Thursday's Tantra: I'm Visiting.....

....over at Kara-Leah's blog "be Conscious now" today talking about Sex and Spirit. She was kind enough to ask me to be a guest blogger some time back. Come visit!! And check out all her other posts while there. She has lots of insights, great processes and ideas for connecting with Spirit, all pulled together with a huge heart that shines through.

Image from here

Also..don't forget to go visit my good friend Greenwoman for her Thursday's Tantra post on Resistance And Submission.

The Measure Of Success

In days of yore, I was always focused on the end. I didn't understand it when people said that it wasn't the destination, it was the journey that was important. It was a total "huh?" disconnect for me.

In the business world, success is defined by "results." If you are a sales person, it depends on how many and how large of sales you make, how big an account you bring in. If you are a lawyer, it's how many cases you've won. For a real estate agent, it's snagging the multi-million dollar piece of property to close.

We all like to set goals and achieve them, whatever our reasons. Maybe it's for the sense of accomplishment- a creation completed. Perhaps we want to succeed to feed our egos for whatever reason. Perhaps we are committed to something we believe will benefit the world. When things go according to our design, we automatically take it as our accomplishment, feel a sense of success. It feels good.

But what if we try to do something and it doesn't turn out like we hoped it would? We give it our all, we bring expertise, do all the right things, work really hard at it and nothing comes through? Are we then incompetent failures? The traditional business model of success=performance would say so.

I disagree.

Many years ago, I was a lay midwife. At that time, it was a calling that in my state rode the edges of the law. If any one of a number of things would have happened to either a mom or baby under my care which were outside my control, I could have been arrested for practicing medicine without a license. I can tell you first hand that most of birth is out of the control of medical personel. That anyone has any control is an illusion of the highest degree. Why do you think there are so many C Sections? It's the only way to semi-control birth.

I read obstetrical texts for my training, did intensive apprentice training with other midwives, took classes and workshops from nurses and doctors. Even in my small conservative community, I had a few doctors that respected my opionion and treated me as a peer. In other words I was good at what I did and was respected by the "profession" by those who would open their minds a bit.

But if anything would have happened, even if I had done everything correctly, sometimes especially if I had done things correctly (like use a restricted drug to stop a woman from hemorrhaging), I could have been thrown in jail. And just because I chose, for very logical reasons, to not finish my RN degree and licensure process, I would have automatically been judged as misguided and irresponsibe by some, to evil and dangerous by others. This, while having nothing but loving intent and passionate commitment to something I fervently believed parents and babies had a right to: the ability to choose to birth at home.

I then had an agriculturally based business. As the years went by, we hired more and more Mexicans. They were happy. They worked. They didn't complain. They made the job fun. Given the nature of the industry, we were not able to ever offer them any sort of advancement that would make them wealthy or successful by regular business mode standards. They worked hard and in horrible conditions (it gets really hot here, lots of mosquitoes, and ag work is hard labor intensive work when you do it organically). In many respects, they worked much harder than many folk who made much more money than they ever would.

And then as I started looking around more I started to challenge this idea of success=outcome even more.

I think of all the women who have births that require intervention. Many of them are ashamed that they have to get a C Section, feel like failures because they want drugs to ease pain. I think of parents who work really hard, love their kids, do their best and their beloved child ends up a junkie. The parents blame themselves, feel like failures of the highest degree. I watch people who can't lose weight having to deal with the world looking at them as losers.

I watch my healer friends, who have such high intentions to give service to the world, struggling with their bills even when they work forty hours a week plus...if they can get that many clients. I have met very few alternative healers who make an income that would be considered "successful," because their services are not deemed important enough to compensate as well as a lawyer or doctor or consultant. Many of them invest lots of money in tuitions. They spend years educating themselves, investing in their job. The people they serve are greatly impacted, yet we don't value that as much as we do being able to close a real estate deal.

And what of a business owner who goes bankrupt? Many from the outside look in and see mismanagement. Maybe there was, maybe not. Maybe there were things way outside the person's ability to predict (heck anyone to predict) what might happen at any given time. I sometimes think that the label "mismanagement" is applied so that others looking in can feel better, safer in their world. I understand it's important to keep worldviews intact and that judgments often help us to feel safe. I've learned, though, in countless ways, that unless I am in the middle of something, I can never know what's really going on anywhere. Heck...I can't even understand lots of the energetics of what I am in the middle of. How do I think I can figure it out for any other situation?

I've known of many women who have C Sections with 7 pound babies and are told that their pelvis is too small to ever deliver vaginally. Two years later, they easily give birth vaginally to a nine pound baby. I've known of parents who have one child who is happy and well adjusted and their other child commits suicide. I've known of business owners who lose everything only to come back with the same set of skills and do really well in their next one.

There's lots more to my world than just formula A leads to happy result B. There are energetics, unconscious beliefs, soul tasks and circumstances that no one can judge from the outside which influence "outcomes." I've had situations in my life I can point to and smile because my ego gets to think it "succeeded." There have been times in the past of incredible pain where I've made decisions that I've hung my head in shame in until I realized that I did the best I could. That's the only thing I can ask of myself and it's the only thing I ask of anyone else.

I've changed my definition of success. It's not about outcome. All I have conscious control over, all I can truly succeed at in any situation, is my intention and how I choose to honorably act in that situation. "Honorably" being defined as being in integrity with myself and others around me. I can't control other people, I can't make the world be what I want it to be. I have to operate from a place of trust until proven otherwise, I have to let go of circumstances that don't turn out the way I hoped they would and try my best to keep true to my Voice. It took me well into my late 30's to get that whole "journey" thing. But I'm ever so happy I finally got it.

