The Day I Met A Guru

Long ago, when I thought I knew something, I had very strong ideas about Teachers. I thought that anyone I would choose to have as a Teacher would have their lives totally together, fully walk their talk, having mastered and embodying everything "englightened" 24/7. That if their teachings held any weight, if they made the cut of getting my respect, then they should be living the blisslife and be "perfect."

After my divorce I got to go back to school and finish the degree I had started years ago. I had done all but a few of my general ed classes years ago so got to focus on my Major, Religious Studies. It as also when I was studying Tantra in workshops, doing lots of outside reading, and doing lots of the more esoteric pratices on my own. Many of the books and Teachers talked about the importance of having a Guru.

Part of my college study was an independant project on gurus, with my primary focus being Osho because he was my primary Tantra teacher's guru. During one session, when I looked up into the eyes of the huge portrait she had of him on the altar, I thought I should have a grasp on who my teacher's guru was. Wanted to see how he walked his talk, etc., and what she wasn't telling us.*

Say what you want about his Rolexes and Rolls Royces, the various attempted murders and all sorts of shit that went on in Oregon, the man is fucking brilliant in his ability to "get" the deep of spiritual paths and put them together ways that shed whole new lights on the universe and its mysteries. But his life? The stuff I found was not a pretty picture.

At the same time, Amrit Desai was being expelled from his ashram on the East Coast, the Kripalu Institute, for having been sexual with the wife of one of his close associates. The whole yoga community was in an uproar, partly because he taught that celibacy was important. So there was the triple whammy of hypocrisy, adultery and betrayal on all sorts of levels. I began to ponder anew what the guru thing was.

Then one day, while at a music festival, someone came up to me and asked me if wanted to meet a guru. Awhile later up walks this man. He was very tall (6'4"? or so) and had a buddha belly inside his wife beater T-Shirt. The other half of him was in a Dhoti (that piece of cloth that wraps around the legs then is tucked into the waist). He had a brilliant (obviously dyed) carrot-colored topknot on his head and his waist-length beard was the same color. Interesting, says I.

His name was Murshid, a Sufi term, meaning, basically "guru." I liked him, questioned him, and was also on guard. He was very sweet to me, but I could not understand his interest in me. He invited me to teach Tantra at his workshop center. I found this very odd, as he had no clue as to how or what I taught. He talked about this book he wanted to have his "people" send me from his book store. It was I Remember Union, a Mary Magdalena channelled book about her sacred marriage with Jesus.

Ok, says I, a bit leery...why is this guy being so nice and open and......???

We parted ways and I went to enjoy the music. A few hours later, he wanted to talk again. Again I felt on guard. What the fuck? Why? Was he hitting on me? Confused. He just wanted to stress the invite to come be with his community, to have me teach and for me to take their training. He wanted to be sure I read the book. Phew.

The next day, I get a call from from his hostess. Murshid wants to see me again and would I come over for a visit tomorrow to talk and pick up the book? Um...Ok...It might be fun talking to The Guru in private.

This was a wonderful experience. What an interesting man! His eyes were so piercing, his gaze so intent. We had a lovely talk with tea, me finding out more about his operation, asking him questions. We laughed lots. Turns out his followers were mostly young people. He had a center in the desert where they did most of their workshops, and a large center in San Diego. They had recording studios, and other spaces for art and expression.

There we are talking, the guru and I, and I asked him: "So what do you think of this guru thing?" He laughed and in an ever-so-guru-manner, asked "What do you think of it?" I smiled, knowing that he knew that I knew he was being ever-so-guru-like.

After all my studying and pondering, looking at my past certainties and things I thought I needed in a Teacher, and why I thought I needed them, I told him I had come to this: I see gurus as huge players in the energy of Life. They are incredible teachers. Some are Gurus by intent, some end up there by default. All carry a burden- the burden of having their followers project on them all their needs for safety, perfection and some idealized version of "goodness" that we all hope exists somewhere out there.

Who knows what Jesus really was like? All our indications are that he hung out with some pretty rough characters and behaved like a rebel on many levels. People like Osho get caught red handed in their shit because of world wide communication and mass media. There wasn't a whole lot of TV and daily newspaper reading when Jesus was around so he had time to have a myth built up around him that focused on his good stuff, unsurried by what may have really gone on.

Over the years as I have embraced CrazyWisdom I think the BEST gift a guru can give his followers is to be a total fuckup. To smash the illusion we Westerners have of perfection and otherness (in the form of the guru as somehow "above" or "better" than us). That in fucking up, they assist us in seeing that the belief we have of needing to have the world match a certain picture for us to feel comfortable is an illusion. Or that someone else out there has to match our vision of who we think deserves our love, rather than just loving another for being.

To learn to love someone we think has betrayed us, to let go of the conditions we place on being willing to love is the greatest teaching of any guru. Some of them just do it through the back door.

I never saw him again. I spent a few days with some of his disciples, went to a one day workshop. They pushed me doing their deeper training. If I remember correctly, they even offered it for free. In the end, it wasn't a good match so I never went. I have heard the saying "that when the student is ready, the Guru will appear," and I sometimes wonder if I missed my boat. But I think I am too ornery, too sceptical, too much of a Westerner to give over my ego to a guru no matter how much I like him or his ideas.