Powerful Living 2: Death

This post is the second in a three part series on Living Powerfully and was inspired by Karen Lynch over at Live The Power, who is celebrating her Blog Anniversary . Go check all her celebration stuff out as parties are fun. The first part of this series is here.

There's nothing like remembering Death to put things in perspective. This is not a new topic for me on this blog as I consider my relationship with Death to be integral to Living Powerfully. As explained on that post, it was out of a very difficult period in my life that I decided to start living life as if I was going to die soon. Because I might. Death is now my constant friend, reminding me to live fully as best I can right now, because She calls me. I don't know when She will show up, but I know She eventually will. And when She does, I want to be able to look Her straight in the eye and say I've lived a life what makes me smile.

We all know we're going to die as some strange abstract "out there" thing that happens to others. The younger we are, the further away and more unreal it seems: me, my existence, this body will never move again, mind will go blank? What will the world be without me?

Ego doesn't do well with this. It deals with it by ignoring it, putting Death in the shadows. We don't talk about Death directly, but it comes out in our horror and/or violent films filled with gore. It's kind like sex- we have this strange relationship with it, glorifying/try to surfacely come to terms with it it in abstract twisted ways. But the minute anyone wants to really talk about it in healthy terms we start to squirm.

Squirm is where I live.

The deeper I went into this Death thing, going to conferences on Death and Dying, reading books such as A Year to Live By Steven Levine, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and other noteworthy books, the more I saw that I was intrigued and enthralled...but dancing on the edges of "I am going to die." I wasn't really confronting the reality on an emotional, existential level that I, I, I was going to die.

I only got there over the course of a number of "touching death" experiences. One was the incident I describe in the post linked to above. I also went there a few more times during breathwork sessions. In all the cases, I went fully into the searing pain of it all. Past logic, past my carefully constructed ever-so-subtle protections. I just went fully into experiencing This Ego's ripping-apart demise. Terror. Annihilation.

At first, anyway. The hardest point is on the edge's edge. Once I went over fully into it, the pain only stayed for a very short time. Very. Once I truly let it go all the way over to pure experience, it transmuted into Freedom, Clarity and Joy.

So, first gift of Death as Teacher of Powerful Living: The fear of something is wayway worse than the actual experience of it. In my holding off of going over that edge into oblivion, I hold myself in pain for a much longer time than the very short time of full embodiment/experience. And I learned that I am very tricksy in holding off...thinking I've gone there. But unless I experience that Freedom, Clarity and Joy, I haven't fully gone into it.

Another piece of My Truth that came after the "let go" was the experience that energy never dies. I have memory of "in between" lives. There are times that I wish I was like some mystics that live in LaLaLand after that, but those aren't my gifts. I have wayway too much of a Midwestern Sceptic Scientist Voice that lives alongside Mystic to stay there. My job is that I get to learn how to get LogicMind, which reverts to fear, to play with me with this MysticMind knowing.

So begins the talk: Well...I know that energy never dies. I can't really know with this mind that this is true...but I've felt it, seen it, been there. I can't say what that means....if it's that my soul is a glump that's all connected to this ego and will travel as a unified glump to another life...or if soul just dissolves and re-emerges into The All. But let's just say that energy continues in whatever form. But...screams Ego....Oh-NO...but what if that isn't The Truth? What if my experience of life between lives is no more than an aneurysm playing tricks? Then, LogicMind, you'll be dead and it won't matter. So, rather than go there, let's just "say like" what you experienced is real and pretend (if that's the only way you'll play) that your energy won't be gone entirely. All is well. You are Loved.

When Ego can come to peace even momentarily with Death- what more is there to fear? Every time something comes up where I have fear, I can always eventually revert back to Death as the ultimate reference point and the fear lessens in comparison. Is Victim afraid of being judged? Yes. Well...what's the worst thing that can happen? "The They" might "punish" me. What's the worst thing that can happen if They punish me? They can kill me. But...if they kill you, you just revert to Soul and are joyous, then re-emerge back into life when you desire to so what's the big deal? Oh...Ok...put in that context, then let's just let go of the fear about the judgement as it's a blip. I don't have enought money, I'm behind schedule, I'm overweight, I am alone, I have made mistakes, I am unlovable. Why do I care? In the end I'm just going to die....so it is important to fret here? Victim looses hold.

Death allows me to live powerfully in the Now because Now is all the exists. It both holds the seeds of all future creation and it dies the minute it's created, making way for the birth/death of that next now. What I am upset about Now is nothing in the scope of things. Do I really think that a year from today I will even remember what transpired today? In five years? So since it will be gone, it holds no power unless I let it.

In fact, this whole life is a blip in the time and scope of my Soul's journey, in the scope of all creation. Coming to terms with Death allows me to let go of this moment's imminence a little more, stand back and see from perspective of the Whole of Creation in relation to this comparatively small thing in front of me. I let go of grasping, so can choose in the moment to Live Powerfully instead of being ruled by Fear, Doubt, or anything other than Love...which is all that exists.

Finally, Death taught me the Powerful Living of celebrating "It is what it is." When I simply accepted that I will die, and let go of the emotionality and judgement that it is a "bad" thing, I learned to look at lots more as just being What Was. I now get to see where my attachments are versus What Is happening and to let go of outcome. I keep my mind on what I want to create in the now, but I let it go.

Usually....

Again...remembering, as I've said and resaid over and over there in this blog: these are the places of my Learning....and reLearning in daily practice. I don't think that Powerful Living is an end place. I think it's an ongoing process of coming to one's plateaus, then finding the next levels.

Like most of us, I don't stay in the awareness states I've found. I get glimpses of it, like we all do, and then I forget. I get lost, and then return to The Path with the knowledge that it's all part of the Journey. I try to always be gentle with myself. And the greatest gift that I think I have pretty much mastered with all of this is to to be gentle with myself even about not being gentle with myself. It's about learning to love myself. Which, interestingly enough, is the third part of this series on my main tools for Living Powerfully and will be talked about next......

Art Images:

Void from here

Void II from here

Void from here

Light Body Balls from here