All Photos by Nancy Rotenberg

Tantra: Soul Gazing

Short, sweet, simple post, but maybe the most profound Tantric experience: looking into the eyes of your partner for long periods of time. Whenever I do it, it feels like my partner and I melt into one another. I lose all sense of boundaries, separateness. Nothing exists but his eyes, the beating of my heart and the halo that surrounds us.

To do this is simple...just gaze into the left eye, said to be the window to the soul.

If you want to dress it up a bit, you can add a heart salutation, something I learned from Margo Anand. For this, you and your partner sit across from one another. Put your hands in the prayer pose pointing down to Earth. One person breathes, the other follows their breath (the best way to do synchronized breathing). After you've settled in and feel a connection, as you inhale you bring the hands up, still in prayer pose, to your hearts. With the next exhale you keep the hands at the heart and touch foreheads. Breath together there for awhile, closing your eyes and focusing on your internal feelings and the connection of your bodies at the forehead. When it feels like it's time, you break contact of foreheads with an inbreath, sitting back up straight. Open your eyes when you feel like it's time. Then on an outbreath, point the hands back down to Earth. You can do this more than one time, whatever feels "right" to you.

You can then sit across from each other not touching, just gazing into each other's eyes, or I like to connect at the heart. Each of you places your right hand on the other's heart. Then you take your left hand and put it on your heart, over your partners right hand. Breathe together, again, with one person setting the rhythm, the other following. On the outbreath, feel the energy go from your heart, down your right hand, into your partner's heart. Then imagine it mixing with the other's love energy in their heart and coming down their right arm into your heart with the inbreath. Change focus back and forth, until you feel the circle. Yum........

Feel where the two of you go.....

And, don't forget to visit my Tantra Sister, Greenwoman who's topic for this Thursday's Tantra about solo practice and submission. Juicy stuff.

Art:

Eye from here
Chakra Couple from here

Outstanding Women Bloggers!!!

My dear Birthday Blog friend, Karen from Live the Power, has nominated me for being on the list of "Outstanding Women Bloggers." I get to feel special even MORE this week!! Pretty cool.

Valeria Maltoni of Conversation Agent is the brilliant mind behind this list. I get to pass on the celebration and the awards.

So...I choose, Jennifer of Goodness Gracious and The Art of Intimacy, Kara Leah of be Conscious now, Isabella Mori of Change Therapy, and Greenwoman of Defining Spiritual Presence.

All of you belong on a list of Outstanding Women Bloggers! Please pass along the honor to as many other Outstanding Women Bloggers as you wish.

Here is the list so far……
45 Things by Anita Bruzzese
A Look at Art & Design: Lisa Mikulski
angiemckaig.com: still a great pair of legs Angie McKaig
AnjaMerret.com by Anja Merret
Ask Dr. Kirk The Artsy Asylum by Susan Reynolds
Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao
Balanced Life Center-Spirituality applied to Life by Nneka
be Conscious now by Kara-Leah Masina
BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil
Biz Growth News by Krishna De
Brain Based Biz by Dr. Robyn McMaster
Brain Based Business by Dr. Ellen Weber
Brand Sizzle Anne Simons
Branding & Marketing Chris Brown
Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk
Build a Solo Practice, LLC by Susan Cartier Liebel
Change Therapy by Isabella Mori
Christine Kane by Christine Kane
CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)
Colloquium by JHSEsq
Communication Overtones Kami Huyse
Confident Writing by Joanna Young
Conscious Business by Anne Libby
Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni
Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht
Customers Are Always by Maria Palma
Customers Rock! Becky Carroll
CustServ by Meikah David
Creative Curio by Lauren Marie
Debbie Millman by Debbie Millman
Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz
Defining Spiritual Presence by Greenwoman
Designers Who Blog by Cat Morley
Design Your Life Ellen and Julia Lupton, identical twins
Design Your Writing Life by Lisa Gates
Diary of Claudine Hellmuth Claudine Hellmuth
Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg
Do It Myself Blog by Glenda Watson Hyatt
Dooce by Heather B. Armstrong
EdithYeung.com by Edith Yeung
Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen
Emily Chang - Strategic Designer Emily Chang
Enter the Laughter by Marti Lawrence
Escape Blog by Melissa Petri
Escape from Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim
eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento
Essential Keystrokes by Char
Every Dot Connects by Connie Reece
Fish Creek House by GP
Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore
Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa
Forward Steps by Thea Westra
Franke James by Franke James
Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath
Great Presentations Mean Business by Laura Athavale Fitton
Hey Marci by Marci Alboher
Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield
Goodness Gracious by Jennifer
Holly’s Corner Blog by Holly Schwendiman
ifelse by Phu Ly
Illustration Friday Penelope Dullaghan
Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
J.T. O’Donnell Career Insights by J.T. O’Donnell
Joyful, Jubilant Learning by Rosa Say
Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard
Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
Lindsay Pollak by Lindsay Polla
Live the Power by Karen Lynch
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss
Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen
Making Life Work for You by April Groves
Manage to Change by Ann Michael
Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg
Mandarin Design Daily:The MEG Blog Michelle Goodrich
Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood
Moda di Magno by Lori Magno
Modite by Rebecca Thorman
molly.com Molly E. Holzschlag
My Secret Spiritual Dance by Pamm
Narrat Assets Karen Hegman
Netdiver Carole Guevin
On My Desk Linzie Hunter
Pass the Torch by Kelly Curtis
Peace Love Harmony by Kirsten Harrell
Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall
Priscilla Palmer: Personal Development Demands Success by Priscilla Palmer
Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning
Purse Lip Square Jaw Anne Galloway
Small Biz Survival by Becky McCray
Small Failures: Sustainability for the Rest of Us Jess Sand
swissmiss Tina Roth Eisenberg
The Brand Dame by Lyn Chamberlin
this is rachelandrew.co.uk Rachel Andrew
Sheriar Designs Mani Sheriar
Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich
Talk It Up Heidi Miller
Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller
The copy Writing Maven Roberta Rosenberg
The Blog Angel by Claire Raikes
The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery
The Floozy Blog by Kate Coote
The Kiss Business Too by Karin H.
The Origin of Brands Laura Ries
The Parody by Sasha Manuel
The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorringe
Veerle’s blog 2.0 VeerleVersa Creations by Vivienne
Water Cooler Wisdom by Alexandra Levit
Wealth Strategy Secrets by Nicola Cairncross
What’s Next Blog B L Ochman
That’s What She Said by Julie Elgar
Ypulse by Anastasia Goodstein

