Days 16, 17

Yesterday's session was gentle. Not much to speak of. I find that when I do the sessions in different rooms, I have a different experience. The one room where the experiences are more intense is darker, more private, feels more cocoonish.

Today's started off a bit scattered but then I got into it. Immediately felt heat prickles in my upper chest. The tenderness that was there two days ago had peaked yesterday and is almost gone today.

The breathing got strong, but I decided to not push it as I still feel like my body is integrating the earlier sessions this week. I did have nice out of body trance stuff, some slight nausea, but it subsided when I breathed into it and expanded that area with the breath.

I am noticing these past two days that I am quick to have intense emotional responses to people...I am less patient. That's not like me. It passes pretty quickly and makes no sense, but there it is.

All in all, pretty quiet on the western front, stuff gently brewing.

Image from here

Day 15

Wow...Holy Kamoly this sure is getting interesting to me. Today's session was unlike any I've experienced in any of the breathwork sessions I've done this round or the many I've done in the past.

I began thinking it wouldn't be anything intense, wondering if my body would still be bubbling from a few days before. Then the breath started to breathe me. What I mean by that is that it just went into its own rhythm instead of me trying to make it harder or faster.

At first, mind thought to "work on" the third chakra as that was what came up yesterday. But then I felt the most bizarre thing....never felt it before. It was like a rolling flutter of energy (man this stuff is so difficult to describe) started a bit above my heart moving outward and down my hands. It kept happening. I just continued to breathe and feel, but then it felt like Body wanted more assistance. So I began a thymus tap. This is the endocrine gland located above the heart which is pretty shriveled up by adulthood. Alternative healers (of a certain flavor) suggest doing a tapping on it every day to restimulate it to grow and open. Then..shoot...can't remember how many years ago, but I heard that some chakra healers were saying that this was beginning to open as one of the chakra centers.

I don't know about that stuff, but I do know that my body was feeling what it was feeling and it wanted me to tap it. Then pound it, like an neurotic gorilla (these are the things that flash through this brain). So I did. I waled on it, using fingers alternating with closed fists. While it hurt (the area was really tender to the touch) I kept feeling like it was moving the energy. And there was no way that I couldn't be doing it. Yes, I could have stopped but the urge was strong to continue so I did it for a long while.

Then my breathing really started to be raspy. I kept drawing in a tremendous amount of air, and doing the outbreath just as strongly, moaning/rasping with each outbreath...um..kinda loudly.

I felt strong energy in a continuous flow out my hand and feet. Then, my body started to wave big time with the breaths and with each inhale, my head wanted to go back so my face was upward to the sky. I started to feel energy coming out my mouth and all of a sudden images of the movie "The Fifth Element" and pictures of saints with those shootings of energy came to mind. I remember flashing that the breath is life force. Every time I tried to slow the breath down, Body wanted more..not to push it, just to open. Strong beams of energy kept flowing out my hands, feet, heart, and mouth. I was able to let them flow (thanks, I think to the Tantric work I've done with holding energy and not needing to direct or stop the flow....high states of arousal with total relaxation).

I remembered flashes of an email I had written to a friend describing tetany in breathwork and how I don't get it any more. As he is a biological scientist, he was trying to understand the physiology of what's going on with me here. I conveyed my personal experiences in both my body and my coaching that when people start doing this breathwork, they exhibit many of the symptoms of hyperventilation. The first sign is a tingling around the mouth and fingers. Eventully it can lead to tetany, which generally first shows up in the hands and feet freezing up into claws. It's very painful and can lead to the whole body freezing up in pain. It has been my experience, though, that when the breather has a release of some emotional or psychic pain, both the emotions and the body release their hold simultaneously, not more pain, just bliss. So that what's going on can't be explained (to my satisfaction, anyway) as mere physiology of O2 excess or CO2 deficiency (they go together).

I told him that I no longer get that tetany of the hands or feet, but that my body went to pain where the blocks remained. What I forgot to talk about is the huge amount of energy that flows out the hands and feet. It's like there's energy pouring out holes in the palms and soles. I flashed that in a new breather, it could be that the hands and feet contract because their bodies are not prepared for the incredible amount of energy, so subconsciously try to hold it back.

Mind goes in flashes during these sessions because it's just stuff coming up/into consciousness. Unfortunately, it leaves just as quickly.

When I stopped stomping my upper chest and just breathed, I felt tremendous movement pouring out of that area. Opening. Flow. I felt the energy move into my throat. It wanted to be open. At first, that movement with wave and head back, face towards the sky was enough, but then it wanted to be able to completely relax into the feelings without having to effort in any way....even keeping itself up.

So, even though it was difficult to move, I tried to position the zafu pillow on its side so that I could drape my head over the elevated edge. That wouldn't work (too much efforting to hold my body up) so I went on a bed and hung my head over the side, throat exposed and continued to breathe.

After a few minutes, I felt a bubble of energy (can't figure out how else to describe it) start to form in my second chakra between the two hip bones. It kinda bubbled there...sometimes moving up a bit into the belly...then it would be down there again in the second ckakra area. I didn't feel it go down, like maybe it flowed up a bit with a breath then formed again? Not sure, but I definitely felt something trippy.

Not sure how long I stayed there, but eventually, the breath started to slow down. I tried to lay on my side, which is the position my body usually goes into for comfort, but it was having none of that. I had to be on my back, so that the chest was unimpeded. There was no way that amount of energy was going to be slowed down by any body positioning my mind thought appropriate or went to out of habit.

Oh...should mention that all day yesterday I felt my chest opening more and more breaths. I'm noticing I'm standing and sitting straighter. Body won't not.(smile)

It came to me to try and write this all down as soon as I could move..so I made myself get up, go to the computer and write. Dizzy. This is what was written with eyes closed, hardly able to move my fingers...no editing:

"not out of session yet, but need to write before I forget...stumble to computer...no pain in stomachor heart..moved to thuippoer chest...thyumus...pressure....keep breathing. body wants to do thymus tap so did until pounding on chst for long time.. pain...paniting...hoarse breathing ..pain sejsatono fo letting go i nhands feet ,ehce....head moves up and ak with each breath...five elements...pictures os fisaings...hands no pain but were before....eintnest pain snesaion..not pain...energy life..moving into throat....ears pluggeg...head swimmingn...go to bed and hang head over side....intesne energy from throat...thenfrom fifth chakra..bivbtating...slo ball of negy moving from there up..."

Hehehe..I'm thinking I translated it pretty well..who knows what some of that middle stuff was. Note to self...get a tape recorder.

After writing the above, I stumbled into my bed and pulled the covers over me to snuggle. I felt my body humming and my upper chest prickle. It felt like a cross between wool and what I would imagine burlap to feel like on the skin- more than an itch, not pain. I feel asleep for two hours, coming in and out of sleep and not being able to move, just feeling all the energy still working.

The rest of the day, today, I feel my breath all the way to my pubic bone and all the way up to my shoulders. When I check in, I notice I'm doing deep belly breathing even unconsciously now, like I used to before this last two years of slowly shutting my body down in pain.

