Karma

I received some interesting news in my inbox this morning. Two people who were instrumental in playing a part in my spirialing down and misery last year are under investigation and are in DEEP doodoo. These two people lied in a myriad of ways. Much of it was senseless, stupid, baffling stuff, some business stuff...all of it boggles my mind. They lied to us, to clients about business and spread lies about my partner in his business world. One was a person he had mentored and trusted. This mentored guy and I spent time together on a business trip and I thought we had a nice connection. It now feels like it was fake, but I don't know. Even liars have a heart somewhere in there. I know they do.

He knew what he was doing. He emailed me and five others (not my partner) who were involved on the periphery and trusted him, a powerpoint presentation on Karma, Love and the Dalai Lama. One of the people cc'd was his girlfriend. He sent these email on the same day the two "partners in crime" made a major move in smarminess. He then disappeared with the "powerful" lying woman/partner. I'm not too sure what message he intended when he sent that to all of us, but I thought it real interesting when we got documents, checked the date of his email and saw they were the same.

So today I'm thinking about Karma.

Having been raised a Roman Catholic with ideas of heaven, hell and purgatory, it was an easy segue for me to find meaning in reincarnation and karma. The numerous lives before enlightenment were correlated in my mind with the Catholic purgatory. Instead of Catholics' record of sins, Karma was explained to me as a record of all acts, thoughts, words, intentions that were recorded in a book somewhere called The Akashic Records. Both our positive energies and our negatives were tallied at the end of a life, then that glump of a soul was "rated" so to speak, and the soul's next life would reflect their level of dues payment required. So if you were born disabled this life, you got that way as atonement for a past life of "bad" behavior. Maybe karma wouldn't wait until the next life..maybe you pay your dues in this one. But all could be assured that if you did something "wrong" you would eventually have "to pay." And if you did good, you would be rewarded with happies.

After a short while, this notion of reward and punishment, of a judging "something out there" became increasingly dissonant inside me. It conflicts with my experience of an unconditionally loving GodSource.

As my spirituality shifted from one based on dualities of good/bad, damnation/salvation, chosen/damned to the Oneness of unconditional everlasting love, my understandings of Karma shifted, too.

I really don't think there's anything "out there" judgmentally tallying what we do. Whatever we do, it just loves us. It knows that if we commit a crime against another, we commit it against ourselves, and we do so in immense pain. In its neverending compassion and Oneness, it does not see good/bad. It just sees The Dance of its own expansion, existence, creation upon recreation and the eternal nature of its own love for us and itself. It knows there is no death, so doesn't see death as a bad thing. I don't buy into the idea that this world is somehow a punishment on a wheel of ickiness and that if I get enough brownie points I don't have to come back. I like it here. I see "here" as a precious gift. And I know my Spirit sees it the same way because...um...we decided to come here.

So then, what is Karma to me? Karma is merely Law Of Attraction. We get back the energetic beliefs (conscious and un) we put out into the world. I believe our Souls incarnate here with intentions. Part of those intentions may have been started in another life and didn't have completion then. Our souls might have as one intention to come back this round use the creative opportunity to learn more about it. It might decide to incarnate in a body that is disabled to learn how to "be" or be a vehicle for other souls who want to learn selfless service and unconditional love. It might come back as a criminal to remind the rest of us of how we don't want to live and to live lives in alignment with our Source. Maybe it comes back as a dog trainer to serve that loving energy and their masters. We can't always understand the why's by oustside observation of that which we can't understand due to our little disconnected eyes and minds. If anything, I think karma is "accrued" when we don't forgive ourselves. We set up a cycle of not loving ourselves so separating from our Higher Selves, which leads us to an act which leads us to guilt, which leads to less self love and on and on.

So the people who I heard about today? Are they paying for their crimes? Is their Karma "getting them?"

I will admit, I've had anger..ok...rage about them and how they treated my partner (what they did to me was big to me at the time, but negligible in comparison). I will admit that I wanted them to get caught because I hated knowing that this kind of behavior continued unfettered in this world. The WarriorWoman in me wanted to find a way to make them stop so they wouldn't do what they did to us to anyone else. But there wasn't a way. I, at least, wanted to tell them what I thought of them, but couldn't do that, either. Business.

Swearing and crying went on for a few days (it was big). But then, I mostly let it go and got to the feelings underneath, which were cycles of being sad that this kind of thing existed. It required me rethinking my world and trusting humanity. Quite frankly, it required huge growth to get out of my small mind to see a bigger picture. I thought this stuff only happened in movies and here I was living it.

So...shift, turn, breathe, feel, shift, open, in and out of cycles, try to understand why I would have created this, what did I want to learn here. When I opened the email this morning, I had a morbid curiosity. Here they were...finally being called on their stuff in a very big way and with nowhere to hide. I gave a huge thanks, again, that we had been "deceited against" at the time we were and had nothing more to do with them, instead of continuing to trust people who have the capacity to live that sort of a life. I feel blessed, protected, taken care of. I learned at even deeper levels to trust the flow of my life, to let go of that which is not mine...because I can't see downline potentialities and my Inner Being can. I learned, again, that even when things look bad, they're really positive in the long run. I've learned lots of what all this was for me and trust humanity. That's how I want to live.

I think of that young man I spent time with and how fun he was. I remember watching his inability to sleep even when he was exhausted, smoking constantly, always jittering and moving around, biting his nails to the quick. When I think of all the things he told us and what we discovered once we knew he wasn't to be trusted, I was shocked. Pretty much all of his life was a lie. How tragic. I hope he heals.

Just a part of The Dance.

Art:

Common Karma from here
Image by the Sea from here
Man with open arms from here