Thursday's Tantra: An Erotic Healing Story

The music in the background is a gentle, sensual, slow beat like the beating of a heart. She sits in Lotus, nude at her altar, lights two candles flanking the statue she has of Shiva embracing Shakti in Yab Yum.

Her eyes now closed, she breathes deeply into her belly. With each breath, she feels herself go deeper and deeper into herself. She sees energy entering her first chakra, filling her, then moving out of her body with the exhale. With each breath she moves her focus up her body, allowing in clarity, cleansing each center, then allowing all that she no longer needs to leave with the outbreath.

When she feels open, clear, she brings the earth's energy up into her, feeling it enter her body, swirling, filling her as she sends roots out her first chakra into the earth all the way to its core. She is grounded in the mother. Now with her outbreath, she feels roots coming out the top of her head, searching, traveling to the outer spaces, rooting her firmly in the father. Breathing in, she pulls gold down from the sky, green up from the earth and unites them in her heart.

The door knocks. She puts on a sarong and goes to open it. Here is the man who is visiting her today, who has come for an experience he has never had before. She invites him in and brings him to a pre-filled bath. It has flower petals floating on it. Spicy lavender, cinnamon and cloves smells softly fill the air. Candles are all around. He disrobes, steps in, sinks down into the water.

She sits next to him outside the tub. He looks into her eyes, and she invites him to breathe with her. She asks him to concentrate on each area she touches, to imagine the air there, feeling it vibrate. As she touches each chakra, he brings focus there and within a few minutes he starts to relax, to let go of his outside world.

She tenderly washes his body, charging the water to cleanse his body, mind, soul and heart of the week's stresses and hurts. They breathe together and feels himself let go at even deeper levels. Nowhere but right here, right now exists.

The bath done, she dries him off, taking her time, paying attention to every part of his body. Every breath's awareness comes to her touch. She takes his hand, and leads him to the massage.

Off goes her sarong as he lies down on the floor. She sits between his legs which he has splayed over hers.

He is open, vulnerable. Again, they pause, as they look into each others' eyes. She sychronizes her breath to his, then subtly slows them both down. She leans over his sex and places a hand on his heart. They breathe together. Then she invites him to close his eyes as they begin a dance on the floor.

At first it's the dance of stillness. She holds her hand on his heart. Then she places the other on Vajra.* She stops, concentrating on connecting the energy. She invites Vajra's yang energy up her arm, through her heart, then out the other arm and hand, sending their combined energy into his heart. Seeing/sensing the circle of energy she continues with breathing and uniting their bodies and souls. The massage begins.

It's like none he's ever felt before, no massage he has even heard of. No particular rhythms, no particular strokes. Her hands move all over him, his whole body covered in oil. Sometimes she touches lightly, like a feather. Sometimes her hands don't even touch at all, tracing butterfly lines that are more sensed than felt. At other times her touch goes deep...he can feel it in his bones. She does long strokes, taps him, scratches, thumps his skin, deeply kneads. She cradles him at one point and holds him on her lap while rocking him, softly humming a lullaby. Every part of his body is included, no one part getting more attention than another. One minute she is drawing circles around his nipples, the next she is digging her elbow into his thigh, then sliding her whole body down the length of his back. He's flipped one way then the other, turned, folded, stretched.

He feels Her. Not only her hands, but all of her concentrated in them. Soon he notices a sensation in his chest. Its a constriction. He has no idea what internal place it comes from. As she is still very much in trance, she intuitively puts her hand there, moving it in imperceptively small circles. The other hand touches his perineum. She gently rocks his whole body rhythmically, connecting Heart and Sex. It's quiet, so quiet, so peaceful, he's so open. And the tears start to fall because he's never felt like this before, never knew it possible for a body to feel so cared for and embraced, so whole, so alive from head to toe.

She moves back between his legs, now focusing on Vajra. Her whole body, her whole being is focused here. She has felt her heart in her hands this hour, pouring out her connected Love to him, expressing it in every move she makes; honoring, seeing/feeling this man as the embodiment of God here on Earth.

And now she feels herself dive even deeper into herself. She brings the energy up, sends a prayer to Shiva to direct her hands and heart now in her honoring if Him in this aspect of Life Force. Placing her hands with reverence, she begins to stroke Vajra and Jewels with love and adoration. Her hands dance with different rhythms. As he starts to feel an orgasmic release coming, he, as instructed, tells her his level of arousal before he has reached the tipping point of no return. She stops, wrapping her fingers around the top of the scrotom at the base of Vajra and gently pulling down with one hand, while taking the other and squeezing right under the head to stop any chance of ejaculation.

Each time they reach this crescendo, she reminds him to breathe the energy up and throughout his body. Each time his body fills with increasing energy so that soon his whole body is pulsing. Each time the sensation peaks get closer together and stronger but they are able to work in unison.

They hold ejaculation off for quite awhile until this last time he explodes, fire shooting out the top of his head, hands and feet. Energy keeps rolling in waves over his body in the longest orgasm he has ever had.

