in my abdomen. In fact, at one point, it occurred to me that when I tune into the energetics of my belly, there is a void. I got an image of rolling around on my stability ball both directions in turn, first opening the front then the back of the chakra center. Again...I felt yearning for some deep bodywork...we'll see what the future brings.

In the meantime, it was a nice, slow session, but I must still carry residuals from yesterday as I feel as if I had an intense session, not a gentle one. More grounded than yesterday, but I notice that when I stand up, I have to center. My ears are ringing and my head is vibrating. Thinking mind wants to go back and read up on third chakra opening exercises. None that I recommend are calling me in this moment so will see what hits as right for me today.

Art:

Surrender by Elizabeth Moss