During the course of today's meditation, I wondered what would happen if I did this, not for a month, but for a year. Today I thought I could just totally devest and start my cave stint (my kids have always said they think I'll end up in a cave some day, a hermit/nun), breathing, feeling the energy flowing all inside me and around me. Yum.

There's lots of stuff coming up around abundance for me. A few days ago, I realized that when outrageous abundance seems very close, somewhere way deep, I get terrified. I hadn't noticed until awhile back when it came to me that every time it gets close I drink lots or eat a bunch of chocolate.

I hadn't even noticed it before....but it's like I can't handle it so I try to bury the feelings of fear...like it's too much so I have to weigh my body down to handle the possibility of it all and stay grounded.

I also realized today that I have attracted a mirror of judgment into my life embodied in two people. Both are friends. I project that both have judgments to differing degrees around what I'm doing or not doing with my life right now. Both want to support me and consider me their friend. They care. But I feel judged. I am not saying they judge me as they have never said that directly...I am saying I am projecting that. The person who was my previous mirror for that died in April, and I wondered who would show up to take his place. Today I was able to identify where.

And I realized that in the stuff I'm doing/not doing with my life...the stuff/gift that triggered my decision to to do this journey to release and surrender/allow all that will be, mostly around abundance and relationship. It's not that I want the money, the stuff. It's not that I care that I may decide to sell my house.

It's the shame of failure. I have it inside me and I have plenty of mirrors for me.....my kids before, some of my friends, many people who know me but not well...those who only know some surface stuff.

As I've been talking about with my best friend for awhile now, I'm in the middle of something where if it succeeds I get to be seen as a warrior who believed in My Voice-who trusted my inner guidance no matter what the world around me said, no matter what kind of fear it's brought up for me.

If it doesn't come through, I will get the opportunity to judge myself as an idiot..someone who was in the middle of something that made no sense, had no footing, was not grounded or safe in any way. Not logical. The Path of the Risk Taker.

But this is the really fun part: the longer I stay the more of a warrior or fool I become...and all depends on forces that lead to outcomes outside my control. (kinda sorta sounds like life, yes?)

It's not about the loss of the "stuff," it's the ego shame/loss of having made decisions when I'm using logic that is not linear. It's bringing up all my stuff around my Path, all my memories of past lives when I was burned. And in this life, there isn't the fear of being literally burned. It's what I call "the dumb shit factor" (a phrase I coined from that friend who died. He used to say so many people "were dumbshits"....and I told him I had a hard time trusting him with my inner stuff because I thought he would lable me that in his mind).

I've been tip toe-ing on the edges of this shame....not wanting to really embrace how it will be to walk thinking that my decisions had led to a major step...no giant leap backward.

My prayer today, while on my walk, was to learn to live with this and surrender to that, allow that possibility in my life...

How will it be to walk if this does not work within the next few months? I am no longer running from it. I am willing to face that terror now, so that if it happens, I have practiced it so that it is my friend.

And in the midst of all this, I'm really pretty darn happy and at peace. It's all just awarenesses, flittering through. Kinda like...oh...that's interesting....hm....would ya look at that....cool....nice to be putting things like that together.

Funny....fear if it works, fear if it doesn't. What a pretty pickle!

And, wow...feeling even more exposed and vulnerable with this all out there. Whew....
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I send a prayer to the monks and people of Myanmar/Burma. May they find peace and freedom within the contrast they are experiencing now.

Day 14- Being Gentle With Myself

Whenever I coach folks in breathwork, I always end the sessions reminding people to be gentle with themselves. To go slowly through the next few days, holding themselves like they would a child. I caution them to put as little on their plates as possible and to just be with all that bubbles up in awarnesses and openings. That shiftings will occur over the course of the next few weeks or so, so to just follow your inner guidance as to what you'll need.

Yesterday I stayed in trance pretty much all day. The only things Body wanted to eat were a few fruits and Miso. My lungs felt like they went all the way to my pubic bone and I found myself doing deep sighs every so often. I was in a haze all day, coming out only when I drove to do a few errands...which I probably shouldn't have done, but did. I easily slipped into trance again when I arrived back home.

I continued to feel energetic swirling, got weepy a few times so just cried at the state of the world. Not me, personally, just our condition as humans and how we choose pain and fear over and over....started to go there myself a few times, then went within again and remained in my blissbunny state. When the feelings came out my eyes, it was a release crying, leaving me cleansed, refreshed. I spent very little time at the computer, couldn't handle the energy of it. I engaged in my world around me and within me. Life as meditation.

I was reminded of the incredible amount of energy this work takes...both in the doing and the processing of it afterwards.

Today when I woke up, the trance had receeded, but I felt at peace.

I often wake up with strange things on my mind, but I have learned to listen to them and share when appropriate. Today I woke up feeling really vulnerable about this blog thing I'm doing here, sharing what has always been such an intensely private process for me. I feel mightily exposed. Vulnerable. Open. Raw. Just needed to say that. Tears.

With all this inner stuff going on (vulnerabilities, the caution of being gentle with the self), and putting aside my usual MO of Intense Italian Leo, I first thought to impose gentility on today's session. Then, a bit into it, I decided to just flow with what Body asked for.

It breathed gently. Never got to a really fast deep tempo. I went within. Again, focus was drawn to my power center. I kept opening and feeling expansion. Felt nausea again, but only faintly and I used it to localize where to breathe into.

At one point I went into deep trance and felt the sparklies working my body. I don't know how else to describe it. I feel them like little fireflies/happy wormies of energy going where healing is needed. They kinda flitterflutter here in a little wiggle line, then move to another area. All the rest of the body hums. But I don't get them much in my abdomen.

In fact, I don't feel much in my abdomen. In fact, at one point, it occurred to me that when I tune into the energetics of my belly, there is a void. I got an image of rolling around on my stability ball both directions in turn, first opening the front then the back of the chakra center. Again...I felt yearning for some deep bodywork...we'll see what the future brings.

In the meantime, it was a nice, slow session, but I must still carry residuals from yesterday as I feel as if I had an intense session, not a gentle one. More grounded than yesterday, but I notice that when I stand up, I have to center. My ears are ringing and my head is vibrating. Thinking mind wants to go back and read up on third chakra opening exercises. None that I recommend are calling me in this moment so will see what hits as right for me today.

Art:

Surrender by Elizabeth Moss

Days 11-13

Day 11's meditation was nothing to write about, so I didn't. Just breathed, felt. Nothing big.

Yesterday on Day 12, I did a short session as I spent from 9am - 4:30 doing a daylong Vipassana Meditation retreat with John Travis. The breathing session, again was not huge as it was short. But I figured it would suffice to get me "in the mood" meditatively, anyway.

