Samhain

One of the Great Sabbats and another of the Fire Festivals, Samhain (pronounced "sow-in") is a celebration of when The Veil Between The Worlds is the thinnest. It's also considered to be the Pagan New Year (not by all, but many traditions).

In the US, we call it "All Hallow's Eve" or Hallowe'en the night before the Catholic holiday of All Soul's Day, celebrated on November 1. The early Christian church, in order to lure people away from the Old Ways, would celebrate and/overlay a holiday of their own to coincide with all of the ancient pagan festivals. All Soul's Day, or All Saint's Day, is a celebration of all the souls of the dead and departed Saints. It's also celebrated in Mexico as The Day of the Dead.

Old Pagan traditions continue to influence the holiday. Why all the ghosts, monsters, goblins and tricksters? Because, as stated above, this is the time when the Veil is the thinnest and our ability to contact the dead most opportune.

Scrying (fortune telling) and seances are are popular at this holiday. People talk to the dead, not in fear, but for guidance and inspiration. As it was a time when the veil was thinnest, some folk thought that we could pass over more easily, too. Feasts for the ancestors and other dead are common, with sweets being the enticers to lure them out. Put extra chairs at the dinner table and honor those who have passed at your meal, bringing each alive, again, with the magic of stories, laughter and love. It's easy to have an altar with pictures of all you loved and who have crossed over.

Samhain is also the third, and last, harvest celebration. Apples, squash, nuts abound. Have a glass of cider (hard cider for the parents, indeed!!!), bob for apples, eat candied apples. Apples are a symbol of the goddess in all her fertility, abundance and power (Eve knew that one). In ancient Greece, it was a symbol of resurrection and immortality. Cut one in half and look at the star that the seeds form.

This celebration also honors and recognizes that it is now time for winter. We go out in nature, enjoying our last days of warmth before the cold and dark that ultimately leads to the Winter Solstice.

Finally, it's a time to remember that we will all die some day. It's an opportunity do acceptance ritual around that and revel in the Life right before us and around us.

And with that in mind...I offer my favorite song by Loreena McKennitt. It's called "All Souls Night." I was introduced to it years ago and used to dance all around my house with it in honor of Life and living. I thought to shart the YouTube offering that has a montage of pictures from Ireland.

Art

Spirits by David Harrison

Squash Harvest from here

I Really Thought....

...that I'd be posting more, after the 30 day journey. Really had intended to start covering other topics that interest me. But life got busy and then I had a new thing come up in sessions that made me go internal to writing here in public.

The image of it that came to me today was about watching our children grow. Parents who really watch their children will notice that their kid is kinda just moving along in life....they're happy, healthy, smiling, cuddly. Then all of a sudden they go through this period where they become like little demons. They cry lots, are very impatient, are clingy. Maybe they revert to younger behavior. Like maybe all of a sudden they want to nurse when they've been weaned. Or they start wetting the bed again. Or all sorts of things that build in a crescendo, until one day, just about when they're ready to call an exorcist, the angel they knew suddenly reappears. But now they are starting to talk in full sentences or reading or walking instead of crawling.

In watching myself and my kids grow, I think we continue to do this. We kinda go into a chaos state right before shiftings or a new level of learning. Just as with our kids when they are needing to cling when they feel something big coming but don't know what it is, I think it really important to be gentle with ourselves. It's all about The Gentles.

______________________________

Last Wednesday, I did Tantric stuff along with the breathing. At one point, my body felt the urge to do some esoteric pranayamas intersperse with both self pleasuring and tapping my forehead/third eye area.

This continued until I started to feel a wave of intense heat flow up my body and radiate out my shoulders, neck and head. Then began the pulsing of the most intense headache I've ever had. Throbbing, pounding, vise grip, possible aneurysm pain that wouldn't go away. I kept trying to open the seventh and sixth by envisioning energy flowing out both. The pain kinda moved back and forth between the two points, and perhaps maybe some of it was flowing out, but MAN...that sensation in my head!!!! The lid, so to speak, would not let the energy out.

Later that night, I had the same experience...as well as the next few times I've orgasmed. The headaches are the most violent I've ever had. They come on fast and strong (although the last one I felt subtly before the explosion). They eventually go away, but it's a gradual process. The heat is intense (and I've gotten a chuckle or four on how accurate the sexual term "Hot" is).

On Thursday, I noticed that when I tune in to my body, there is a nice constant stronger level energy hum....like a very low level orgasm....going on all the time. When I continue to tune in and focus on the energy, increasing its intensity with my conscious intent, the headache starts to ever so subtly appear.

