Days 24-27 Integration

Life's been beautiful and busy.

Friday's session was powerful, again, but I took it easy. I'd been pushing it so much that week that I thought it would be a good time to just do the CD as it was and not rewind it at all to prolong the experience. Great heart and throat openings, but gentler than the beginning of the week's.

Then all of a sudden, life got really busy. I had Nona* duty as my grandson came to spend both weekend nights with me. It was fun. He is a delight. Saturday, I didn't find the time to breathe. We were running around too much. Sunday, I made time, but only did a short session. Mind was too much in Monkeyville, so I didn't fight it.

And I was marveling today on the amazing abilities of Mothers. How in the heck do we do it all? When I think back to when my kids were little, my today me wonders how I did all the inner growth work. I had three of the little folk, a business to run and was doing this breathwork at night when the kids were in bed. Geez.....makes me tired just thinking about it!

I started today feeling way more grounded than I did all last week. Last week was a haze of emotions and opening. Lovely. I'm so happy I had the opportunity to just flow with it all.

What pervades everything is the Path of Unconditional Love. Of finding peace in the middle of chaos. I continue to tune in, go deep. I had a few times over the weekend where I lost myself, but I regrouped and found peace. Life as meditation.

Today's session began with the prayer to open to whatever needed healing.

At first MonkeyMind was there...rewind, rewind the CD to try and stay internal. At one point I had such an awakening to an idea of love that I went to the computer and wrote it down before it went away. But then I went back to breathing. It was then that the fun began.

For whatever reason, I was moved to touch the top of my head. Ouch!! Tender. So I massaged it. Then, my hands wanted to move up and down with the rhythm of the breath. So I just let them go. I was sitting cross legged on a Zafu pillow. My hands were relaxed with palms up. My arms raised with every breath on the inhale then slapped down onto the inside right above the knee area. GAAAAAA....way tender.

Mind at that point wondered if they were associated with any meridians, if there was a connection to the top of the head and that point. When I just went to look it up, it appears it could be the gallbladder meridian. Whatever it is, it was beyond ouchie. My arms and hands just wanted to continue that movement...then they switched to fists with knuckles hitting the inside knee points. I think it alternated with occasional wanting to go back to the top of the head to rub there, too.

That energy died down, then I felt that opening sensation that occurs at different place around my body with this process. I felt it in heart, throat and hands but it was strongest in my back lumbar area, this time on both sides and emanating out. At this point, the music and breathing were fast, almost a pant. I kept it deep, way into the belly and focused on opening to bring the breath to my back. As the work felt really good, I rewound the fast part about four times.

When I slowed down a bit, the nausea showed up. I was excited in that this time I was sitting up, so not as deeply into trance and was able to just sit with it. Although it wasn't as strong a sensation as when I was lying down, it was strong enough to peek and make sure the bowl was closeby, just in case. I breathed with it, allowed it, felt the heat with the allowing. More openness and expansion in the heart. I really think this is about the heart chakra opening. We'll see.

What I liked about this was that the nausea came when I was still very aware and not that deep. I forgot to mention that at one point my hands were drawn to the lumbar region, too..deep massage while breathing..then did a belly dance sort of gyration in all sorts of directions, during which all sorts of tinglies went up my spine and I felt pops and snappies of release in my brain and cervical vertebrae.

I think the nausea could only appear when I was really deep before and my concious mind wasn't in the way. I'm excited it appeared when I wasn't that deep and I was feeling all that energy flowing out the back. It says to me that things are moving quite nicely. I don't think I've ever mentioned here that while I don't usually experience nausea, the last few times I smoked pot I got ill. The last time, in 1987, I was sick for about three days, with lots of vomiting the first day. I also vomited lots in labor. And with each time, my cervix would open more, then after giving birth I had huge kriyas that lasted a long time. I feel like old blocks are now slowly, consciously opening.


* I'm not aging happily and hate what I call "the G word." I'm Nona..the Italian word for the G word