The day was lovely. I wondered if I could sit that long, as the last time I did that long a meditation was in 1996 when I did a ten day silent meditation retreat at the California Vipassana Center in North Fork as a gift to myself. I did fine. I experienced lots of that vibrating in my sixth chakra area when I would would scan my body for "energetic holdings onto" then clear it so all the energy would flow freely.

We alternated between sitting and walking meditations, which was nice. I felt myself dive deep. It was a good thing.

Then maybe because of yesterday, today's breathwork session was the most powerful since I've started doing this 30 day thing. I'm still in a trance, having a difficult time functioning, haven't had the ability to be coherent enough to write anything. I'm thinking that may be partially due to my deciding to continue to go within and not shut things down fully, going back into my body, feeling, being in meditation like I was yesterday. I opened lots, can feel energy swirling.

I did some Tantric stuff at the beginning and got my body totally open and energized. So when the strong music started I kept breathing it until it started to slow down then reversed (rewound?) the CD to its beginning. I did this three times. I'm a little hazy on what all happened, but I know it was intense.

At one point I remember feeling like there was so much energy my body would blow up, but in a good way. I felt no blocks and felt really good about that, feeling like the Tantra stuff and all that I've been doing had released lots. But somehow, I think I couldn't feel my third chakra.

Then I remember saying an intense prayer to totally open and remove all blocks that were remaining. My heart started to hurt lots. Then I couldn't breathe. I started to feel that old compression I used to feel and said to myself.."yup....here we are, where we left off years ago when you were doing this big time before and decided you didn't want to go here yet....we get to play here again...maybe now it's time." I just kept forcing the air into my lungs past the compression. Hurt. Pain. Intense.

I remember lying on my side again, rubbing sciatica, feeling pelvis open, feeling abdomen open, heart constricted. Hazy... then I remember the music slowing down a bit and going really deeply into bodytrance....then all of a sudden bolting up because I was sure I was going to vomit. It felt like right before the hurl. Got frustrated with myself for pushing the sensation down reflexively. But then I remember lying back down again and going really deep into my body there.

Felt tingling, sparkling, shifting. Energy was moving around, I felt slightly nauseous so just breathed into it and felt it open, move. Kept breathing. Then I felt it moving into my heart, slowly moving like it did here, up my head and out the top, but not freely flowing..kinda like it was oozing out a small opening where in the previous experience it felt like the whole top of my head had blown off and energy was streaming. My arms felt all light and tingly whereas before they had been heavy and hurt.

So I just stayed there, breathing, feeling, opening, staying with all the sensations. I laid there a very long time, in the fetal position, feeling total blissbunnyness.

I have no energy to find art. It was good, I feel wonderful. Blessings abounding. I surrender to all of it.

Day 9 + 10

Was traveling on my fun abundance trip yesterday to San Francisco, so didn't have a chance to do the meditation. I missed it!! Today's was....interesting.

The breathing didn't want to be as intense today, so instead of forcing, I just flowed with that. When I started to really let go, my hands were drawn to my back on the left sacro-iliac joint..my body decided it wanted to lie down on its side and massage that area. As hands massaged they moved down a bit and went to strong sciatic blockage. OUCH!!! GAAAA!!! As I worked it, and just continued to follow my impulses, I rolled over on my back with my knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Then I made fists with each hand and put them smack dab into the sciatic nerves on each side of the pelvis. Then body started an undulating motion, with each side, in its turn, very sore as it bore down on the knuckles to knead that area. Not sure how long I was doing that, but it was for a good portion of the CD..probably almost half of it (20-30 minutes) as the tempo slowed down then picked up.

Had lots of awarenesses that bubbled up, but just as with dreams, many of them are lost to my conscious mind now. I know that if they are important to remember, they'll come back to me.

One that does stay is a wondering if my sacro-iliac joint thing (it gets highly tweaked from time to time to the point where I can't walk...and I have almost constant low level sciatica) is from when I had that kundalini thing years ago and discovered that if I held my hips a certain way the energy lessened/went away so I could function.

As far as this pea brain can remember (where does the brain go as we age???) this is the first time I've made that possible association. Can't remember if this was a problem before then or not...but I tend to think if so, it wasn't as bad. I tend to remember my back problems prior to that being at the thoracic level (bra line/heart chakra level).

At any rate....after doing that undulating thing for quite awhile, I noticed a bit of that abdominal pain again, so incorporated that into the massage, too. I started to feel energy rushing through my whole first and second chakras. This led to an impulse to self pleasure. Images of Shiva making love again, opening me, opening all my centers eventually led to intense orgasms.

My orgasmic energy has felt in transition these past two years. I've attributed it to stress, aging, or shiftings of some sort. But these opened me way up and felt more like they used to. When they were over, all the abdominal pains were gone, sciatica is way less and the beginnings of back tweaking I felt from walking uphill with heels in San Francisto are gone. (High heels on Nob Hill you might ask? What were you thinking, Pamm??? Hey...what can I say? Some things are really important).

I want to try and remember to feel my pelvis remaining open as it does today. I want to enhance that opening of the first and second chakras over the next few days. Roots, sexuality feel important. Plus... I think it would be good to do this meditation again today. Will see if there is time later this evening.

Art images:

First chakra from here

Second Chakra from here

Day 8- Abundance, The Body And The Past

Right off the bat, I could tell the mind was racing today as I'm getting ready to leave for a night's adventure with a dear companion.

When I coach people, I often suggest that they ask a question or put out a prayer so they can receive answers during the session...then to let it go and see what comes up. Today my question was a wondering what my blocks are to outrageous financial abundance.

I am Blessed in this area. I've definitely been through scary times, but my overall belief is that, in the end, I am always taken care of. I flashed on this book I once read called "The Trick To Money Is Having Some." It was a hilarious book about personal growth folk (he is one of them) and how it's often difficult for us to manifest big money. The author's thoughts were that it's harder for those on a spiritual path to be outrageously abundant because we put so much on it, bring so much conflicted energy to it that we put up blocks to it. I'm not in angst around money right now, but I am curious so I thought it a good time to ask....and just receive whatever came up.

Body wanted to move. Monkey Mind..or what I thought was Monkey Mind, began. But I decided to let it flow, not push away to see where it would go.

At one point, about ten minutes in, Body wanted attention...so I began massaging in my abdomen...no....that is only slightly tender now. What was holding before is now releasing. Legs are tender but no shooting, intense pain.

Arms wanted to dance so they did. Then, when I wasn't paying attention, all of a sudden they were on my back. They went to the lumbar region, the only place in my spine that's frozen. I see chiropractors, healers always being drawn there, but realizing the work is way too much to do in one or seventeen sessions. I yearn for Rolfing....two rounds with emphasis here. Maybe intense bone crunching chiropractic in the off days??? Or...maybe...it occurs to me...this is good for right now and am I'm not going so that I can create something new????

The snippets of awarenesses began.

-There I am swinging high into the sky...about three...singing...feeling like the creator of my world.

-There I am at 7, overweight, dancing when I see a neighbor laughing at me, stopping my dancing in shame.