I'm remembering all the ways that we can shut down life force in our bodies. I'm getting kind of interested and intrigued about the possibilities. I don't think I want to go back to full body orgasms all the time, but the hum sure is fun.

Since then, I've backed way off doing the really prolonged intense sessions. I'm just going through the CD as is, and letting the energy work its magic slowly, instead of pushing myself through whatever is going on.

_____________________________________

In the outside world...???...

I'm coming to realizations of fears of some of the decisions I am facing. Although I am recognizing old patterns, I'm trying to do them in a different way now than I did years ago. And..I think I'm succeeding, smiles.

Eskimo Nebula from here

Days 28-30 And Beyond

Although I've not been writing, I have been doing my breathwork sessions. Days 28-30..and the days since have all been kind of progressions of a theme.

There has been lots coming up around surrendering. Surrendering to not really knowing what's going on...yet trusting and feeling lots going on. I continue to open, continue to feel, continue to experience the energy moving through my body in different places. It all feels like there is healing going on, slowly, yet surely, as my body accomodates more and more Life Force.

These last few days, there was a pattern of taking awhile to get into the intense, fast paced tempo of the cathartic, circular, fast breathing. I found myself rewinding back over and over from minute 21 or so to minute 15 and getting then keeping that intensity going.

One thing I'm finding interesting is that I'm starting to experience that numbeing, tetany in my fingers after I've been breathing for a long while now. It feels like the breath has cleared lots on one level and that now I'm accessing another- one that's possible scarier so my hands are holding.

The pattern the past few days has been that after a number of rewinds of the CD, all of a sudden my upper chest/heart area starts to generate tons of heat, along with prickles. Then the breathing starts to really breathe me. Huge inhales are followed by long slow exhales, where I feel everything flowing out of me and don't want to stop. I feel lots of energy flowing out my feet, knees, all the chakra areas from throat down. It kinda pulses, but mostly is just a steady flow that feels like there is a hole in the area where something is pouring out.

The nausea comes now with the deep breathing and doesn't wait for the rest period. I allow it. Today it had progressed from feeling like it was in my belly to definitely being in the throat area...first in the lower throat, then more towards the area closest to my skull..then into the inner ear/temporal area. As it moves, the area it inhabited before is left feeling free. So in other words, when it shifts from my abdomen to my chest/heart area then up..I feel no stomach nausea. Not sure if this makes sense, but it's the best I can to to describe the physical feelings.

Day29, the energy was really intense and it felt like if I wasn't able to totally relax in the middle of the intense feelings, that my hands would have been experiencing pain and tetany. My arms went up perpendicular to the floor, outstretched to the sides and didn't want to come down. It was weird. On all days, when my hands have started to go become numb, with more breath, they relax and just allow the energy to flow, instead of being all curled up in pain. There is also lots of enery in my backm which I'm very thankful for after decades of being numb. Plus, there is the beginning sensation of the tightening of my throat, which used to happen all the time when I used to do this years ago. But this time I slow it down, knowing that each time I touch there, healing occurs. I don't need to push because I'll be back tomorrow and can let the energy flow a bit more to allow the healing slowly, without trauma (I used to choke and stop breathing from chest pressure and my throat feeling like it was closing).

I've decided to continue this journey. I won't be journaling about it as much as I have been. I'll probably only be updating about it from time to time, maybe with big breakthroughs. But I keep hearing "A Year Of Breathing" in my head. So we'll see where this goes.

My assessment of this 30 days?

I feel more alive. It's not an effort to do this at all. I crave it, and get almost frustrated when my life (which has been busy with family matters) puts it off until the end of the day. I feel that if I start to fall "off the path" during the day, and start to feel disconnected, all I have to do is breathe and I'm back to feeling loving and OK.

I feel very vulnerable. Some days, such as today, I'm weepy. I'm feeling more energy from those around me, am much more sensitive to their moods and overall energy output...like..are they primarily a happy person? Frustrated? Angry? I feel their energy literally cut through me and I have to breathe to not feel overwhelmed. I figure that with time, I'll be able to maintain my openness and not be influenced as much by those around me.

In the meantime...

I feel lighter, more at peace than before I started. I walk with my meditation more and more as a constant reminder of Life. I'm clear that I am beyond blessed. I've come to some difficult decisions that might not be easy in the implementations, but which feel good in my body. I keep getting images of

1) selling all my "stuff" and entering a buddhist temple or going to my cave.