When he is spent and lying there in bliss, she lays Vajra pointing towards his heart, lying on his lower belly. She takes her left hand and covers it gently, letting the warmth of her hands comfort and connect. Again, she puts her hand on his heart, connecting the two with her breath.

After a few minutes of this time out of time, she invites him to lie on his side and she spoons him from behind, putting her hand over his body on his heart, filling him with all the Love she has to give, giving Thanks to Shiva for giving them these bodies to share Divinity.

After awhile, when he feels grounded, he gets up and goes to dress. While passing a mirror, he notices that the lines in his face have softened. He looks decades younger, at peace, his eyes shining so brightly they almost glow.

As she shuts the door, the woman goes back to the altar and sits again, in Lotus, giving thanks for being a vehicle of transformation for this man. She reconnects to her sisters of the past who welcomed warriors back, giving thanks for their legacy and the line she continues for the men who do their own form of battle today. She feels full and at peace. Everything in the room shimmers with energy which she feels whirling both out and inside her. She knows she's not ready to rejoin the modern world so takes the rest of the day to ground herself. Slowly reconnecting to this time and space, she is gentle with herself and her psyche. She breathes.

______________________________

*Tantra poetic word for penis

This story was previously published on my other blog.

Please be sure to visit my dear friend and Sister Tantrika Greenwoman for her post on Thursday's Tantra:Solitary Practice. All her posts are wonderful, but this in is particularly exciting for me as she is sharing some of her deep healing process. Yum.

And...if you would like to be included in a link for writing on Tantra or other forms of Sacred Sex on Thursdays, we would love to include you. Also..any questions for either of us are always welcome, too.

Blessings!!

Art:

Hieros Gamos by Jay Gutveg
Two red couple images from here
Tantra Dance 2 from here

I Feel Special

I'm pretty blown away and just want to say a heartfelt Thank YOU!! to two people who have been kind enough to review my blog and say wonderful things about it. Makes my heart happy.

The first honoring is from Darcy at Spiritual Blog Reviews. Her site is very informative because she's done the homework of checking out the blogs here in SpiritualBlogLand and gives a short synopsis, thereby saving us the work of having to sift and sort through archives. Go check her out!!!

And a very special Thanks to Kara-Leah Masina of be Consious now, who gave this blog a really nice review. I was quite delighted and taken offguard...was not expecting it or the kind words. (I was, of course, being a bit self-critical as my webmaster has disappeared and I'm not sure of the direction I want to take...so lots isn't fininshed here to make it "professional.") She was very kind, wink, wink....

Kara-Leah is an articulate, dedicated woman and a great writer. I am so impressed with her commitment to her and others' Paths. Her heart feels huge to me and she has lots of really wonderful and helpful sparkly reminders of how to reconnect with Spirit. I applaud her journey...she's going for it with a refreshing mix of the personal and the Spiritual Practice, bravely sharing things that are not easy to share in the outer world. I am especially excited about her beginning forays into stretching herself to talk about Sex and Spirit here in SpiritualBlogLand. It's scary, but I feel, vital to include this most Holy aspect of ourselves in the discussion. You are a hero to me.

Powerful Living 3- Loving Myself

This is the third piece of how I live powerfully. The first two parts are about how I see The Victim, the second is my relationship with Death. These posts were inspired by Karen Lynch's Blog Birthday Bash.

________________________________

I love us folk "on the path." I love hearing our stories how we came to where we are (one of the reasons I love blogs...free, ongoing, mini-biographies). I love how dedicated we become to our path of self discovery. We spend hours reading, studying, doing all sorts of practices, going to workshops, taking online courses, doing classes of all sorts and kinds on body, mind and Spirit.

We are, as a group, committed. We do really difficult work, mucking our way through our issues (...and man this stuff takes time and energy...yes?). Once you're on The Path, there's "no going back...." right?????

Our goals are "honorable." We want to become better to be happier, more productive people. We want to be better partners, parents and friends to those we love, better citizens to co-create a better, balanced planet. Many of us want to become enlightened. We want to be our own personal best. And when many of us find answers, we want to spread the word of the world as we see it. We want to teach others what we've learned..."the way."

If the rest of the Speerchul world is anything like I was, we are always looking for the piece that will help us heal some wounding within ourselves:

"I want to heal the old relationship issues I have so that I don't bring those to my new relationship...I want to start healthy and whole."

"When I heal the piece about my father not loving me, I will feel whole."

"If I could just find where in my life I got this procrastination/eating/poverty consciousness issue from, my life would magically be better."

"If I can just flow positive energy, then things will also flow outside me in ways that are more in line with my vision."

"If I am a vegetarian and meditate enough and do enough yoga, my body will then be pure so I can move the energy better, which will lead me to enlightenment much faster."

And on, and on, and on.

I used to be a Type A person (I really, really was....and no one who knows me now who didn't know me then, believes me but it's true). I was really Type A with my Spiritual Path. After devoting most of my waking hours to either practice or pondering my Spiritual Path and personal growth; after about $30,000 in alternative therapies, workshops, books, heavy duty bodywork, classes, study courses- I had a realization.

By the time I hit about 38 I could see that I had come far, but oh my...I still had wa-a-a-a-a-a-aay more to go. When I would finally feel like I had an issue healed, four more would pop up.

Oh.

My.

God....

...it will NEVER end.

I will ALWAYS be fucked up.

I froze.

I started to freak out.

Then I felt it.....

What a.....relief!!!!

I will always be fucked up....wow....cool....No matter what I do, I will always be wounded. No matter what I do I will always have issues to work on, to mend, to be aware of. It's a part of being human. I don't have to heal anything to find a perfect partner because five more things will show up behind it...plus...my partner will be wounded, too. And that's OK...this spice is what we came here to do and play in.