-There I am in Jr. High....in gym....shamed. Still overweight, I am trying to do gymnastics. I do one of those summersaults over five people, land on my back and knock the wind out of me. The pain is in my lumbar (...today's mind asks if this is the origin of this frozen area..mind, body, mind...this is the back part of the pain in the abdomen). I get up,walk to my friend whisper "I can't breathe." When she wants to get the teacher, I tell her no..shame over my body and its inability to do this stuff is too much to be noticed here in this class where I have no abilities.

-the area right under my heart starts to hurt...does this block in my back power center hold back energy and opening of my heart?

-which leads to awarenesses about love

How I am conditional in how I am willing to share my love
How when I open to love with one person, I open to love with another....love begets love
How maybe my outrageous financial abundance is blocked because heart is blocked..as isn't abundance about letting in love?
About how blessed I am

Curious to see what awarenesses continue to bubble up today around this. Good stuff continues.


No time for art image searches today...I am off to be abundantely wined and dined and arted and funned. Yum.

Day 6 + 7

I never got enough time to post yesterday as I had company (my dramatic daughter was up from LA). But I did have a session...and it was a great one.

About half way through, my lower abdomen started hurting again, so I decided to dig into it. I contorted my body to get it from all angles. Then I found my fingers being drawn to the Spleen 9 point (in acupuncture, inside below the knee). Intense pain shot up and down my leg, through my leg so I just stayed with it, breathing all the way.

I noticed intense sexual energy coming up all through the session. When done, while coming down from the strong breathing, at one point I got nauseous. Yup...things are moving.

I'm thinking it would be so wonderful to be able to get some Rolfing done along with this. In the past, I've pondered how cool it would be to develop a system of combined intense bodywork/breathwork. I mean...of course I breathe with bodywork..how can I not? But I think it would be so cool if there was something where the worker coached intense breathing while doing release work in a certain body part.

Then todays's session was amazing. It came to me that when the music slowed down to just continue the intense breathing, making strong energy of my own. Great flash on all of life, really...just because the energy around me doesn't match mine, it's about keeping my own process and connection.

Body really let go. I went into a complete wave*.....I heard Richard say things this time that I haven't heard before and am loving this CD more and more every day. He said something to the effect of "when we attend to the breath, we make love with the Universe, the Beloved, OurSelves in body." This stayed with me.

..and then all of a sudden I was making love with Shiva.

He was blue. I felt him/us in Yab Yum, energy flowing from his Vajra, through my chakras, up to my heart then back to him, back to me over and over with every wave/thrust. Tears were streaming down. I felt all sorts of heart awakenings touching me, opening me.

It ended with me waving big time....feeling this overwhelming ecstatic opening (I think my arms were up at this point) to service to Shiva and All Beings. Ecstatic tears flowing freely. Wow.

Biggest message to me with this day's meditation?

Reminding myself: Where there is pain in the body, or fear in the mind, there lies my greatest power as it's the point where I hold myself back.

I'm playing more right where that lives...wherever it shows up...whether in my body or in my psyche.

Golly, this process is so cool. I'm enjoying it no end.

Just be.

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And how is all this affecting my world so far?

One of the things I have always loved about this work is that it's so organic. There generally aren't trumpets to announce: this is a direct result of what you're doing!!!!

I am happier, even more at peace, even though a few glitches in the matrix connected to last year showed up today.

Business is hugely, crazy busy. Lots of stuff looking good. But more important: I am detached. I'm not pushing, not running, but not emotionally engaging. I may start to "hope," but then it just just kindasorta happily flits away. No effort, really, just an organic letting go of its own accord...kinda like an old pattern that automatically engages out of habit but then gets bored because it finds no fuel to feed it.

My middle daughter, just left after what was the most peaceful, happy, connecting, joyous time this family's had together since the youngest was born (that would be almost 20 years ago). It began when the youngest one was one day old and middle daughter held her. Youngest screamed and it's been a battle ever since.

But "something" happened a few months back and the youngest changed. She has become calmer, more centered. Who knows where this stuff comes from? But it's here and it's all good. I've been callling it "the alien that inhabits my daughter's body," and her siblings are beginning to see what I mean. We're all kind of in shock that she actually hugged her sister goodbye, then kissed her on the cheek. She initiated it. There is no way I can begin to explain what that is for this family in the context of a blog post. But it's huge.

So, yes, little things in the scope of life, but huge in my world, indeed. I don't care where the shift came from...all I care about is that it's here. And it feels really really good.

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* a wave is when the whole body/spine moves, undulates with the breath.

Art:

And isnt' the universe an interesting place?

For some reason, when I came out of the meditation, I thought...hm...Shiva blue? I generally think of Krishna as blue.

But then when I typed in "shiva yab yum" into google images, this image was the first to come up and you can find it from here. Love that stuff.

Day 5- Pain

Yesterday's meditation began the pain. Today it was in full glory.

My guts hurt.

Today, while breathing, there was intense pain in my abdomen. I've been doing an intestinal cleanse for some time now, preparing for a liver cleanse.

It hasn't been comfortable.

Today, my guts cried out. My hands were drawn to my belly and I began to rub. At first, my hands were drawn on each side of my torso, doing an upward motion from my pubic bone to my ribs. When I noticed that the pain was intense on my right side, I laid down and massaged that area deeply. I wished I could contort to get my elbow in there.

I kept yearning for my Rolfer, wondering if this pain was my intestines or my psoas muscle.

Tears, releases....pain melting into freedom.

Power, safety, intuition. Trust flows.

This area wants my attention.

Image:

Third Chakra from here

Day 3-Monkey Mind

Oh my...today's meditation was so scattered. I could NOT focus. Monkey Mind was victorious in all its glory.

Body was twitchy, mind followed suit. Both were all over the place. I think it was a diversionary tactic as even with the mind spludge, legs cramping/spasming, my body went into the deep intense breathing quickly and easily when the music amped up. Partly, perhaps, because I did the first part twice before the build up (as I mentioned in the last post, I like to do more breathing before the pick up and then do the strong music a bit longer....opens me more...so that was my temporary "fix" for that today).

So since I was there in Monkey Mind I just went with pondering Monkey Mind. I'm not sure why we have it. I do know it's here. I know that most meditators fight it. Heck..I do, too. But, in this flow thing I'm doing, I'm wondering why it would be excluded from flow?

It was pretty clear something was starting to come to the surface. I'm wondering if Monkey Mind was there as a protection of some sort?

What came out of the meditation today was that I got really cranky...more indication of movement (or hormones...who knows?..but I prefer to think of it as stuff moving so there it is). It feels like stuff is flushing up. I was going to get my tennis racket and hit my bed with it to get the crankies out of my body (racket was bought solely for that purpose years ago) but life got busy today with out of town visitors and it never happened. I'm wondering if it will flush up again tomorrow.

I'm watching myself internally around situations that have been going on for these last two years. They persist but I have changed.

I've gone the rounds in my internal experience of them. At first, it was a true roller coaster ride. Talk about bi-polar time! Geeeeeeez.

