Day 5- Pain

Yesterday's meditation began the pain. Today it was in full glory.

My guts hurt.

Today, while breathing, there was intense pain in my abdomen. I've been doing an intestinal cleanse for some time now, preparing for a liver cleanse.

It hasn't been comfortable.

Today, my guts cried out. My hands were drawn to my belly and I began to rub. At first, my hands were drawn on each side of my torso, doing an upward motion from my pubic bone to my ribs. When I noticed that the pain was intense on my right side, I laid down and massaged that area deeply. I wished I could contort to get my elbow in there.

I kept yearning for my Rolfer, wondering if this pain was my intestines or my psoas muscle.

Tears, releases....pain melting into freedom.

Power, safety, intuition. Trust flows.

This area wants my attention.

Image:

Third Chakra from here

Day 3-Monkey Mind

Oh my...today's meditation was so scattered. I could NOT focus. Monkey Mind was victorious in all its glory.

Body was twitchy, mind followed suit. Both were all over the place. I think it was a diversionary tactic as even with the mind spludge, legs cramping/spasming, my body went into the deep intense breathing quickly and easily when the music amped up. Partly, perhaps, because I did the first part twice before the build up (as I mentioned in the last post, I like to do more breathing before the pick up and then do the strong music a bit longer....opens me more...so that was my temporary "fix" for that today).

So since I was there in Monkey Mind I just went with pondering Monkey Mind. I'm not sure why we have it. I do know it's here. I know that most meditators fight it. Heck..I do, too. But, in this flow thing I'm doing, I'm wondering why it would be excluded from flow?

It was pretty clear something was starting to come to the surface. I'm wondering if Monkey Mind was there as a protection of some sort?

What came out of the meditation today was that I got really cranky...more indication of movement (or hormones...who knows?..but I prefer to think of it as stuff moving so there it is). It feels like stuff is flushing up. I was going to get my tennis racket and hit my bed with it to get the crankies out of my body (racket was bought solely for that purpose years ago) but life got busy today with out of town visitors and it never happened. I'm wondering if it will flush up again tomorrow.

I'm watching myself internally around situations that have been going on for these last two years. They persist but I have changed.

I've gone the rounds in my internal experience of them. At first, it was a true roller coaster ride. Talk about bi-polar time! Geeeeeeez.

That was so traumatic that I decided I had to detach. And...being an intense Italian Leo, I did things big the other way, too.

So when the roller coaster issues would come up, I could feel my body push them away...almost frantically. Don't get too happy, don't believe them, protect, protect, protect. I could feel myself talk myself out of feeling good about them in case things didn't work out. What was really going on was that I was energetically bracing myself for them to fail.

I would run internally. It was almost like those cartoon characters that will stand there with their hands behind their backs, eyes to the sky and whistle. Like..maybe if I ignore it, the fear will go away. Last year this time when things would happen, not only would I leave internally, but I would often physically leave and go for a walk. In my retreat, I would really really try really hard to force peace and happiness.

And just how silly does that sound? Tricksy mind, smile. We do the best we can.

Today I noticed that I feel nothing around the same issues. Truly nothing. No hope, no excitement, no fear. I watch. I feel no need to run, hide, whistle or walk. It's kind of like: well...OK..if this works out that would be grand, but if not, that will be grand, too. And isn't it a beautiful night here?...and look at the pretty trees dancing.

I wondered if the crankies earlier today were connected to this slow evolution of finding a different internal space around the stuff. I felt like a victim, I felt shame, fear, confusion, despair...all sorts of stuff. I had a few temper tantrums last year when things got like "The Twilight Zone," but don't think I allowed anger to get it out of my body.

Who knows???

...again...for me, the beauty of this work is that I don't know, don't have to know. I just shift.

But it is fun to wonder. Brains are a trip.

Note..although I committed to doing the breathing every day, I'm probably not going to post every day...but probably at least every other day if not more.

Image:

Monkeys from here

Day 2: Quantum Light Breath

As this is a Thursday's Tantra, I thought I would talk more about a Solo practice of a Dynamic Breathing Meditation called Quantum Light Breath, along with talking about the journey.

I love a new version of the meditation by Richard Bach and the QLB Orchestra. Rather than taking pieces of music from different artists and putting them together in a compilation (as all the other previous QLB CD's have been), the music here is all live. And it's beautiful. Richard's voice is always soothing and healing- has always made me purr. Along with the asthetics of his voice, his words in the CD really trigger body awarenesses and awakenings for me.