2) selling all my "stuff," moving to LA to live with my daughter and starting anew

I'm noticing that the constant there is selling all my stuff. So, I guess, a garage sale might be happening soonly here, smiles.

Surrendering....I'm learning what this means. Still have more to learn.

The journey continues.

Days 24-27 Integration

Life's been beautiful and busy.

Friday's session was powerful, again, but I took it easy. I'd been pushing it so much that week that I thought it would be a good time to just do the CD as it was and not rewind it at all to prolong the experience. Great heart and throat openings, but gentler than the beginning of the week's.

Then all of a sudden, life got really busy. I had Nona* duty as my grandson came to spend both weekend nights with me. It was fun. He is a delight. Saturday, I didn't find the time to breathe. We were running around too much. Sunday, I made time, but only did a short session. Mind was too much in Monkeyville, so I didn't fight it.

And I was marveling today on the amazing abilities of Mothers. How in the heck do we do it all? When I think back to when my kids were little, my today me wonders how I did all the inner growth work. I had three of the little folk, a business to run and was doing this breathwork at night when the kids were in bed. Geez.....makes me tired just thinking about it!

I started today feeling way more grounded than I did all last week. Last week was a haze of emotions and opening. Lovely. I'm so happy I had the opportunity to just flow with it all.

What pervades everything is the Path of Unconditional Love. Of finding peace in the middle of chaos. I continue to tune in, go deep. I had a few times over the weekend where I lost myself, but I regrouped and found peace. Life as meditation.

Today's session began with the prayer to open to whatever needed healing.

At first MonkeyMind was there...rewind, rewind the CD to try and stay internal. At one point I had such an awakening to an idea of love that I went to the computer and wrote it down before it went away. But then I went back to breathing. It was then that the fun began.

For whatever reason, I was moved to touch the top of my head. Ouch!! Tender. So I massaged it. Then, my hands wanted to move up and down with the rhythm of the breath. So I just let them go. I was sitting cross legged on a Zafu pillow. My hands were relaxed with palms up. My arms raised with every breath on the inhale then slapped down onto the inside right above the knee area. GAAAAAA....way tender.

Mind at that point wondered if they were associated with any meridians, if there was a connection to the top of the head and that point. When I just went to look it up, it appears it could be the gallbladder meridian. Whatever it is, it was beyond ouchie. My arms and hands just wanted to continue that movement...then they switched to fists with knuckles hitting the inside knee points. I think it alternated with occasional wanting to go back to the top of the head to rub there, too.

That energy died down, then I felt that opening sensation that occurs at different place around my body with this process. I felt it in heart, throat and hands but it was strongest in my back lumbar area, this time on both sides and emanating out. At this point, the music and breathing were fast, almost a pant. I kept it deep, way into the belly and focused on opening to bring the breath to my back. As the work felt really good, I rewound the fast part about four times.

When I slowed down a bit, the nausea showed up. I was excited in that this time I was sitting up, so not as deeply into trance and was able to just sit with it. Although it wasn't as strong a sensation as when I was lying down, it was strong enough to peek and make sure the bowl was closeby, just in case. I breathed with it, allowed it, felt the heat with the allowing. More openness and expansion in the heart. I really think this is about the heart chakra opening. We'll see.

What I liked about this was that the nausea came when I was still very aware and not that deep. I forgot to mention that at one point my hands were drawn to the lumbar region, too..deep massage while breathing..then did a belly dance sort of gyration in all sorts of directions, during which all sorts of tinglies went up my spine and I felt pops and snappies of release in my brain and cervical vertebrae.

I think the nausea could only appear when I was really deep before and my concious mind wasn't in the way. I'm excited it appeared when I wasn't that deep and I was feeling all that energy flowing out the back. It says to me that things are moving quite nicely. I don't think I've ever mentioned here that while I don't usually experience nausea, the last few times I smoked pot I got ill. The last time, in 1987, I was sick for about three days, with lots of vomiting the first day. I also vomited lots in labor. And with each time, my cervix would open more, then after giving birth I had huge kriyas that lasted a long time. I feel like old blocks are now slowly, consciously opening.


