Thoughts On Depression
Through a blogger friend, I learned that another blogger I wasn't familiar with had committed suicide on Christmas Eve. Other bloggers I sometimes read have been talking about suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Or if not that extreme, they talk about depression. I think one even mentioned that about 50% of the bloggers she reads are on some type of anti-depressant medication.
Emotions are always moving, cycling through me. They flutter and can run the gamut in the course of a day. Sometimes I get on a jag that lasts awhile. Today, I'm coming off a few days of tension. A few weeks ago I was really sad. I could even say I was possibly depressed. When things on the outside don't look good, I can lose myself if I'm "off."
When I tuned into my "Observer" Voice, I realized that on some levels it feels kinda oddly good to feel so emotionally devastated and just be with it. To lie in bed all day long with the covers pulled up over my head, crying, staring at the wall. To kinda just allow all of it instead of pretending things were anything other than what they were in that moment.
I'm pondering depression and suicide. I'm fascinated.
What happens? How do people go from being sad to deciding to kill themselves?
I have an opinion/theory that we simply get caught in a loop. That we have a thought that triggers emotions which then trigger thoughts about the emotions which trigger more emotions about the thoughts which then lead on and on and on...stories upon stories and our reactions to them...ultimately to chemical imbalances, organs stressed and then the cycles and loops get even stronger, longer and ingrained.
But I don't know.
I do know that when I get in my funks it takes work to get out of them. I have to be really focused, aware and conscious to catch myself and start to remember that Blessings are the way of the universe. It takes time (sometimes days) to have those those thoughts become the primary vision I have of the world.
And I know about this stuff and have practiced it for years, don't have too many funks (although these days there are more than there have been in other cycles of my life..I'm being given opportunity to learn more in that arena :) ). I imagine/have a theory that those who don't have tools or practice would have a very difficult time coming out of the cycling loops of pain.
But I can't know.
I wish them well, I wish them peace, whatever that means to them.
image from here Wow...powerful one, yes?
