Today's Note From The Universe

"Do you know what today is, Pamm?

Besides Friday. It's February 29, 2008. Ah-ha!

Do you know what today means, in spiritual, numerical terms? Me neither.

But I know this, your thoughts become things every single day, no matter what the occasion, no matter where the energy vortices lie, no matter when the equinox starts, no matter what the economy is doing, no matter who is in office, no matter what you want, no matter when you want it, no matter what, no matter what, no matter what. Any other thinking just gives your power away.

Love you by leaps and bounds, The Universe"

You can get these notes to start your day feeling happy here.

The Cheezy Chronicles: Family

I haven't been writing here much because family and processing family are taking lots of time and psychic energy. In a good way. My daughter, Starla, is due on Feb. 3 to have her second child at home (mine). She and her son have been living with me since last week. It's been many a year since the pitter patter of little feet has graced my home for this long a period of time.

February is a month that brings up lots of family feelings for me. My mother's birthday was Feb. 1st. My father died on February 12, 1987. My mom died two years later. With my daughter being here, and the new baby here soon, my thoughts turn to family more and more as the days roll by. My parents are with me.

Both of them were in their mid 50's when they died. My mother was only 55. I am 51. It's weird to be approaching the ages they were when they passed. I'm thinking and feeling these days about the families we create.

I feel so blessed with my children, as I've said before. I feel blessed that they have chosen to have me in their lives in such an ongoing and active way. I wonder, in these pondering times, why it was that I felt such a need to get so far away and as quickly as I could from my family of origin. At age 18 I moved three hours away to go to school. At age, 20 I ran across the country to escape....what? I don't really know now, but it sure seemed important at the time.

But in leaving, I isolated myself from that support system that "family" is. My mother and I talked on the phone once a week or so. If I was lucky, I saw her once a year. But my father? We probably talked once every other month with visits being every three years or so (if that). I haven't talked to my brother in over 10 years (he's angry with me) ...and that was only at our grandmother's funeral. Although we are close, I hardly ever speak to my sister. My family of origin was not tight knit.

So I know both ends of the tribal thing. I give thanks for all that families are. We are messed up all in our own unique and lovely ways. We get hurt, angry, frustrated with each other to the point that sometimes we don't want to have anything to do with one another for awhile. We take our stuff out on each other more than anywhere else. And we have laughter, that place of safety and solace, where people know all of us in ways that are difficult to replicate outside that bond. I LOOVEEEE the drama, the rebuilding the opportunity to learn from each other (when we least expect it....often when we least want it.). Love is a powerful bond. Although not every case, blood creates a something "more" that runs deep.

I used to envy other cultures with their strong bonds of family. When I would hear people complain about having to attend family gatherings or whine about their parents, I would look at them and think they were so lucky to have something to whine about. I love that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," for all its dysfunctional glory. These are gifts and part of what I call "the suchness of life" that's so sweet. We are Blessed!

Art:

Family Reunion In A Vase, by Kazuya Akimoto from here.

"Show Me"

A couple of days ago, I turned on the TV which was set to VH1 (I have a 20 year old living here so it's on lots when the TV is first turned on). The music video to this song was playing.



I couldn't embed the actual music video as it was barred on YouTube. You can see that here, if you like.

My 20 year old thinks it's a love song to another human. If you decide to go there, what you'll see is that the song is intended as a prayer. It's dedicated to two children who died trying to stow away on a plane to escape life in the streets in Guinea. I'm continually struck by how we use the same words and pleas in our Prayers that we use for Romantic Love.

The lyrics:

"Show Me"

I realized as I lay down to sleep

We haven't spoke in weeks

So many things that I'd like to know

Come have a talk with me

I need a sign, something I can see

Why all the mystery?

I try not to fall for make believe

But what is reality?

Where do we go?

What do we know?

Life has to have a meaning

Show me the light

Show me the way

Show that you're listening

Show me that you love me

Show me that you walk with me

Hopefully, just above me

Heaven's watching over me

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you

For all you've given me

Sometimes the price of what you gave to me

I can't stop questioning

O God of love, peace, and mercy

Why so much suffering?

I pray for the world, it gets worse to me

Wonder if you're listening

When people go

Why do they go?

Why don't you choose me?

But someday I know

I'm gonna go

I hope you're waiting for me

Show me that you love me

Show me that you walk with me

Hopefully, just above me

Heaven's watching over me

Maybe we'll talk

Some other night

Right now

I'll take it easy

Won't spent my time

Waiting to die

Enjoy the life I'm living

Show me that you love me

Show me that you walk with me

Hopefully, just above me

Heaven's watching over me

To find out more about John Legend's "Show Me" Campaign, please visit here.