* I'm not aging happily and hate what I call "the G word." I'm Nona..the Italian word for the G word

Day 23

Most every time I've asked for spiritual learnings and opportunities, the universe provides almost instantaneously. In this case, I've asked to open my heart more and find places of unconditional love.,

It's easy to feel unconditional love when it's not challenged. Love and peace can flow effortlessly when all is going exactly as I want it, happies are staring me in the face everywhere I look. But then, that's about being conditional...things on the outside have to look good for me to feel good on the inside. It's when things on the outside aren't that way and I'm still able to maintain that feeling of peace and love that I've truly reached the level trust and inner peace that I want.

With my open heart flowing I pushed "publish" on my last post. I then went to see if there were any new comments. There was one.

It was from an artist from one of the images I had used. I don't write the artists before publishing images, but I always give credit to them, figuring if they don't want me to use their art, they will let me know. Until now the feedback has been very positive and sweet. This one informed me that I had used the image without permission, that she found the content objectional and that she didn't want her image to be associated with it.

I found it really interesting that it was from my post called "Secrets," in which I had taken made myself fully vulnerable. I took a leap of strength, openness and truth telling about myself, disclosing my past on here when I knew it was something that I could be judged for.

I reflexively went into protecting my heart mode. Nothing huge here and I had to laugh at the hilariously amazing perfection of the universe bringing me exactly what I wanted. I asked to consciously work on keeping my heart then instantaneously get judged for a post where I had tweaks about being judged!! The universe is such an amazing place to inhabit!!

I thought to write her. I decided, instead to just sit and feel and send her love. Stuff came up again later in that night, but I continued to send her love. I want my heart to open and remaind open.

Then yesterday was "one of those days," where it seemed the message was...sit...be...don't try to do anything because it ain't gonna work.

Plans got cancelled, my computer connection would not work. I got to feel abandoned in a few places. It was also "one of those days" for many important people in my life...all who turned to me to lean on and recieve support....a pattern in my life....and one which I am grateful to have because I love these people and am happy they love me enough to ask for support. But, if I'm not feeling whole, I can also go into a victim "I am never supported" mode. It was pretty cool to see how I was being provided with tons of opportunities to decide to either keep my heart open or shut it down in distrust, frustration, protection or fear.

So..Pamm...can you stay with an open loving heart in the midst of all these cool opportinities you being provided with? Or will you decide to shut down in distrust, frustration, protection or fear? Can you do this day in another way????

I did. I stayed open all day. At the end of the day, when I got another whammy, I got kinda off kilter, but all in all I was pretty excited about staying present, breathing and keeping my heart open.

Because it was such an interesting day, I didn't have time to do the breathing until about 10pm. Generally I do it by early afternoon. I decided it was a perfect time as I could just go to sleep after and let the energy continue to flow.

My intention/request for this session was for it to address the shame stuff I've been experiencing...and to continue to open the heart even more.

I noticed that with all this breathing these days, it's almost like the residuals of the session before carry over and the level of energy doesn't abate as much. It starts to get intense with just a few breaths now if I focus on it. My mind did wander a few times during the early partof the session and I wouldn't feel the energy moving. But when I would tune in again, then it would increase. The scientist in me decided that this shows that it's not only about the breathing, the chemical reactions of the O2 and CO2...intent and attention are a huge piece of this process.

I breathed for a long time....kept rewinding the CD as my body wasn't feeling any blocks at all. Finally, when the breath started at the panting stage, I was doing really deep strong panting and I started to feel firey sensations in my upper chest/thymus area and throat. It was getting stronger but the music started to slow down and I didn't feel ready to slow down...so I rewound it three times. The breath was really starting to open up into my throat...felt a fluid acculation thing I'd felt when I was doing this years ago and wondered if I would go into choke mode. But I didn't...was able to stay with the breath and let it all flow. I started to feel pressure in the back of my head....then went to rewind the CD again and mistakenly pushed the off button instead...dagnabbit!!

Then forward winding to the place I had been at got me out of that "special" moment and it didn't return. I decided to just slow it down and go with the after intensity tinglies and openings.

Still the nausea. Still the inability to just let that first hurl sensation to flow...but, again, did have presence of mind to let the second and subsequent waves be.

The thing about this time that's different is that I had low level nausea continue during the rest of and after the session. I felt some this morning.

About eight months ago, I had an intuitive hit that something may be up with my liver. I've been slowly getting my body ready over the two months to do a liver cleanse. I'll hopefully be ready for it in about a week or so. We'll see if things clear up after it.

And I'm thinking that instead of pushing things, I may do a gentle session today. We'll see what feels right in the moment.

Images:

top opening image from here

heart image from here

Day 22

Jiminy Biminies.

