Addiction As Teacher 1

I pretty much take myself wherever I go. And just as I see Ego and Anger as being Teachers and allies to conscious discovery of the Self, I see Addiction in the same way. Addictions are merely a window to the inner soul, no more, no less. The only power they have over us is the power we give them.

It pains me, I must say, when I hear the constant litany of addictions these days. Are we addicted to addictions? Needing them to do....something for us???? What is it with our need to label everything, confine it, define it, "make" us something?

It pains me because I hate labels that illicit feelings of self-judgement and shame....or that have a very weird sort of energy I can't explain fully except it feels like a strange, twisted variant of a combination of Victim voice and arrogance. Like we're the victim of this, who's the bigger victim and who's overcome the bigger battle sort of thing. Please hear me when I say that I feel no judgement in that statement. Not one. It's a questioning/observation of the energy, nothing more. I have learned to love all my voices, even my Victim. But I also don't give any one reign. I certainly don't give Victim any slack. I listen to it and it lovingly keep in its place. I do this because I've learned that the Victim voice is the most powerful one inside us and I refuse to let it run my life. But that's for another post....

I suppose if I was to consider myself in the standard lingo/mindset of today, I would be labelled an addict of many things. Once an addict, always an addict, yes? I have an "addictive personality." I was a three pack a day smoker for ten years. I was out of control, craved so took tons of drugs for about three years in my youth (lots of it being "highly addictive" speed). I drank way too much for about sixteen years. I was overweight for much of my life, addicted to food.

What I learned was that, again, the body does not lie. If I am unwilling to look at something, wanting to push it down, my body will tell the story. I did all those things for a reason. I was in pain and I didn't want to face what my inner Self was telling me. I was afraid of all of who I was. I was lost. I comforted myself to feel good. And why would we blame anyone for wanting to find a way to peace, even if temporary, even if done in ignorance as to the possible ramifications of an unconscious activity that is so fun?

Our culture doesn't guide us to listen to our inner beings, gives no support for confusion and finding our way. In fact, when I was growing up, much of what I saw in the world was considered crazy. I was shushed, told to hide it in a myriad of ways: verbally, nonverbally and through the information that filters through in life. When seekers have no guide and find themselves alone, it's scary. We try our best in the moment with the tools, support and understanding we have. Sometimes we get lost. We can't ask the questions if we don't know what questions to ask. We can't find how to fix what's going on inside us if we don't know what it is. Why are we so tough on ourselves? Would we treat a loved one with the same lack of compassion that we constantly give ourselves?

So let me ask you...when you meet an addict...the ones who are still able to show a little of themselves between the haze of their addiction....or you knew someone before they temporarily lost themselves in an addiction....aren't they often the most interesting people? When I've listened to people who've gone the rounds, all the ones who did tons of drugs are fascinating. Look at artists!! Many in the performing and visual arts are addicts of one sort or another.

People, not just artists, are addicts because they have tons of creative energy and don't know what to do with it. Or they've been told early in life that they are not good enough to do something with it, or they're weird, or what they know isn't valid or real. And they believed it because it's darn hard not to.

It takes tremendous amounts of energy to keep creative life force down. Something really huge is required to keep a lost, confused creator's knowing and life force down so they can "fit." It's true that they don't end up fitting as addicts, either. But in the intial stages they don't know or believe this is where it will lead. Then once they get lost, they need the additional numbing and continuing the addictive behavior because they still have all of the reason they started the addiction plus they now have this new label to add to their list of reasons for not letting their life shine.

My addictions and troubles have taught me my own Secret: the things that we have in life that seem like the biggest obstacles and pains are our greatest gifts. That when we figure them out, we now have these learnings and light to gift back to Life and humanity in whatever way seems right for us to give and be.

...to be continued

Love Embrace by Frieda Kahlo found here

Two Embrace found here