The Cheezy Chronicles- Our Brains

I live in Northern California, which just experienced a storm that left about 80% of my town without electricity for at least 24 hours. For about 40% of the town it was 72 hours before they were back in business.

As I sat at one of only two public places in town that had power and Wifi, watching people come in with their cell phones and chargers, I was reminded how much we depend on electricity for our lives.

Some argue way too much dependence. Perhaps...but I'm not going to argue that here. Rather, I'm just interested here in giving thanks for electricity, and the Human Brain that thought to harvest this energy then create things to use it.

I have a couple of friends who are scientists and have known a number of engineers. They blow me away.

How do their brains work that way? How is it that they take information about how molecules work, then sift and sort, put it together in new ways and create a cell phone? My heavens...a phone that requires only waves to work...and that can be used all over the world. We have planes that fly us across oceans, to Europe in less than a day. Computers...I am totally blow away by email. I write something out, I click...the words/sentences go, in pieces and parts, along cables which end up in another person's computer..sometimes on the other side of the world. Their computer puts all that information back together from it's send mode of pieces and parts, so they receive the note exactly as I sent it. Often in seconds. I truly see this as a miracle, yet so common we don't even think about it.

Or TV....how is it that an image in Chicago can be taped on a camera, go across wires in the form of a bunch of dots, then end up in the same confiruration on a small screen on my TV in California..and it happens almost instantaneously.

We can look inside bodies, giving doctors an opportunity to see our organs in 3D. We have microscopes that can see cells, for heavens' sake! I just read an article yesterday that they've now discovered that small neurons can and do heal themselves when injured, making recovery after paralysis something that seems much more doable now.

How do we do all that stuff? The human mind fascinates me, astounds me, puts me in awe.

We are Blessed!

image from here

The Cheezy Chronicles: My Loves

A few days ago I was pondering about love (as I often do). I considered how blessed I am to have people I love and who love me back.

Most people yearn for a soul mate. Generally this is defined as an adult partner to walk through life with. We call them the Loves Of Our Lives, our One and Only. There is a mystical, magical feeling associated with this. It's a comfort and exciting to envision that union.

I'm not sure I will ever again find that ecstatic union of feeling like I'm with a "soul mate," in the way described above. I may/I may not find that partner to walk hand in hand with.

But I do know I've been beyond Blessed with my Ones and Onlies. I have three of them. They are my three daughters.

I adore them. They are my life. I would give my life in a nanosecond for them and am fierce in that love for them. Each is entirely different than the other. Each touches me in ways that make me cry. I am Blessed.

I've heard it said that little girls dream of their future marriage: what the dress will be like, who it will be,where, etc. I don't remember ever doing that. My day dreams when I was younger were about kids.
I used to fantasize that I ran an orphanage. It was in a castle in Scotland by the beach. We used to run on the beach, a line of kids and I, with scarves, dancing on the sand. I remember daydreaming about this in Jr. High. I don't remember there ever being a man in this scenario. It was just me and them.

Do the things we daydream about as a child find their ways into our lives? Are they hints of who we are at our core? Haven't a clue. But I've been remembering those daydreams these past few weeks, finding it interesting that when I think of my everlasting loves, it isn't one man that pops into my mind. It's my gals.

They are all around me now that it's the Christmas season. Tussles and sibling struggles of years past, appear to be gone now that theya re older. This year is a first for our family in that department.

Words cannot convey the immense joy I felt yesterday morning with my apron on, making brunch...with the three of them in the living room all working on a Christams puzzle I got, each cursing me becuase they couldn't pull themselves away from finding "just one more piece..."

I can think of no greater gift than a family. I am beyond Blessed.

image from here

The Cheezy Chronicles Begin

Life's been good.

After a couple of years of confusion, these past two months or so I'm feelin' increasing sparklies in my body, mind and spirit. I definitely feel I'm on my way back to the hum that was my life.

Part of these past two week's happies are that I'm really feeling the Christmas Spirit this year. My house is decorated, I've gotten the bulk of the gifts I'll be giving this year and I keep listening to my favorite Seasonal CD's. It's not unusual for me to break out in a carol or four while walking. I'm feelin' really really good.

In all this mix, I haven't felt like I've had much to share on here. I guess the tone of this blog has been primarily about my Spirit Journey, which is often me trying to figure things out..which means that I'm often lost and experiencing one form or another of internal drama. Since very little of that is going on, I haven't felt like writing here.

But I got a flash this morning, while doing my NIA time, that I'm so happy and grateful about life right now that I want to do a gratitude/appreciation series that flashed in as wanting to be called "The Cheezy Chronicles." I used to be focused on the little wonders that surround me, running around, talking about how Blessed I was and how I LOVED my life. I want to honor it all here.