One would think that after...um...almost 30 years of inner growth and spiritual work I would remember a thing or two. But it's so easy to forget the realizations we have and the applications of it...then to actually use what we know.

Why is it that I can remind myself about certain things in concept, I can remember them for others when coaching, but when it comes to my own stuff I forget things?

When will I remember that the places of my greatest fears and pain are the places of my greatest power and healing?

I crack myself up.

It's now Wednesday. I've been in an emotional "something" since about Friday. I've been feeling, allowing stuff to bubble up and integrate, along with stirring and opening. It's been an amazing journey, indeed.

Today's session was about realizations of unconditional love and how I have been unable to be that. On all sorts of levels. The stuff's been dancing around in different areas, playing on the edges of my consciousness, but today it all kinda gelled together in a flash of insight.

I love it when the pieces just all fall into place at once without me pondering my way through it logically. There it is...all at once...understandings of a place where I hold myself back from Spirit. The impact of it manifested itself in all sorts of areas of my life that flashed before my inner eyes and showed me how I have been playing my fears out in my world.

My heart. I've been guarding my heart for years. When I was a Courtesan, I could not do it the Escort way because of my need to guard my heart. I guard my heart in relationships of all sorts and kinds.

My heart wants to open.

Ever since I was....wayverysmall, I've been spiritually driven. By the time I was a teen I was obsessed with my Spiritual Path. The obsession turned into a buring desire for enlightenment. The way there has taken many forms and I'm still a long way off, but I have gotten more open, centered, peaceful and happy overall. Way.

I've always said (and have heard it from others now over the years) that how I do sex is how I do relationship is how I do community is how I do the world is how I do God.

Today, I got (again?) that the ways I hold onto and protect my heart in relationship and my old line of work are the very things that keep me from that Union with the Beloved that I seek. That the pain of a broken or fear-filled heart, when experienced and allowed to transmute, opens my heart in ways that I have never been able to experience through the mind talking to itself about what it wants.

The universe is a very interesting place, indeed. I find it so cool that things in my life synchronistically appeared to give rise to huge emotional stuff for me. I got to feel them all, sift and sort, do this breathing around them, and now, today, I feel this internal shift.

I wrote the other day about how I was feeling judgemental and cranky about people and myself..and how I didn't like it. That's gone. Every time I looked at someone today I saw a Spirit on a journey and appreciated them. I'm spontaneously going to that place of compassion where I used to live. I look deeper than to what's presented. I am less impatient with one area of my life that has been a major contributor to my "decline" this past cycle..and I am OK with it in ways I've never been. Detached, watching, not knowing if I want to continue much longer, but no longer angry and distrusting. It just is what it is.

I wrote about little awarenesses that had come over the weeks. I've had other things in my life that have been triggering heart issues. Everything came together today for me as I breathed, crying with Thanks over the gifts all this (what Abraham would call) "contrast" has been.

I got again today that everything that I label as pain or have fear about in relationship is an opportunity to open my heart more, in surrender and unconditional love.

Shoot, I love the universe.

And physically? As these realizations flashed in during the fast paced breathing part of the session, opening me to more while just being present, I had tears of joy streaming down my face. Strong energy flowing in the heart and hands.

I made the connection that the big stuff, however, doesn't come with the intense breathing. It's when I slow down at the end and really tune into the subtle nuances of the energetic flow throughout my body when the big stuff seems to happen. It's like the fast breathing is the spark that gets things flushed, then stuff is integrated and moves through with the stillness.

I had the bowl again in case of the hurl feeling. Yes, it came again....right at the edge of very deep hover trance. Again, my instinct to push it down won over my desire to stay present and go deeper with it. But I was able to catch it on the second wave of nausea and breathe it through. Again, as it fizzled with the breath, the energy moved up and opened my heart even more.

I'm excited to have reached an opening here. I'm excited about finding more. I'm excited about learning and being open to what else is in store...I have no idea where this will go. And I'm excited that my sacro-iliac joint feels freer than it has in over a year....maybe two.

Golly, I love the universe.

Art

Fourth Chakra Dancer by Bonnie Herman Zachary

Day 21

Today's session ended with a very long pee. I forgot to mention that every time I have a particularly good session, I always have to pee after. Yes...these sessions are that releasing on all sorts of levels as the body lets go.

I had another interesting thing happen in that usually I don't answer the phone when I'm breathing, but my daughter called and I knew it was important so I answered it. What was interesting to me about it was that when I put the headphones back on, I went dizzy/disoriented and it took awhile to correct. It felt like the music was influencing my brain waves. Never had that happen before. Trippy stuff.