It's OK that I'm not enlightened...I don't ever HAVE to be enlightened. And I don't have to go anywhere to find enlightenment, I don't have to buy any more books, go to any more seminars, spend any more money doing any of this stuff unless it's to play and fine tune...I don't HAVE to be doing this any more.

And...get this...Pammie...even if I get it even half way together this life, I will die and just start this journey all over again. It's never ending.* Ha-ha-ho-ho-he-he-ha-ha.

What a relief to let go of the striving for perfection!!!

And another big revelation??? I thought I liked Me before, and that all this was coming from love and "good, right" intention. And it was. But now I see that I was giving myself subtle, and not so subtle, messages that there was something wro-o-o-o-ng with me. That I was flawed, not whole, not complete, separate. My Victim had tricks-i-ly convinced me that I had so much wrong with me that there was no way I could ever get out of it, or feel whole because of all the imagined stuff.

Maybe I'm just a very slow learner. Maybe it's because I'd done all that stuff that I got to this place. I really haven't a bloody clue and it doesn't matter. What matters to me is that I really like what it's done inside me.

There's a calmness that was never there before. I laugh at myself. Whereas I was "on a serious mission" before, now I am much more playful and fun. I made peace with Victim, told it it no longer had the strongest voice to keep me from feeling whole. My self talk is gentle, different, fun, compassionate. When I go through hard times, it's not beating myself up because I and/or life are somehow IMPERFECT. It's more about...hm....feeling this ripping apart...not fun...what to do? Get lost? Lose trust in my Voice? Stop trusting? I now remember my Spirit and balance returns much faster. Instead of "Oh my... gotta go to some breathwork to figure this all out, gotta do this, gotta find that something that was the cause of this to root it out and HEAL!!!" Now it's: ...here we are. Feel, feel, be, feel. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. You are OK, you are loved, all is well. If you're lost, you'll find yourself again. Breathe.

I am much more present, feel much more Life Force moving through me. Because I'm not so worried about "doing things right," I have lots more energy to really be with others. Since I let go of my inner struggle, I'm no longer inside myself and can be fully here with them. Because I laugh at myself, I laugh much more with others foibles, instead of judging. If I make a mistake, it's no big deal. If others make a mistake it's no big deal. I see many more "mistakes" and "miscommunications" where I used to be sure someone was intentionally doing something to me. I feel much more compassion for the world and all our little things that make us human. I feel others hearts even more. I don't have to look far to always find the positive in life and others now: positive is just there. Because I am coming more and more to terms with the dark places inside me, I can extend that out to others. Because I'm gentle with myself, I can be gentle with others when they need that gentleness the most. I realized that before, no matter how hard I was trying, I couldn't extend out that which I wasn't willing to give myself. It wasn't balanced.

Am I saying that the journey isn't needed? Not really. I don't know about anyone else, we all have our own journeys. It obviously was needed for me because that's what I did. Am I saying that there is nothing more to learn? No. Do I think I will never attend another workshop, read another book, listen to another Teacher? I haven't a clue what the future brings. I may want to, but that's a very different energy than thinking I need to do this to get better.

So now when people talk or write me about the confusion they feel, or if they are upset that they haven't moved further upon the Path, or are upset or questioning something in their lives about their lovability...I remind them:

You are doing just fine. In fact, look at how really well you are doing- look at this, look at that. Be gentle with yourself!!! Instead of looking at what is yet to be done, let's look at what you've accomplished, how far you've come. You are on their path...learning right now, doing fine, doing the right thing because whatever you do is the right thing...there are no mistakes in the long run because you can always change course and go another way. What you're doing now will serve you in ways you can't begin to imagine now. You're doing really really well. You are learning lots, learning about yourself. The learning may not be able to be assessed in multiple choice format, but you will begin to notice things have shifted in magical ways and you are a different person than you were before, reacting differently, seeing things differently. You will be stronger in yourself.

I invite them to imagine they are with their best friend who is in deep pain. Would you berate that friend who is in agony now? Coldly or angrily tell them to go fix themselves? No...you would hug that friend. You would be there with them. Sit with them, hold them, love them. Please....be with yourself in the same ways you would be with this friend or a child in pain. Give yourself that which you give others.

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I think that when we learn to love ourselves we shift in all sorts of ways. What we do on the outside may look the same, because much of the action is the same. But I think the outcome is much more positive when we approach our Living from a place of LovingOurselves Power. I also believe in the magic that when we are acting from a place of inner love and harmony, that our mere presence shows others that there is another way...the way of self love.

When people love themselves, they naturally extend that love outward toward the world. They don't have to be mean to others to protect "what's theirs." They trust. They don't judge others. They do no harm and live with a strong sense of internal ethics. Likewise, when they see action out of alignment with the good of The Whole, they act because they have to. When you love yourself, you can't not act. But the action comes from a very different place and intent.

Aside from a short period of my life, I have always done service work of some sort.

I am, once again, slowly beginning to work more for the a larger audience of people and the planet. But this time it's from an entirely different energetic intent. It's softer. Before, my motivation came from being driven by my Victim Voice that I needed to fix the imperfect world. I'm no longer on an angry mission to arrogantly change the world according to my image. I learned that although it may make perfectly logical sense to me, my image may not be the the highest Vision for the planet and its people. Imagine that....peoople have their own ideas about how they want to live their lives....and that might not match mine!!! It's like when someone is dying...long ago I used to think that I "should be" praying for the person to get better and live. Then I came to understand that it might not be what that particular soul wants. Who am I to say what's best here? Likewise, in the bigger picture of the cosmos, the world is just fine and is creating itself more and faster every day.