That was so traumatic that I decided I had to detach. And...being an intense Italian Leo, I did things big the other way, too.

So when the roller coaster issues would come up, I could feel my body push them away...almost frantically. Don't get too happy, don't believe them, protect, protect, protect. I could feel myself talk myself out of feeling good about them in case things didn't work out. What was really going on was that I was energetically bracing myself for them to fail.

I would run internally. It was almost like those cartoon characters that will stand there with their hands behind their backs, eyes to the sky and whistle. Like..maybe if I ignore it, the fear will go away. Last year this time when things would happen, not only would I leave internally, but I would often physically leave and go for a walk. In my retreat, I would really really try really hard to force peace and happiness.

And just how silly does that sound? Tricksy mind, smile. We do the best we can.

Today I noticed that I feel nothing around the same issues. Truly nothing. No hope, no excitement, no fear. I watch. I feel no need to run, hide, whistle or walk. It's kind of like: well...OK..if this works out that would be grand, but if not, that will be grand, too. And isn't it a beautiful night here?...and look at the pretty trees dancing.

I wondered if the crankies earlier today were connected to this slow evolution of finding a different internal space around the stuff. I felt like a victim, I felt shame, fear, confusion, despair...all sorts of stuff. I had a few temper tantrums last year when things got like "The Twilight Zone," but don't think I allowed anger to get it out of my body.

Who knows???

...again...for me, the beauty of this work is that I don't know, don't have to know. I just shift.

But it is fun to wonder. Brains are a trip.

Note..although I committed to doing the breathing every day, I'm probably not going to post every day...but probably at least every other day if not more.

Image:

Monkeys from here

Day 2: Quantum Light Breath

As this is a Thursday's Tantra, I thought I would talk more about a Solo practice of a Dynamic Breathing Meditation called Quantum Light Breath, along with talking about the journey.

I love a new version of the meditation by Richard Bach and the QLB Orchestra. Rather than taking pieces of music from different artists and putting them together in a compilation (as all the other previous QLB CD's have been), the music here is all live. And it's beautiful. Richard's voice is always soothing and healing- has always made me purr. Along with the asthetics of his voice, his words in the CD really trigger body awarenesses and awakenings for me.

One of the things that he keeps talking about is making love to yourself, the universe, feeling the energy all the way down to the first chakra, opening the heart to unconditionally loving the self. He also brought focus for me to that area between the heart and throat chakra that some consider a "newly activated" chakra- The Thymus Chakra, vibrating at the color turquoise. This is where my focus is today.

I first started doing Jeru Kabbal's Quantum Light Breath tape in...wow...1993....maybe earlier. It's a profound tape that was (and probably still is) used by lots of workshop leaders because it just didn't get any better in terms of effectiveness for being a tool to help people open up. The music (much of it from the soundtrack to the movie "The Mission") had people releasing all over the place. I highly recommend it as a tool for healing. I'm glad to have both in my healing audio tool box.

It was wonderful waking up earlier than I usually do these days. When I was at my happiest, feeling the freest, I was waking up at 4:30 or 5. These days, it's more like 6:30. Today I was spontaneouly wide awake at 5:15 or so. I think my desire to get back in Spiritual Shape was enough to get me up and moving. I began the meditation soon after rising, then did yoga.

It was wonderful. During the meditation, I got more deeply into the breathing today, amping it up to even more of a circular open mouth panting. I noticed after awhile that although body unthinkingly and spontaneously does a pelvic tilt whenever I breathe to release, my PC doesn't unconciously engage. I tried to remember to do so, but lost it when I got fully into the breath.

I cried more yesterday. It felt wonderful to have that release both days. One of the things I've always loved about this type of work (and why I got so hooked on it) is that it releases all sorts of stuff that I don't even have to focus on. I don't have to "know" what healing takes place, I just know that the breath brings in more life, which automatically heals. Today, I felt emotions come up, started to tear some, but then they just fluttered through. releasing to the universe.

One thing that came this time is the realization of how much energy I expend in keeping my body tight, holding in energy- my shoulders, chest, belly. Free feels better.

This time, about half way through the breathing, my whole body started to experience pain. It started in my belly, then moved through. My chest felt compressed and started to do that rattle thing I remember from doing this form of breathwork meditation long ago. I get a certain taste in my mouth that is unique to this breathing. My saliva changes consistency. After awhile, the breath started to breathe me, instead of me breathing the breath.

Which brings me to my only desire for difference in this new CD...the intense portion of the breathing is too short for me. For this reason, I will probably switch back and forth between the two versions, or also use the tape I made for myself years ago. I was really moving the energy with the intense rapid breathing when they started to slow down. My body wasn't ready to. It kept wanting to flail and move and breathe deeply/quickly/intensely. I kept it going for awhile, but the energy totally changed so my rhythm felt off. Since I'm so auditorially and physically based, I prefer the music to relflect, add to, and enhance my experience or I get discombobulated.

When I was done, there was that wonderful oneness that permeates everything. Shimmers. Yum.

My breath now, later in the day, is deeper, fuller. I'm happier and not much is affecting me. However, I'm also noticing that if I do go over into a tweak, my reaction is a little more intense. I cried at the beauty of life lots yesterday. Although feeling really peaceful and happy today, I had a fairly trivial thing happen and it really irritated me.

But, I see these as indications that things are moving, getting stirred, closer to the surface.

A grand beginning.

Don't forget to visit my Tantra Sister, Greenwoman who talks more about her solo practice here. Great stuff!!!

Images:
CD cover from here...it's where you can buy it. I bought mine from Amazon..but when I went there today, it was gone. Might want to check back as it was cheaper there.
Chakra Man from here

A 30 Day Journey

As I've said a few times in this blog, I've been kinda sorta in a bit of a limboland now for a couple of years. The cauldron's definitely been bubbling. Last Fall, I reached an all time low. Try as I might to be positive, to flow, to do/be all of that stuff, I was not a happy camper. I kept seeing it as a cycle of life, knowing it wouldn't last, but not finding respite. It kinda culminated with a huge family thing right before Christmas that jolted me big time with a situation that could have been lethal for one of my daughters. Muy scary for this Mom.

After looking at all the "what if's" and things that "could have been," ....and.... given other situations in my life that had been building and intense, I realized about April that I had to let go of lots.

Life started to turn.

About July, I feel I reached a new level of surrender and letting go. Then the beginning of August, another piece fell into place and there was an even greater release. At the same time, things in life started to "get better," incrementally.

Then last week, I went to one of my favorite blogs, be Conscious now by Kara-Leah Masina. She had a post about surrender. This led me to Zen Chill's article on letting go and surrender.

I began an internal program of surrendering even more. I refocused and made it strong intention to be even more conscious of every time I began to feel stress. If I felt a glitch in the matrix of any sort, I would try, as soon as possible, to remember trust and letting go. To feel safe. To not push down, not run. I sat even more in the middle of what used to make me twitch and which I would try to avoid to "be happy." I sat with pain if pain came up, sat with fear until it moved through, returning to remembering my Spirit. I felt myself going to a deeper level than I had been.