One of the things that he keeps talking about is making love to yourself, the universe, feeling the energy all the way down to the first chakra, opening the heart to unconditionally loving the self. He also brought focus for me to that area between the heart and throat chakra that some consider a "newly activated" chakra- The Thymus Chakra, vibrating at the color turquoise. This is where my focus is today.

I first started doing Jeru Kabbal's Quantum Light Breath tape in...wow...1993....maybe earlier. It's a profound tape that was (and probably still is) used by lots of workshop leaders because it just didn't get any better in terms of effectiveness for being a tool to help people open up. The music (much of it from the soundtrack to the movie "The Mission") had people releasing all over the place. I highly recommend it as a tool for healing. I'm glad to have both in my healing audio tool box.

It was wonderful waking up earlier than I usually do these days. When I was at my happiest, feeling the freest, I was waking up at 4:30 or 5. These days, it's more like 6:30. Today I was spontaneouly wide awake at 5:15 or so. I think my desire to get back in Spiritual Shape was enough to get me up and moving. I began the meditation soon after rising, then did yoga.

It was wonderful. During the meditation, I got more deeply into the breathing today, amping it up to even more of a circular open mouth panting. I noticed after awhile that although body unthinkingly and spontaneously does a pelvic tilt whenever I breathe to release, my PC doesn't unconciously engage. I tried to remember to do so, but lost it when I got fully into the breath.

I cried more yesterday. It felt wonderful to have that release both days. One of the things I've always loved about this type of work (and why I got so hooked on it) is that it releases all sorts of stuff that I don't even have to focus on. I don't have to "know" what healing takes place, I just know that the breath brings in more life, which automatically heals. Today, I felt emotions come up, started to tear some, but then they just fluttered through. releasing to the universe.

One thing that came this time is the realization of how much energy I expend in keeping my body tight, holding in energy- my shoulders, chest, belly. Free feels better.

This time, about half way through the breathing, my whole body started to experience pain. It started in my belly, then moved through. My chest felt compressed and started to do that rattle thing I remember from doing this form of breathwork meditation long ago. I get a certain taste in my mouth that is unique to this breathing. My saliva changes consistency. After awhile, the breath started to breathe me, instead of me breathing the breath.

Which brings me to my only desire for difference in this new CD...the intense portion of the breathing is too short for me. For this reason, I will probably switch back and forth between the two versions, or also use the tape I made for myself years ago. I was really moving the energy with the intense rapid breathing when they started to slow down. My body wasn't ready to. It kept wanting to flail and move and breathe deeply/quickly/intensely. I kept it going for awhile, but the energy totally changed so my rhythm felt off. Since I'm so auditorially and physically based, I prefer the music to relflect, add to, and enhance my experience or I get discombobulated.

When I was done, there was that wonderful oneness that permeates everything. Shimmers. Yum.

My breath now, later in the day, is deeper, fuller. I'm happier and not much is affecting me. However, I'm also noticing that if I do go over into a tweak, my reaction is a little more intense. I cried at the beauty of life lots yesterday. Although feeling really peaceful and happy today, I had a fairly trivial thing happen and it really irritated me.

But, I see these as indications that things are moving, getting stirred, closer to the surface.

A grand beginning.

Don't forget to visit my Tantra Sister, Greenwoman who talks more about her solo practice here. Great stuff!!!

Images:
CD cover from here...it's where you can buy it. I bought mine from Amazon..but when I went there today, it was gone. Might want to check back as it was cheaper there.
Chakra Man from here

A 30 Day Journey

As I've said a few times in this blog, I've been kinda sorta in a bit of a limboland now for a couple of years. The cauldron's definitely been bubbling. Last Fall, I reached an all time low. Try as I might to be positive, to flow, to do/be all of that stuff, I was not a happy camper. I kept seeing it as a cycle of life, knowing it wouldn't last, but not finding respite. It kinda culminated with a huge family thing right before Christmas that jolted me big time with a situation that could have been lethal for one of my daughters. Muy scary for this Mom.

After looking at all the "what if's" and things that "could have been," ....and.... given other situations in my life that had been building and intense, I realized about April that I had to let go of lots.

Life started to turn.

About July, I feel I reached a new level of surrender and letting go. Then the beginning of August, another piece fell into place and there was an even greater release. At the same time, things in life started to "get better," incrementally.