But there is pain and as this hurts the whole, it touches my heart. This time, I don't feel the need to heal the world. I want to support Earth and it's people in the ways they define they want that help. Because I'm an Italian Leo, I get on an occasional fun rant or four. But when that's done and I calm down, in the end, I am comfortable enough in myself that I don't need the world to fit my vision of what it should be. I trust that all is well and working its way through whatever the Soul Path is.

Service work still calls me. It's where I feel most alive. I am slowly beginning to put myself in the middle of places where people are remembering and re-awakening to their empowered selves and creating new lives in the ways they define and want them. Because I love myself now, and am not caught by my Victim, I no longer see Victims out there that need help or fixing. I see Strong Souls who have lived and learned lots through their ordeals and are ready for huge creation. I am excited to see what they will create and want to celebrate and support them. I feel called to do this because there is simply nothing else I can do.

Plus, it's really a lot of fun.

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* I don't suscribe to the whole wanting to get off the karmic wheel of life thing because I think from our soul perspective this Earthly life thing is a good thing. I think souls are chomping at the bit to get the opportunity to come back here and add to creation in this way. And...part of that co-creation is working with and loving our "stuff."

Art and Images:

Dalai Lama from here

Jesus from here

Kuan Yin from here

Mary from here

Tara from here

!!!Public Service Announcment!!!

We've been playing the abundance game on the left sidebar for awhile now, with the winners listed there. Karen Lynch has won three times now and it's been way fun sending everyone tapes.

I have a request- if you Stumble a post of mine, please let me know you are the stumbler so I can keep track and give credit for hits where credit is due!!! Leave a comment or send an email. Thanks!!!

Thursday's Tantra: Another Side Of Tantra

I know most people’s concept of Tantra is about it being all sweet and light. That's because it is. And while this is the comfortable, "acceptable" part of Tantra, this is not my experience of the whole of it. I call Tantra "the Path of Life." It's about being with all of life and being present in the now whether in sex or drinking tea or working on a project or riding a bike. It's about making every act, every second of our lives Sacred no matter that we do or where we go.

Tantra is about the inner union of opposites to return to the One. It is exemplified in Tantric Sexual Union, where the polarities of our dualisitic world, male and female, yin and yang, join and remind us of our forgotten Union with the Divine.

For me, the deeper meaning of Tantra is about the “light” and the "dark” and how they are both part of existence no matter how much we want to run from the uncomfortableness one aspect may bring. We, as humans give the dark/the denied, meaning overlaid with our perceptions and emotions. In Tantra, the dark is as much a part of creation, and therefore sacred, as the light, with the secret that binds being unconditional love.

We, in the West concentrate on the light. We want to be happy, we hate the hard parts of life, try to avoid pain, both inner and outer. But often Tantric Trainings and exercises are designed to bring up the dark, the taboo, the hidden, the judged. Tantra is about integration/acceptance/ reunion with that which we vehemently deny and run from within ourselves to keep our egos safe and acceptable to society and our Inner Judge. Tantra invites us to embrace our demons rather than run from them. When we do, we release the hold they have on us and bring us closer to enlightenment.

As a quick way to cover lots of territory I will offer a few examples here to illustrate this:

-The Masters and Devi’s often lived in cremation grounds. We in the West cannot understand the repulsion and taboos this confronted in the societies in which these people lived.

-One of the highest Tantric rituals is called "Maithuna" and used to include consumption of five of the most culturally forbidden foods/drinks along with ritualized sexual union. Sometimes the devotees in an extreme sect of Tantra called "Aghora" will engage in necrophilia to overcome this most repulsive taboo, therefor freeing themselves from ego constraints.

-One of my Teachers was instructed to serve a man who she (and everyone else) considered disgusting: homeless, filthy dirty, sores, terrible teeth and breath. This man hated women and berated them. She was instructed to go to him and serve him in any way (even sexually) he wanted and to see and revere him as the embodiment of God he is.

-Very very short essence version of a favorite Tantric story: There is an ashram with acolytes yearning for position of head devotee with the guru who is due to arrive the next day. All is made ready and all are given instructions and prohibitions to make sure all was perfect for the arrival of their Master. There is a young girl who lives there. Late at night, when all are asleep, she goes up to the alter and takes a huge dump on it. The next day, the whole ashram is appalled and in a tizzy when the guru shows up and sees it. They apologize and are terrified of his reaction. He calls for the person who is responsible. The little girl goes up with her head held high and looks the Guru straight in the eye. He bends down, Blesses her and says she is the new head devotee because she, alone, gets it.

Tantra is a Path of paradox, of Coyote/Trickster energy. Nothing is as it seems, all rules are to be broken, because the world’s judgments and rules are only jokes and illusions which hold us back from enlightenment. It’s about meditations where you envision sweet pretty young blue virgins visiting to cleanse you...and using their nails to lovingly rip your body open and pull out your entrails in all their bloody gore to do so. All during this bloody adventure, they look deep into your eyes with love.*

Tantra is about embracing death and destruction of ourselves. Every life ends in a death. Every relationship ends in tragedy: either the couple breaks up or someone dies, leaving the other to grieve. And yet...we still move forward, still participate, still open our hearts to another and to Life.

The dark side of Tantra is automatically called forth every time we look into our Lover’s eyes with pure adoration because every time strong energy is felt, its opposite is also brought forth. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. There have been tons of instances that I've been directly involved with (personally, with clients or at workshops) where after intense healing love is experienced, people will put up huge walls of protection and bring forth their demon energy (anger, fear driven rage) as the balance. There is a need to protect the vulnerability that lies beneath that huge opening. Whenever people do deep work in a session, I warn them to watch for this potential bubbling and churning which may lead to pushing away love. It can manifest in tricksy ways and be painful for all parties concerned, but if we watch for it and understand it we can meet it with Love and assist it's expression for healing, rather than pushing it down again.