Although I had the bowl, ready to vomit, I, again, spontaneously caught my breath when the sensation came up. This time, however, I was able to catch it after the first impulse and just feel/breathe it through....not fighting the sensation, just allowing it all and breathing into it more.

It feels really cool the way my body is responding energetically. The more I allowed the nausea, the more the breath played with it, the more I felt energy pouring out my heart. I also felt, for the first time, energy pouring out my back in the upper part of the lumbar area where it's frozen. I'm liking how I'm not getting excited when that stuff happens...just continue breathing, focusing and feeling, not letting mind get in the way, not pushing, just being with all of it.

After awhile, the energy also went down my legs and eventually, for the first time ever, I felt it pouring out my yoni. At first it felt like my uterus was contracting...or expanding?...not sure...not cramping or painful, just lots of pressure there, feeling very big. Then with a number more breaths, the energy slowly moved so that my yoni felt really really full...stretched tight. When I was able to relax into it, the energy sensation pouring out was incredible. My hands were throbbing (but not in a bad way) with so much life force coming out.

Before that, I got in touch with a deep longing for The Beloved and cried lots...had all sorts of realizations about life situations. Not sure what they all mean but it was great to feel them. It felt especially yummy top just sob. Really was a no brainer that I could cry this session, because I've felt weepy and emotional all day. I didn't disappoint myself. They showed up pretty quickly and got more intense as the session went on.

One thing I remember is this flash on when I was overweight. As I lost the weight, I would notice at plateau stages that old issues would come up. I wouldn't realize it for awhile, but then would go..geez..why is this bothering me now..haven't though of it for ages. As I healed the issuem (primarily doing this same work), the weight would melt off.

In my 3D life, I'm a confident person. But when I was younger (teens to 20's) I had huge shame issues. Earlier in this session I felt shame overwhelm me. All sorts of stuff has been going on in my life these past two weeks that has brought feelings of shame for me. In fact, I've been really good at creating all sorts of situations to bring it up. It all culminating with meeting up with my sister this past weekend so being reminded of old family issues. We are all very good at shame...which....lest I forget....also goes hand in hand with judgment of others, too. I've been wrestling with unusual-for-me internal dialogue lately, Judge has been running like it hasn't run for...sheesh....20 something years??? I'm highly critical of both myself and others right now...not like me. At. All. It does not make me happy.

I "got" that this may be like the weight issue thingie....like maybe this is surfacing now as I open loving life force is infusing my body more...like the last vestiges that were/are buried in my hip and frozen back are healing so all that is flushing itself out. The crying wasn't only about craving for Union, and also on a more practical level of the fear of having to make some decisions that may not be easy. But then again...this is precisely why I'm doing all this.

When does one pull the plug on important stuff? When is enough enough?...when all resources are exhausted? Or...does one cut one's losses and try to regroup with half a heart? And what to do when neither one feels "right?"

I guess my answer would be that I breathe. Kinda feels like all I want to do right now, smiles. Help!

Image is from here and is what I feel like during and after a session. I wish I could see energy. I can only feel it.

Days 18-20

I'm utterly fascinated by this nausea thing that happened last week. I had it again, twice today.

It happens when I'm in deep body trance....right on the edge of almost asleep but hovering while still breathing strongly. Then I bolt up with strong feelings of being right on the verge of vomiting. As I'm so deep, my body reaction is to sit up and make sure I don't vomit on the carpet. And then I get frustrated because I don't want to stop the flow of energy, either. Tomorrow, I'll bring a bowl so I hopefully don't slow it down again but just let the impluse flow to see what's there (if it shows up).

Even though I stopped myself, when I laid back down, I breathed into it and felt more energy moving. After focusing on opening and bringing life to the Belly, I noticed that there was lots of energy flowing from my heart. It stayed strong for a couple of hours.

The last two days I was traveling so did breathe but only for short periods, just to the point of happy bliss feelings.

My mind wants to "explain" the nausea. I almost started to go there while breathing..trying to let my mind clear and "give me messages." What I got was to just feel, not interpret.

I had come into the session with the prayer to open and heal that area of my back that feels frozen. At one poing my hands were, again drawn to the right Sacro-iliac joint so I put my hand under and rolled around on the fist to push on the pressure points. After awhile, it felt much freer, but it was after that when the nausea showed up.

So curious.