More On Tantra And The Extreme Dark

I've been pondering controversial topics lately and I've been having a difficult time figuring out how to write about them.

One pondering got triggered during a visit to an old Tantra friend a few months ago.

First- some background on Esoteric Tantra:

Dissolution of the disconnected ego to unite with The All is one of the main goals of Tantra. The Tantrikas of old participated in ceremonies that contained forbidden elements in them: eating meat, drinking alcohol, sex, etc...some of them were necrophiliacs. Many of the greatest Teachers lived in cremation grounds. They abandoned families, and all "good" society to let go of the ego's attachment to attachment.

Tantrikas past and present challenge themselves to conquer their fears. What greater fear do we have than being an outcast, one of "the damned?" We are constantly molded and shaped to conform, some societies more than others. Tantrikas engage in taboo behavior to challenge our vision of the sacred and our place in it.

I believe Tantra to be the first Spiritual Path on this Earth. I say "believe" because I don't know it as a fact (and I have not, to date, read any book that would pass academic muster to prove my belief). I believe that those first humans were closer to Spirit than we, by virtue of the lack of technology and their dependence on the Earth and their intuition. I believe these people took this first Path and traveled around the world, resulting in this basic Path's variations. It became Wicca in Europe, Bonn in China and Tibet, Native American paths have the same symbols- spirals, hand prints, eye, bird, egg, etc.

Most of the Earth based traditions do not have a concept of the universe as "good" and "evil." Many of the traditions carry that into their code- that there really is no good and bad, just intent and isness. I know of Buddhists who were the most deadly assasins because they believed that when they killed without emotion, they incurred no karmic debt.

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I don't think I've met anyone who is as intent on her Spirit Path as my friend...not even me. Her whole life is devoted to spiritual travel to India's ashrams, meditation, self awareness...it's how she makes her living. She writes, talks, breathes Tantra constantly.

I hadn't seen her in a few years. One of the first things out of her mouth was telling me that what she thinks most about as the next step upon her path is to kill someone with her bare hands. Someone has given her permission to do it. She said she had been getting in touch with this primal thing about killing and being the agent for another's transition into spirit. She talked about what an incredibly sexy thing it was.

Do I need to say that this woman is the ultimate button pusher...unflinchingly honest about all of her deepest darkest places as well as her light? (Which, I might add, shines very brightly. All who come in contact with her are mezmerized by her giggly, sparkly, loving life force).

I admit to thinking she was kidding around at first. I admit to feeling a bit discombobulated when I figured out she was serious. All sorts of feelings came up....man that woman is a force!

I told her I would come visit her in jail.

She told me she appreciated that I still liked her even after she had told me she wanted to kill someone.

The weird thing is, after my surprise, I understood her when she got all excited and kind of pantomimed choking someone to death, talking about it being the ultimate act of love. It is...think about it...if we think that being spirit is so wonderful, what a gift it is to assist someone in that journey!

Then I flashed on the dangers of this line of thought because of its capacity for being misinterpreted and used as a tool for unconscious behavior. That in the hands of the unconscious, it could justify lots that would certainly upset me to hear about.

What an odd line. What an odd topic to consider.

But it stays with me.

Why?

Well...when I think of killing someone I go numb. I don't think I could do it, even in self defense. I don't know if I could do it even to protect my children, but if I was to do it, that's the only scenario I can envision. I have this past life memory and it freaked me completely until I integrated it.

Then a weird thing flashed in the other day. It had been nice out so we had the doors open. We weren't paying attention and a species of small flies (bigger than fruit flies, smaller than the usual kind) took over our kitchen. There were tons of the little suckers flying all over the place. I started a campaign to get rid

I was smooshing and thwacking them, spilling their little guts all over the place. It felt really good killing them. Truth is, the act of taking their little annoying lives was exhilarating when I allowed myself to feel it. I flashed on my friend and I wondered...is this the same thing?

Life is life. We humans have conveniently appointed ourselves to be the arbiters of the hierarchy of the value of life here on the planet. While I'm not ready to kill a human walking around (although I have had an abortion so have killed a human), I am more than comfortable continuing my fly genocide (flyocide?).

At the same time, intellectually I don't buy that one form of life is any more important than the other and see my hypocrisy.

Then I flashed on actors, specifically Angelina Jolie. I thought about acting and how to be a truly great actor, you embody what it is what you are doing. You live/be/do this act or archetype. And I thought...wow...she plays all these assasins. Does she (and other great actors like her) get to feel that feeling of exhilaration of killing in a "safe" way? Does this ability to acceptably embody that taboo enhance their psychic integration?

My knowing is that it's all sacred. All of it means all of it- the light, the dark...all of it. Mystic logic does not allow for arbitrary exclusions of "all" just because we humans feel discomfort and judgment around a particular topic. Doesn't it then follow that even killing is sacred and "not evil" if it's all simply a part of the Dance of Life? And that when we acknowledge those feeling impulses instead of demonizing them we become more whole? I wonder how many would be willing to allow themselves to feel this ultimate taboo as spiritual practice?

Yup...I wasn't lying when I said I've been pondering controversial topics.

Art:

Kali by Mary MacGregor-Reid

Gaia Sacrifice from here

Wheel of Life from here