Tantra isn't just about sex. But as sex is a part of life, it can include sex. Tantric sexuality takes many forms, but the primary message is that whether doing a Heart Salutation with Soul Gazing or ritualized BDSM, it's all part of the One. Life is Sacred. We enter the sacredness of life in its expression in sex when we become present and make it so. It's our intent and presence that brings in Spirit no matter what form it takes.

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Don't forget to visit Greenwoman's post on Thursday's Tantra. It's a great post on the importance of practicing this stuff to integrate it into your life. It's not about reading a book then doing it once and thinking that you are now a master. The exercises here and in books are presented in the order they are to train you. Think of it like a sport or learning a new dance.

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*This is just part of the meditation. I would not suggest doing it as it's part of an esoteric meditation/journey and should be facilitated by a Teacher. I just presented part of it here to illustrate a point.

Art:

Yabyum by Ben Wright
Dakini from here

Kali from here

Shivashakti from here

Dakini from here

Powerful Living 2: Death

This post is the second in a three part series on Living Powerfully and was inspired by Karen Lynch over at Live The Power, who is celebrating her Blog Anniversary . Go check all her celebration stuff out as parties are fun. The first part of this series is here.

There's nothing like remembering Death to put things in perspective. This is not a new topic for me on this blog as I consider my relationship with Death to be integral to Living Powerfully. As explained on that post, it was out of a very difficult period in my life that I decided to start living life as if I was going to die soon. Because I might. Death is now my constant friend, reminding me to live fully as best I can right now, because She calls me. I don't know when She will show up, but I know She eventually will. And when She does, I want to be able to look Her straight in the eye and say I've lived a life what makes me smile.

We all know we're going to die as some strange abstract "out there" thing that happens to others. The younger we are, the further away and more unreal it seems: me, my existence, this body will never move again, mind will go blank? What will the world be without me?

Ego doesn't do well with this. It deals with it by ignoring it, putting Death in the shadows. We don't talk about Death directly, but it comes out in our horror and/or violent films filled with gore. It's kind like sex- we have this strange relationship with it, glorifying/try to surfacely come to terms with it it in abstract twisted ways. But the minute anyone wants to really talk about it in healthy terms we start to squirm.

Squirm is where I live.

The deeper I went into this Death thing, going to conferences on Death and Dying, reading books such as A Year to Live By Steven Levine, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, and other noteworthy books, the more I saw that I was intrigued and enthralled...but dancing on the edges of "I am going to die." I wasn't really confronting the reality on an emotional, existential level that I, I, I was going to die.

I only got there over the course of a number of "touching death" experiences. One was the incident I describe in the post linked to above. I also went there a few more times during breathwork sessions. In all the cases, I went fully into the searing pain of it all. Past logic, past my carefully constructed ever-so-subtle protections. I just went fully into experiencing This Ego's ripping-apart demise. Terror. Annihilation.

At first, anyway. The hardest point is on the edge's edge. Once I went over fully into it, the pain only stayed for a very short time. Very. Once I truly let it go all the way over to pure experience, it transmuted into Freedom, Clarity and Joy.

So, first gift of Death as Teacher of Powerful Living: The fear of something is wayway worse than the actual experience of it. In my holding off of going over that edge into oblivion, I hold myself in pain for a much longer time than the very short time of full embodiment/experience. And I learned that I am very tricksy in holding off...thinking I've gone there. But unless I experience that Freedom, Clarity and Joy, I haven't fully gone into it.

Another piece of My Truth that came after the "let go" was the experience that energy never dies. I have memory of "in between" lives. There are times that I wish I was like some mystics that live in LaLaLand after that, but those aren't my gifts. I have wayway too much of a Midwestern Sceptic Scientist Voice that lives alongside Mystic to stay there. My job is that I get to learn how to get LogicMind, which reverts to fear, to play with me with this MysticMind knowing.

So begins the talk: Well...I know that energy never dies. I can't really know with this mind that this is true...but I've felt it, seen it, been there. I can't say what that means....if it's that my soul is a glump that's all connected to this ego and will travel as a unified glump to another life...or if soul just dissolves and re-emerges into The All. But let's just say that energy continues in whatever form. But...screams Ego....Oh-NO...but what if that isn't The Truth? What if my experience of life between lives is no more than an aneurysm playing tricks? Then, LogicMind, you'll be dead and it won't matter. So, rather than go there, let's just "say like" what you experienced is real and pretend (if that's the only way you'll play) that your energy won't be gone entirely. All is well. You are Loved.

When Ego can come to peace even momentarily with Death- what more is there to fear? Every time something comes up where I have fear, I can always eventually revert back to Death as the ultimate reference point and the fear lessens in comparison. Is Victim afraid of being judged? Yes. Well...what's the worst thing that can happen? "The They" might "punish" me. What's the worst thing that can happen if They punish me? They can kill me. But...if they kill you, you just revert to Soul and are joyous, then re-emerge back into life when you desire to so what's the big deal? Oh...Ok...put in that context, then let's just let go of the fear about the judgement as it's a blip. I don't have enought money, I'm behind schedule, I'm overweight, I am alone, I have made mistakes, I am unlovable. Why do I care? In the end I'm just going to die....so it is important to fret here? Victim looses hold.

Death allows me to live powerfully in the Now because Now is all the exists. It both holds the seeds of all future creation and it dies the minute it's created, making way for the birth/death of that next now. What I am upset about Now is nothing in the scope of things. Do I really think that a year from today I will even remember what transpired today? In five years? So since it will be gone, it holds no power unless I let it.

