Walking With My Inner Critic
About a month ago, I realized that for the past while, My Inner Critic has been running my show. I was not allowing it voice, pushing it down in my quest to focus only on being happy. There is a difference between allowing happiness and pushing down alarm signals. I hadn't noticed how much I had demonized My Inner Critic until a number of mirrors graced me with having to look/feel more deeply.
In my journey to re-befriend her (and mine's a "her), I remembered a book I had read years ago by Hal and Sidra Stone. It's called "Embracing The Inner Critic." They came up with this form of finding integration and wholeness through a process called Voice Dialogue. I've written about it briefly before here and other places, but I'm too lazy to find the other links.
I loved the work and it's been a mainstay. It was the first work I did to truly integrate my shadows and I continue to use it, always going back to it as one of my primary tools.
As all my books are in storage, I went to the library (Barnes and Noble) awhile back to brush up on their work.
This rang so true for me:
"Whenever someone is not in touch with his or her vulnerability in relationship to another person, one may expect a judgment, silent or spoken, as a way of dealing with the situation. Unconscious vulnerability is a very dangerous commodity for this reason."
and
"An attack of the Inner Critic is a cry for help."
Damn, ain't it the truth? How often do we need to fall into judgment (of ourselves or others) when we feel whole and happy? It doesn't even enter our minds. It's only when we feel vulnerable that we put up walls. It's much easier to then point outward and find reasons to separate ourselves rather than feel the pain of being vulnerable.
I've been trying to just be with the terror of my vulnerability these past few weeks. A few weeks ago, I was down. I've noticed that this week, I'm feeling it especially more so than usual, but I believe I must be burying it, pushing it away. At least that what I think is up as I've been craving wine every night. I've written about addiction here, here and here. I'm trying my best to hear what this craving is trying to tell me and to listen to The Critic so I can hear what she has to teach me. I do want to hear it. I'm trying.
Image from here
5 comments:
I really feel the collective unconscious, the archetypal shadow of the US, and the world for that matter, has taken center stage. This collective shadow seems to have invited/contacted, like metronomes synchronizing through some inexplicable communication, all of our shadows to come out and play.
a very silly example, Starbucks, our collective guru of gourmet coffee, has introduced INSTANT* coffee.....
if Starbucks and their fresh roasted preaching has a shadow, it's name is Instant..........
and that may be the lesson here, the thing derided and shunned may need to be brought center stage, and possibly venerated, at the very least, respectfully listened to.
the inner critic may be carrying the lifeboat, and the most important message of all.......
This is what a shift in consciousness looks like.
**********
any L.A. trips in the works?
my SF trip may not happen until aug.
Oooooh...Dakini...ooooooohhhh...we likey this.
No trips planned as of today...but with me, one never knows. It may, in fact, be influenced by Starbuck's coffee....as when my inside hookup gets me enough, I may take a trip down to pick it (and other stuff) up.
And...or...I may be moving back. This is the way shadow is showing up...
I'm going to be pondering this lots today. Thanks
a move back?
....very trippy times
hugs!
As long as we run after our thoughts, we are like a dog chasing a stick. Each time we throw the stick, he runs after it. If we look at the enlightened consciousness instead, the source of our thoughts, we will see that each thought arises and dissolces in the space of that consciousness, without engendering other thoughts. Then we will be like a lion, which does not chase after the stick, but turns to face the thrower. You can throw a stick at a lion only once.
~Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche
from~ Never Born,Never Ceasing
becoming conscious means becoming mindfull, watchful of our thoughts-24-7. checking in with ourselves and recognizing emmotional shifts -the goal is to consciously process our emotions BEFORE the inner critic has had a chance to taint our perception.
in reality what exactly is the inner critic? it is neurosis.
~toni
Well, thanks, Toni..that's surely one way of looking at it.
Thanks for stopping by!
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