The idea of doing some Cathartic breathwork has been coming in over the last few weeks. Awhile ago, I had a client do a session. As she left, she asked me how often I do them. I had to answer that truthfully, it's been awhile. Until about six years ago, I had been doing them regularly but that lately my breathing practice is to just do things throughout the day in little mini meditations. Continued, gentle focus on the breath leads to the same result, but just more slowly.

That conversation stayed with me.

Life's been good but I think it's time to amp it up.

My favorite CD for breathwork was Jeru Kabbal's Quantum Light Breath. I found a new one done by a person I've mentioned on here, Richard Bach. This morning I decided to try it out for the first time. I love it.

During the meditation, it came to me to do this process every day for 30 days. As so much of life is out of my conscious control right now and I can't get a strong direction as to where to go, it came to me that what needs to happen right now is to refocus on intense Spirit Growth in a way that I haven't in a long time.

So, for the next 30 days (except when traveling):

I commit to doing this meditation at least once every day. Then throughout the day, in between sessions to continue to do mini meditations of surrender.

I commit to restarting my daily yoga practice.

I commit to getting back on the path if I fall off.

I commit to learn new levels of surrender. I am willing to let go of any relationship that does not serve, every living situation that does not serve, every idea about how my life should look, everything I know. I also let go of having any need for having anything "come out" of this adventure.

And, for the next 30 days, I will use this blog to record the journey.

Cool.

Art:

Surrender from here

Paradox

In trying to explain my worldview on here, I've focused, so far on the stuff that impacts lives in a very personal way- how we walk in the world, how we operate, live, create, find happiness. It's how I experience Spirit in every day life. This is the part of the discussion that's important to me. It's practical.

I can't know how we got here. I can't know if God is a bearded guy sitting on a throne surrounded by angels and harps. Or if she is the void. I don't know about the spark that started it all...or if there was a start....or if there wasn't, how to understand all that. The macro part of theology is out of my control or my ability to comprehend and, truth be told, it doesn't impact me so I figure why waste time on it? I'm a practical, actional, body centered, Earth based sort of gal, making her way through this plane today here and now. I've had body experiences that have led me to understandings and more questions that I continue to explore. I feel as if I'm a pretty well grounded, practical mystic.

There is, however, a bigger world and I would like to talk about it a bit here. But, again..being that Earthbound gal, I'm really only interested in how it impacts life here and today. Plus, I don't know how to talk about it in any other way. It involves what I've come to call "Embracing The Paradox Of Existence."

I am the creator of my world and a co-creator of the universe...and...I am nothing...a blip in the scheme of things

There is no time as powerful as now as it is the point of all creation...and...now is gone the minute it is born and means nothing

Humans beings are the leading edge of creation.....and....humans are a nothing in the scope of creation and life. We have been here for a nanosecond in creation's time and will be gone soon

I can never know what God is...and....when I experience that union, I have experienced God and know exactly what God is.

I am eternal.....and......I will die

Life is precious.....and......life is ubiquitous, common

I create and am fully responsible for everything in my life...and....I have absolutely no conscious control over my life

I think that when we forget about one half of the paradox, we lose balance. When we get emotionlly invested in one or the other we get lost. Focusing on being insignificant only, can lead to depression. Focusing on our divinity can bring arrogance.

But when I embrace both as equally true statements, the macro and micro are united in my "real" truth- that both are eqully true for me today and every day.

And yet...mean nothing.

This makes me happy.

Art:

Paradox of Life by Arthur Douet

This article was featured in be Conscious now's Carnival of Truth #8

Personal Development Blog List

Quelle Horreur!

Awhile back, my good friend Karen Lynch nominated me for being on a list of Outstanding Personal Growth Bloggers begun by Priscilla Palmer. I then went brain dead and forgot to post the list. I would like to add Darlene at Spirited Boutique, a new friend of mine whose site I like.

Better a bit late than never!! So...without further ado I now present the up to date list of Personal Growth Blogs!!