In fact, this whole life is a blip in the time and scope of my Soul's journey, in the scope of all creation. Coming to terms with Death allows me to let go of this moment's imminence a little more, stand back and see from perspective of the Whole of Creation in relation to this comparatively small thing in front of me. I let go of grasping, so can choose in the moment to Live Powerfully instead of being ruled by Fear, Doubt, or anything other than Love...which is all that exists.

Finally, Death taught me the Powerful Living of celebrating "It is what it is." When I simply accepted that I will die, and let go of the emotionality and judgement that it is a "bad" thing, I learned to look at lots more as just being What Was. I now get to see where my attachments are versus What Is happening and to let go of outcome. I keep my mind on what I want to create in the now, but I let it go.

Usually....

Again...remembering, as I've said and resaid over and over there in this blog: these are the places of my Learning....and reLearning in daily practice. I don't think that Powerful Living is an end place. I think it's an ongoing process of coming to one's plateaus, then finding the next levels.

Like most of us, I don't stay in the awareness states I've found. I get glimpses of it, like we all do, and then I forget. I get lost, and then return to The Path with the knowledge that it's all part of the Journey. I try to always be gentle with myself. And the greatest gift that I think I have pretty much mastered with all of this is to to be gentle with myself even about not being gentle with myself. It's about learning to love myself. Which, interestingly enough, is the third part of this series on my main tools for Living Powerfully and will be talked about next......

Art Images:

Void from here

Void II from here

Void from here

Light Body Balls from here

Thursday's Tantra: Bringing The Energy Up

If you've learned the basic breath, kegel and pelvic tilt and are combining the three (or at least two of them) you are ready for this stage of practice. Now the fun really begins where you get to start consciously bringing orgasmic energy up your body. You can increase your ability to feel Life energy flowing through you. It also forms the base for increasing orgasmic potential whether you are just beginning to feel it, want to enhance what you already feel, become multi-orgasmic, or if you are a man, help you with both PE and ED.

I've included this picture of the chakra centers as a handy reference.

Although not necessary, it helps with this exercise to have some hypnotic music to play. Something soothing, monotonous, entrancing is best. The CD, El Hadra, is an excellant choice.

This exercise was first taught to me in its basic form in 1994 by Margo Anand. She calls it "Opening the Inner Flute" and it is included in its full on form in her book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy. I think it is the best selling Tantra book in the world.

Basically all you do is to lie on the floor on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Listen to the music and settle in, breathing regularly, grounding, feeling your body and the breath permeate everywhere.

Start your breathing.

Then add the kegels, then pelvic tilt if you want.

After you feel comfortable and relaxed, focus on the red area (first chakra, at the perineum). If you have a difficult visualizing this, some find it helpful to envision the colors and the area itself. It's important for you to continue the exercise even if you don't think you are feeling anything. If you "fake it," in other words, even if you only imagine you can feel it, the body will often follow suit and actually start to feel after awhile. You can't do this wrong.

Feel your sexual energy and visualize that area lighting up and filling with energy. As you exhale, feel/see/sense the energy going out and down. Even if you don't feel anything, just keep pretending you do and often you probably will when you least expect it.

After a few times of having just this area light up, then see the energy move from there to the next stop above the pelvic bone. Release/see/sense/feel the energy go down and out as you exhale.

After a few of those, bring it up to your belly. Take a few breaths there, pulling energy up, letting it out.

Just keep going, stopping for a few breaths at each energy center; to the heart; throat; between the eyebrows; all the while imagining you are bringing Life energy up the center of your body. Eventually you bring it all the way up to the top of your head.

Then after you've brought it all the way up, stairstep your way back down, with each few breaths; bringing it to the Third Eye, Throat, Heart, etc., all the way down. End with just breathing fully into the belly, then regularly. Slowly feel your body connecting to the floor, ground more and more fully into the Earth, then when you feel ready, slowly open your eyes, roll over and sit for awhile before getting up.

What you will notice is that after a number of times doing this that the center of your body feels really free. Many will begin to feel energy rising in different ways. You may start to get tinglies, shoots of energy, or oozie orgasms that make you shudder while little ripples of delight pass through your body. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

If you don't feel this stuff, just keep doing it. I know you will eventually feel something, perhaps ease and peace, clarity and inner ease.

Just doing the exercise this way is extremely beneficial in and of itself. It tunes you into the energy, opens pathways, increasing connection and presencing. It can also be used to directly influence sensual experience and orgasmic capacity.

After you've done this a few times and feel comfortable with it, you can start a basic modification to really spread the energy and get it moving. When you are ready for this next level, you can combine this with self pleasuring. As you bring yourself almost to the point of orgasm, then stop the stroking. Take a huge breath in through your nose, bringing the energy up through the Chakras. Many people bring the energy up to the heart, to assist the heart in opening. Some bring it to the Sixth. Just bring the energy up, hold it, pump the kegels as you do the pelvic tilt, diffusing that orgasmic energy all through your body. When you need to breath, slowly release the breath, imagining the energy flowing out the first chakra into Earth, taking all blockages you are holding on to and don't need with it. As the energy of orgasm lessens, begin self pleasuring again. Do this raising of the energy at least three times before you let the orgasm complete.

You may notice after awhile of doing this that your body gets very sensitive to energy movement. Because you have practiced this, you will be able to diffuse the energy easily, bringing Life through you and vitalizing your body for optimal health.

And don't forget to go visit my Tantra Sister, Greenwoman at her lovely blog Honestly Speaking for her Thursday's Tantra contribution. She makes life glow-y. I've also added a Tantr blogs section to my blogroll. If you have a Tantra blog and want to be on my blogroll, please let me know. And if anyone wants to also participate in Thursday's Tantra and be linked to, let us know that, too. Parties are always fun. Blessings!!

Art:

Chakras from here

Chakra Shield from here

Chakras Walk from here