So, to begin, I want to give huge thanks for feeling more "myself" (or the joyous/in tune self part, anyway). I am blown away by the gift of healing and potential I feel right now. I give thanks that I don't have to know where this will all end up. I'm so happy I listened to the little voice to do my month of breathing (which continues sporadically), and for having gone to the EFT session (which I continue to study and do a little bit of most every day).

I love the way my body feels when I'm truly happy and joyous. There's a hum of energy to it. I can feel life moving through me and I'm loving the return of that. When I tune in, it kinda feels like that buzz after a number of really nice orgasms and I envision that I am making love with Life. I am Blessed.

I am thankful for the learnings that continue here. Differeent levels of understandings and openings seem neverending. One realization opens to five more as I continue this journey. Last week, ancient issues around my mother were triggered via exchanges with two email buddies. I feel so blessed that they are coming to light now/again...to be held and cuddled and embraced a different way.

So....for the next few, however long, writings will be about the various things I feel beyond grateful for in this life. I have decided to allow GooberVoice to run wild and take center stage.

Life is grand. Indeed!!

Art from here

What Tantra Is And What It Isn't*

It's about sex and has nothing to do with sex. It's about how we approach life.

Tantra isn't memorizing and perfectly executing all the chronicled positions from the Kama Sutra. It is about being your body and following its impulses rather than some rote routine in sex.

Tantra looks like it's all about pretty and light. Which it is...but it's also about being with the Dark...which often shows up in the middle of playing in the light.

For instance- the biggest sort of cliche thing I hear about Tantra is that it's about lighting a few candles and gazing into each other's eyes (snicker, snicker). Many find this boring, silly, trite. And it can be. Sitting there looking into another's eyes while a Sting song plays in the background isn't what Tantra's all about.

Tantra is all the resistence that comes up for you when you think about doing it or actually do look into your Beloved's eyes for a half hour, going deeper into yourself and them with each passing minute. It's about not burying whatever comes up for you that gets in the way when you think about being seen and seeing someone else for an extended period of time without the distractions of talking, moving, pretending.

Can the real, quiet, you be seen?...for an extended period of time? How, when, where do you want to hide?

So what happens when you start to look into another's eyes? First off you giggle. You call it trite and silly because you feel like a poster child for all the woowoo shit that exists on the planet. You do all sorts of behaviors to avoid actually having to look into someone's eyes for an extended length of time and be seen.

But if you stay with it, and just be with whatever comes up...don't fight it...just laugh, giggle, make jokes, be and allow the flow of whatever is authentic in the moment and stay with it... things can start to change inside you in magical and unexpected ways when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to someone.

If I'm coaching and someone resists looking into another's eyes, I asks them to internally explore why they don't want to be seen. What about them is unwilling to just sit with someone else and be. What's going on that you can't slow down enough to really connect? What happens inside you when the boom chicka-chicka of porn sex is gone and you are left with only the connecting of one soul to another? What kinds of feelings are coming up that make you want to look away? Is is shame? Fear about stuff hidden?

What happens if you just allow yourself to feel that shame and keep looking into your partner's eyes? I've found that all sorts of different emotions flow into one another if I look into another's eyes for an extended period. Layer after layer comes up, flits and floats away. If I'm with a partner I may flow from love to anger to disgust, back to love again, just by not editing anything.
Often, if I just keep sitting, I start to merge with that person...boundaries stop existing. Everything starts to hum and glow. But it could also be that I never get to that place. I remain twitchy, angry, maybe even rageful.

That's Tantra, too.

Tantra is being fully present with the world.

Fully being with a cup of tea, involving all my senses and concentration, with my brain fully present right here, is way more Tantric than doing position 37 of the Kama Sutra but being disconnected from both myself and my partner. Whipping the the tar out of your lover with a cat o' nine tails with full presence is way more Tantric than trying to figure out your Christmas shopping list while pretending to look into your lover's eyes.

I've talked about tons of exercises on here to learn to be "Tantric," but each of those exercises is not Tantra. They are the path to Tantra. They get us out of our minds and into our bodies, letting go of MonkeyMind to the best we are able and learn to really hone into our bodies. The whole idea is that once one masters the exercises, you let them go as that's all they are: processes, not experience.

All of Tantra's messages for me are found in breathing fully: taking life in, letting it go, being here in the middle of all of it.

Don't forget to visit my Sweet Tantra Sister and Friend, Greenwoman, who talks about kissing for this week's Thursdays's Tantra.

______________________________

*My flavor of Tantra, anyway, smiles.

Art

Image from here.

Couple with head together in prayer from here