Personal Development List (up to date):
Aaron Potts at Today is That Day
Adam Alexander at Adam’s Peace
Adam Kayce at Monk at Work
Adam Khoo at Adam Khoo’s Philosophies and Investing Insights
AgentSully at Life Learning Today
Amber at Amber Waves
April Groves at Making Life Work For You
Argancel at C’eclair (for those who speak french)
Ash aka Mr. Biggs at One Powerful Word
Al at 7pproductions.com
Alan Torres at Made to Be Great
Alex Shalman at AlexShalman.com
Alexander Kjerulf at The Chief Happiness Officer
Alexys Fairfield at Unraveling The Spiritual Mystique
Albert Foong at urbanmonk.net
Alvaro at Sharp Brains Blog
Amber at Random Mangus
Amie Ragan at Psychology of Clutter
Amit Sodha at The Power of Choice
Amy Hedin at There is no Maximum to Human Potential
Andrea Learned at Learned on Women
Andrea J. Lee at Money, Meaning, and Beyond
Andy Wibbels at AndyWibbels.com
Anita Pathik Law at Power of Our Way
Anmol Mehta at AnmolMetha.com
Anna Farmery at The Engaging Brand
Antonio Thornton at AntonioThornton.com
Ariane Benefit at Neat & Simple Living
Ask Lucid at Ask Lucid Spiritual Development
Barb Melloh at The Law of Attraction Info
Barbara Curtis at Mommy Life
Barbara Sliter at Creatorship
Belle Wong at Abundance Journal
Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog
Bill Perry at Lucid Blog
Billy Smith at The Organic Leadership Blog
Blogfuse at LifeDev
Brad Isaac at Achieve It
Brian Clark at Copyblogger
Brian Kim at briankim.net
Brian Lee at geniustypes.com
Brightfeathers at this time-this space
Brooke at Plain Advice
Bob at everyeveryminute
Bolly at Motivational Corner
Byron Katie at Byron Katie.com
Cam Beck at ChaosScenario
Cara Lumen at The Success Magnets With Cara Luman and Your Second Wind Blog
Carlon Haas at Possess Less Exist More
Catherine Carter at Continuum Wellness
Cheif Family Officer at Cheif Family Officer
Chris Brogan at Chris Brogan.com
Chris Cree at SuccessCREEations
Chris Marshall at Martial Development
Chris Melton at Soupornuts.com
Chris Owen at Pink Apple
Christine Kane at ChristineKane.com
Christine Valters Painter at Abbey of the Arts
Clyde at Feeling Good
Colin Beavan at No Impact Man
Colleen Wainwright of Communicatrix
Conceive, Believe, Achieve at Conceive, Believe, Achieve
Cooper at Wonderland or Not
Crabby McSlacker at Cranky Fitness
Craig Harper at Motivational Speaker
Curt Rosengren at Occupational Adventure
Cyres at Cyres Matters
Damian Carr at Soul Terminal
Daniel Sitter at Idea Sellers
Danny Kohn at Be Inspired Everyday
Darlene at Spirited Boutique
Darren Rowse at Problogger.net
Dave Pollard at How to Save the World
Dave Schawbel at The Personal Branding Blog
Dave Schoof at Engaging the Disquiet
Davers at Language Trainers Blog
David Allen at The David Allen Company
David Bohl at Reflections on Balance
David Finch at David Finch.com
David Richeson at 360 Degree Success
David Rogers at How to Have Great Self Confidence
David Seah at David Seah.com
David Zinger at Slacker Manager
Dawud Miracle at dmiracle.com
Dean Lacono at Law of Attraction for Beginners
Deb2012 at Fibromaylgia and Wellness
Debbie Call at Spirit In Gear
Debbie LaChusa at 10 Step Marketing Collection
Deborah aka Zephry1 at Climate of Our Future
Debra Moorhead at Debra Moorhead.com
Denise Mosawi at Destineering.com
Devlyn Steele at Tools To Life Guide
Dick Richards at Come Gather Round
Dominic Tay at Personal Development for Winners
Don Simkovich at Hey Don
Donald Latumahina at Life Optimizer
Donna Karlin at Perspectives
Donna Steinhorn at Rethinking
Douglas Eby at Talent Development Resources
Dr. Charles Parker at The Core Psych Blog
Dr. Hal at Northstar Mental fitness blog
Drew Rozell at Drew Rozell.com
Dwayne Melancon at Genuine Curiosity
E Murphy at The Active Life
Edward Mills at Evolving Times
Ellen Weber at Brain Based Business
Emily G. W. Lilly at The Science of Waldorf Education
Emmanuel Lopez at The Adventures of Motivatorman
Ellesse at Goal Setting College
Elly Jolly at Jolly Life Coaching
Enoch Tan at Mind Reality
Eric Napier at Quotation Collection
Erin Pavlina at Erin Pavlina.com
Evelyn Rodriguez at Crossroads Dispatches
Farouk Radwan at 2KnowMySelf
Frank Kanu at Frank Uncovers Excellence in Leadership
Frank Roche at KnowHR Blog
Galba Bright at Tune Up Your EQ
Garr Reynolds at Presentation Zen
Gary at Personal Strategic Plan
Gilad Buchman at Sigsug
Gleb Reys at Personal Development Ideas
Grayson at Modern Worker Blog
Greg Butler at holistic-personal-development.com
Greg Frost at ChargedAudio.com
Geoff R at Gearfire.net
George Vasu at 360
Golbguru at Money, Matter, and More Musings
Gretchen Rubin at Happiness Project
Gustav at Success-is-in-you.com
Guy Kawasaki at How to Change the World
Gyanish at Diethack
Halina Goldstein at The Inner Travel Journal
Hilda Carroll at Living Out Loud
Heather Goldsmith at A Creative Journal
Helgi Pall Einarsson at Everyday Wonderland
Henrik Edberg at The Positivity Blog
Honman at Open Your Mind to Prosperity
Ilyria at Finding Norway
Inkedmn at The Cranking Widgets Blog
Isabella Mori at MoriTherapy
Itzy Sabo at Email Overloaded
Jack Vinson at Knowledge Jolt with Jack
Jackie at The Painted Veil
Jackie at The Vegan Diet
Jacklyn Ker at Inspiring and Empowing Lives
Jarle Husefest at The Personal Development Blog
Jason and Michael at Black Belt Productivity
Jason Ivers at A Miracle a Day
Jason Womack at Fit and Effective
Jay White at dumb little man tips for life
Jean Browman at Transforming Stress Into Power and Cheerful Monk
Jeane Michelle Culp at Binding Ink
Jeanne May at Aspirations Plus
Jeannette Maw at Good Vibe Coaching
Jeanie Marshall at Empowerment and Meditation Blog and DailyAffirm: Positive Affirmations Day by Day
Jeff Davidson at Breathing Space Blog
Jeff Lilly at Druid Journal
Jeffrey Phillips at Think Faster
Jennifer at Goodness Graciousness
Jennifer Mannion at Heal Pain Naturally
Jenny and Erin at Jenny and Erin
Jeremiah Owyang at Web Strategy by Jeremiah
Jerry Hart at Blue Print to emarketing
Jerry Lopper at Personal Growth
Jessa at clairvoyantGuidance.net
Jessica Hagy at Indexed
Jim stroup at Managing Leadership
Jim Walton at Black In Business
JoLynn Braley at The Fit Shack
Joan Schramm at Accelerating Momentum
Joanna Young at Coaching Wizardry
Joanne at I’m Happy Fish
JodeeB at You Already Know This Stuff
Joe Vitale at Dr. Joe Vitale at Zero
John Pratt at John Pratt International
John Place at John Place Online
John W. McKenna at The Leadership Epidemic
John Wesley at Pick The Brain
Jon at Join The Secret
Jonathan at Smart Wealthy Rich and Freelance Folder
Jordan at The Abe Blog
Jory Des Jardin at Pause: Meaningful Work
Josh Bickford at Reach For Magnificence and Reach for Magnificence
Josh Kaufman at The Personal MBA
Judy Martin at The Work/Life Monitor
Julia Rogers Hamrick at Julia’s Blog: Journal of the Journey Home to Eden
Julie Bonner at Declutter It
Kailani at An Island Review
Kammie Kobyleski at Passion Meets Purpose
Karen at Journey with Water Learner
Karen Lynch at Live The Power
Karen Wallace at The Clearing Space
