I Really Thought....

...that I'd be posting more, after the 30 day journey. Really had intended to start covering other topics that interest me. But life got busy and then I had a new thing come up in sessions that made me go internal to writing here in public.

The image of it that came to me today was about watching our children grow. Parents who really watch their children will notice that their kid is kinda just moving along in life....they're happy, healthy, smiling, cuddly. Then all of a sudden they go through this period where they become like little demons. They cry lots, are very impatient, are clingy. Maybe they revert to younger behavior. Like maybe all of a sudden they want to nurse when they've been weaned. Or they start wetting the bed again. Or all sorts of things that build in a crescendo, until one day, just about when they're ready to call an exorcist, the angel they knew suddenly reappears. But now they are starting to talk in full sentences or reading or walking instead of crawling.

In watching myself and my kids grow, I think we continue to do this. We kinda go into a chaos state right before shiftings or a new level of learning. Just as with our kids when they are needing to cling when they feel something big coming but don't know what it is, I think it really important to be gentle with ourselves. It's all about The Gentles.

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Last Wednesday, I did Tantric stuff along with the breathing. At one point, my body felt the urge to do some esoteric pranayamas intersperse with both self pleasuring and tapping my forehead/third eye area.

This continued until I started to feel a wave of intense heat flow up my body and radiate out my shoulders, neck and head. Then began the pulsing of the most intense headache I've ever had. Throbbing, pounding, vise grip, possible aneurysm pain that wouldn't go away. I kept trying to open the seventh and sixth by envisioning energy flowing out both. The pain kinda moved back and forth between the two points, and perhaps maybe some of it was flowing out, but MAN...that sensation in my head!!!! The lid, so to speak, would not let the energy out.

Later that night, I had the same experience...as well as the next few times I've orgasmed. The headaches are the most violent I've ever had. They come on fast and strong (although the last one I felt subtly before the explosion). They eventually go away, but it's a gradual process. The heat is intense (and I've gotten a chuckle or four on how accurate the sexual term "Hot" is).

On Thursday, I noticed that when I tune in to my body, there is a nice constant stronger level energy hum....like a very low level orgasm....going on all the time. When I continue to tune in and focus on the energy, increasing its intensity with my conscious intent, the headache starts to ever so subtly appear.

I'm remembering all the ways that we can shut down life force in our bodies. I'm getting kind of interested and intrigued about the possibilities. I don't think I want to go back to full body orgasms all the time, but the hum sure is fun.

Since then, I've backed way off doing the really prolonged intense sessions. I'm just going through the CD as is, and letting the energy work its magic slowly, instead of pushing myself through whatever is going on.

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In the outside world...???...

I'm coming to realizations of fears of some of the decisions I am facing. Although I am recognizing old patterns, I'm trying to do them in a different way now than I did years ago. And..I think I'm succeeding, smiles.

Eskimo Nebula from here