Past Lives With My Ex

Years ago, when my ex husband and I were in deep conflict, I was trying every avenue I could to understand our dynamic. I was looking at my early childhood: what early life patterns was I repeating here, patterns that had nothing to do with him but which I brought and he fulfilled for me? Where were my projections, what was my soul learning here? As I explored my early childhood, it occurred to me that there might also be issues that we carried as souls into this life from shared past lives. It made sense to me that if we are influenced from our early childhood that there was good chance that our soul memories might have impact here, too. I thought that if I understood what it was we were dealing with, it would help me on a very practical level right here, right now in this relationship dance we were doing.

So I did a few past life regressions over time, going into them with the prayer to be shown things that would help me to understand my life in my now.

I've spoken a bit about the experience of what I sense/see/feel in a regression here. There are simultaneous realities going on. I am me, Pamm, today with all feelings, reactions and perceptions. I also have the ability to discern the energetic connections and patterns going on. I am also inside my past life person, so feel/see/sense as them. I can understand connections between this life and the past one visited, can see people from then that are in my life now. I see them as they are physically in that life, but I just "know" it's the personality from this life. I cannot go inside them to see/feel in the moment like I can with my past life person, but I do understand and intuit very strongly what they feel, the overall way they think, their soul life task in that life.

The first life I came in contact with when I went back was to a time somewhere in the late middle ages. I was a village lass- I was blonde, considered the beauty of the village. I was a very simple person, with a very low IQ. Not quite to the point of being disabled, but not bright at all. I was buxom and wore low cut tops, with full skirts, usually went barefoot. I loved animals, could almost talk to them and remember one "scene" where I was in a barn type enclosure hugging and holding a cow close to me. It's like I was in love with this cow, communing with its gentle spirit.

I remember walking along a path and seeing a big tree. I "got" that I died there by hanging. This information was not available to the past life me, and I in my now was not troubled by it...it was just information for me. I didn't see or experience the death there, but knew it was significant.

I remember walking around the town and seeing my ex. He was a monk, with the shaven head and long brown robe, a rope at his waist. He wanted me sexually but couldn't handle the feelings. It came to me that he was the one ultimately responsible for my death in that life we shared. Because he couldn't understand or accept his lust for me, he told the Church fathers that I had bewitched him and was of the devil. This one helped me to understand that the things we were dealing with were not new for us. We had done this dance before. It also helped me to understand why I was afraid of his views on my Spirit Path. It helped me deal with that fear in a more rational way (a bit).

The next life I remember was not as clear. The images came in shorter clips. I can usually get a sense of where I am in a regression. With this one, I didn't know what continent it was on. There was danger- a natural disaster of some sort, like a volcano erupting or a huge earthquake of some sort. Fires were burning everywhere, it was dark. We were on a balconey watching all this. My whole body was painted blue and I had a long flowey robe on, a gold band across my forehead. We were embracing. For some reason, although the primary danger was this disaster, I was also in danger personally. Possibly being "blamed" for this disaster? Again...this one was not as clear. The only other thing I can remember was that this was a very very ancient life and our first time together, kind of sealing our soul "theme" in which I am "outsider" he is "accepted/normal."
A few years later, I am in the middle of trying to leave the marriage. I go to do a breathwork session and spontaneouslyf ind myself being burned at the stake while a crowd cheers around me. Patrick is standing so that he is eye level with me. He is smiling. The energy he shoots at me is "I gotcha."

Then I have one more memory. This one was another spontaneous one that I flew into one time when we were having sex. I was on top and we had been at it for some time, enough for me to go into my trance thing that can happen. All of a sudden, when I closed my eyes, I lost who "I" was. He wasn't him. It frightened me because I felt I couldn't control it. I opened my eyes, calmed down and it went away. Then I closed my eyes again and within a few seconds the same thing happened. I was "back there"...not sure exactly, but not in this time at all. I opened my eyes again to return. When it happened the third time, I had to stop our love making it freaked me out so much. I wish we had been of the same mind that I could have told him. It would have been so interesting to have someone to explore that with. Oh well.

Going back was helpful to my then mind. It helped me to come to terms with lots of who we were and helped me heal. Did it do anything to help the relationship? Nope. Wish I could say it did, but my primary intention of it helping our relationship didn't happen. Probably because in the end, it doesn't matter what went on in our past lives. It's what's happening right now that does. I know now that we can change patterns in an instant, but we have to understand and believe that we can and commit to doing the work it takes to do so.

I don't know if we are "condemned" to repeat relationships until the patterns of pain are healed. I don't think so, unless we think we are; if we carry guilt, anger or cannot find a way to forgive our parts in the Dance. I'm not there with him, yet. I do, however, hope he is happy.

Art Credits:

Wheel of Life from The Library of Congress
Monk from Avenue Vine
Spider Web by Phil Hine
Split Personality by Stanley Abeyesinghe
Dark Heritage by Brian Wiles.