Karl Moore at Karl Blog.com
Karl Staib at Karl Staib.com
Kathy Mallary at Coaching Biz Tips
Keith Ferrazzi at Never Eat Alone
Kelly at Kellymentology
Kenton Whitman at kentonwhitman.com
Kevin Kinchen at Creative Power of Thought
Killeris at Attitude, The Ultimate Power
Kim and Jason at Escape Adulthood
Kim George at Doing What You Can Do
Kimber Chin at Client K
Kirk Nugent at Kirk Nugent.com
Kirsten Harrell at Ipopin
Krishna De at Biz Growth News and Todays Women in Business
K.L. Masina at Be Conscious Now
LJW at Heavenly Inclinations
Lauchlan Mackinnon at Think Differently
Lawrence Cheok at A Long, Long Road
Laura Young at The Dragon Slayer’s Guide to Life
Leah Maclean at Working Solo
Leigh at The Lab
Lee Nutter at bmindful
Leo Babauta at Zen Habits
Life Reflection at Universe in a Single Atom
Lilifixt at Feel Happy
Linda Salazar at Awaken The Genie Within
Lisa Braithwaite at Speak Schmeak
Lisa Gates at Design Your Writing Life
Lisa McGlaun at LifePrints - Good News for a More Compassionate World
Lisa Q at 40s Singleness-Dating in Your 40s
Lisa Van Allen at Finish Strong
Liz at Internet Marketing Strategies
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog
Lodewijkvdb at How to be an Original
Lola Fayemi at Real World Spiritual and Personal Development
Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living
Luciano Passuello at Litemind.com
Lucid at Spiritual Suggestions
Lumosity at Brain Health Blog
Lyman Reed at Creating a Better Life
Lyndon Antcliff at LyndonAntcliff.com and Cornwallseo.com
Lynn McTaggert at Living The Field
MT at MindTWEAKS
Maddy at Illuminated Minds Want to Know
Malathy Badri at Laws of Universe
Malcolm Campbell at The Round Table
Manny at Success Books
Maria Gajewski at Never The Same River Twice
Maria Garcia at Get Organized Now
Maria Palma at The Good Life
Marianne Williamson at Journal
Mark at The Naked Soul
Mark Forster at Get Everything Done
Mark LaPierre at The Winding Path
Mark McManus at Build Your Life To Order
Mark W Shead at Productivity 501
Martin Avis at Kickstart Daily
Mary K at Becoming Your StellarSelf
Matthew Cornell at Matt’s Idea Blog
Meg Haworth at Life Lessons From Your Soul
Melanie Benson Strick at The Success Blog
Merlin Mann at 43 Folders
Michelle at aMusing My Genius
Michelle Moore at Happiness Blog
Michael Port at The Think Big Revolution
Michael Vanderdonk at TOACH Performance
Mike Janssen at Opgestroopte Mouwen
Mike Kemski at BANABU
Mike St. Pierre at The Daily Saint
Millionaire Mommy Next Door at Millionaire Mommy Next Door
Mimi Lennox at Mimi Writes
Mizzy Bohemia at Miz BoheMia’s Rhapsody
Mona Grayson at Question The Mind
Monte Ladner at Fitness Rocks
Mr.Wang at Mr Wang Says So
My Everyday Planner at My Everyday Planner
My Mind on Books at My Mind on Books
NCN at No Credit Needed
Nancy Mills at The Spirited Woman
Nancy Tierney at Unconditional Confidence
Neil Patel at Quick Sprout
Nic Askew at Monday 9AM Blog
Nick Smith at Life 2.0
Nneka at Balanced Life Center
Organize-It at Organize-It
Pamala Slim at Escape From Cubicle Nation
Pamm Larry at My Spiritual Dance
Patricia Singleton at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker
Patti Digh at 37 Days
Paul at Paul’s Tips
Paul Piotrowski at Self Help Wisdom
Paula Kawal at Paula Kawal.com
Peggy Payne at Peggy Payne’s Boldness Blog
Peter at I Will Change Your Life
Peter Aldin at Great Circle
Peter Haslem at Necessary Skills
Phil Gerbyshak at Make It Great
Philippe Matthews at Shockwealth
Pia at Courting Destiny
Priscilla Palmer at Personal Development Demands Success
Quint Jensen at Win Your Mind
Raymond Salas at Zenchill Powertools
Real Modern Man at Real Modern Man
Reg Adkins at ElementalTruths
Ricardo at Wake Up Tiger
Rich Schefren at Strategic Profits
Rick Cockrum at Shards of Consciousness
Rick Cooper at The PDA Pro
Ririan at Ririanproject
Rob at 7Breaths
Rob Cooke at Leave the Office
Robert at Compassionate Council
Robert at Myselfdev
Robert Ashcroft at PDSS Online
Robin Skeen at Robin’s Reflections
Robin Yapp at Yapp 3.0
Robyn McMaster at Brain Based Biz
Roger Von Oech at Creative Think
Rolf F. Katzenberger at Evomend
Rosa Say at Managing With Aloha Coaching
Ryan Marle at The Alpha Project
S.J. Yee at Personal Development for the Book Smart
Sam at Aquire Wisdom and Live with Passion
Scott Adams at The Dilbert Blog
Scott Berkun at Berkun Blog
Scott Bernadot at Keeping The Secret
Scott Ginsberg at Hello, My Name Is Blog
Scott H Young at Scott H Young
Scott McArthur at McArthur’s Rant
Secret Simon at The Secret of Life
Self Pursuit at Self Pursuit
Senia at Senia.com Positive Psychology Coaching
Seth Godin at Seth’s Blog
at 2KnowMySelf
Shane Navratil at Zoomstart
Shauna Arthurs at Breathing Prosperity and Follow Your Path
Shaheen Lakhan at GNIF Brain Blogger
Simone at Dynamic Living
Simone and Mandy at Outfit Inspirations
Single Ma at Single Ma’s Fabulous Financials
Slade Roberson at Shift Your Spirits and Spiritual Blogging
Sleeping Dude at How to Wake Up Early
Sonora Jayne Case at Positive Realities Coaching
Sophiagurl at Life is Just Around the Corner
Spike at Organize It
Start Up Coach at Take Charge of Your Life
Stephanie and Jeffrey at Brains on Purpose
Steve Beisheim at Jumping Ship Happens
Steve King at The Green Geek
Steve Olson at Steve-Olson.com
Steve Pavlina at stevepavlina.com
Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace
Stephen at HD bizblog
Stephen Hopson at Adversity University
Steven Aitchison at Change Your Thoughts
Success Current at SuccessCurrent.com
Sue Ann Edwards at Always Embraces All Ways
Surjit at Gurushabad
Susan at Got2BeGreen
Susan Sabo at Productivity Cafe
Suzanne Bird-Harris at Learning Curve Coaching
Takuin Minamoto at Takuin.com
Ted Demopoulos at Blogging For Business
Terry Starbucker at Ramblings From a Glass Half Full
Thom Quinn at Qlog
Tiffany at Little Red Suit
Tim Ferris at 4-Hour Workweek and Lifestyle Design Blog
Tim Taylor at My Agapic Life
Tim Warren at Personal Development4U
Tom Peters at Tom Peters.com
Tom Spanton at TRCoach
Tom Van Brunscot of Transformation Economy
Tony Chimento at Living Forward
Tony D Clark at Success From The Nest
Torlink at You Create Reality
Travis A. Sinquefield at Disorganizational Behavior
Travis Wright at Cultivate Greatness
Tricia at Blogging Away Debt
Tricia at Loving Farewells
Trizoko at Trizoko.com
Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar
Trevor Gay at Simplicity is the Key
Troy Worman at Orbit Now!
Tuck Self at Rebel Belle Blog
Tupelo Kenyon at Tupelokenyon.com
Ubertech at Geeks Guide To GTD
Vera Nadine at Vera Nadine.com
Vickie at Contemplate This
Wade Millican at The Middle Way
Wally Bock at Three Star Leadership
Wan Qi at Meditation Forum Mantras
Wild Bill at Passionate Blogger
and these collaborated sites:
Burst Blog
Change This
Change Your Thinking
Daily PlanIt
Did I Get Things Done
GTD Wannabe
Jobman2
Joyful Jubilant Learning
Life Coaches Blog Stratagies for a Greater Life
Lifehack.org
Lifehacker.com
TED Blog
Transformational Girlfriends
Unclutterer