Then last week, I went to one of my favorite blogs, be Conscious now by Kara-Leah Masina. She had a post about surrender. This led me to Zen Chill's article on letting go and surrender.

I began an internal program of surrendering even more. I refocused and made it strong intention to be even more conscious of every time I began to feel stress. If I felt a glitch in the matrix of any sort, I would try, as soon as possible, to remember trust and letting go. To feel safe. To not push down, not run. I sat even more in the middle of what used to make me twitch and which I would try to avoid to "be happy." I sat with pain if pain came up, sat with fear until it moved through, returning to remembering my Spirit. I felt myself going to a deeper level than I had been.

The idea of doing some Cathartic breathwork has been coming in over the last few weeks. Awhile ago, I had a client do a session. As she left, she asked me how often I do them. I had to answer that truthfully, it's been awhile. Until about six years ago, I had been doing them regularly but that lately my breathing practice is to just do things throughout the day in little mini meditations. Continued, gentle focus on the breath leads to the same result, but just more slowly.

That conversation stayed with me.

Life's been good but I think it's time to amp it up.

My favorite CD for breathwork was Jeru Kabbal's Quantum Light Breath. I found a new one done by a person I've mentioned on here, Richard Bach. This morning I decided to try it out for the first time. I love it.

During the meditation, it came to me to do this process every day for 30 days. As so much of life is out of my conscious control right now and I can't get a strong direction as to where to go, it came to me that what needs to happen right now is to refocus on intense Spirit Growth in a way that I haven't in a long time.

So, for the next 30 days (except when traveling):

I commit to doing this meditation at least once every day. Then throughout the day, in between sessions to continue to do mini meditations of surrender.

I commit to restarting my daily yoga practice.

I commit to getting back on the path if I fall off.

I commit to learn new levels of surrender. I am willing to let go of any relationship that does not serve, every living situation that does not serve, every idea about how my life should look, everything I know. I also let go of having any need for having anything "come out" of this adventure.

And, for the next 30 days, I will use this blog to record the journey.

Cool.

Art:

Surrender from here

Paradox

In trying to explain my worldview on here, I've focused, so far on the stuff that impacts lives in a very personal way- how we walk in the world, how we operate, live, create, find happiness. It's how I experience Spirit in every day life. This is the part of the discussion that's important to me. It's practical.

I can't know how we got here. I can't know if God is a bearded guy sitting on a throne surrounded by angels and harps. Or if she is the void. I don't know about the spark that started it all...or if there was a start....or if there wasn't, how to understand all that. The macro part of theology is out of my control or my ability to comprehend and, truth be told, it doesn't impact me so I figure why waste time on it? I'm a practical, actional, body centered, Earth based sort of gal, making her way through this plane today here and now. I've had body experiences that have led me to understandings and more questions that I continue to explore. I feel as if I'm a pretty well grounded, practical mystic.

There is, however, a bigger world and I would like to talk about it a bit here. But, again..being that Earthbound gal, I'm really only interested in how it impacts life here and today. Plus, I don't know how to talk about it in any other way. It involves what I've come to call "Embracing The Paradox Of Existence."

I am the creator of my world and a co-creator of the universe...and...I am nothing...a blip in the scheme of things

There is no time as powerful as now as it is the point of all creation...and...now is gone the minute it is born and means nothing

Humans beings are the leading edge of creation.....and....humans are a nothing in the scope of creation and life. We have been here for a nanosecond in creation's time and will be gone soon

I can never know what God is...and....when I experience that union, I have experienced God and know exactly what God is.

I am eternal.....and......I will die

Life is precious.....and......life is ubiquitous, common

I create and am fully responsible for everything in my life...and....I have absolutely no conscious control over my life

I think that when we forget about one half of the paradox, we lose balance. When we get emotionlly invested in one or the other we get lost. Focusing on being insignificant only, can lead to depression. Focusing on our divinity can bring arrogance.

But when I embrace both as equally true statements, the macro and micro are united in my "real" truth- that both are eqully true for me today and every day.

And yet...mean nothing.

This makes me happy.

Art:

Paradox of Life by Arthur Douet

This article was featured in be Conscious now's Carnival of Truth #8

Personal Development Blog List

Quelle Horreur!

Awhile back, my good friend Karen Lynch nominated me for being on a list of Outstanding Personal Growth Bloggers begun by Priscilla Palmer. I then went brain dead and forgot to post the list. I would like to add Darlene at Spirited Boutique, a new friend of mine whose site I like.

Better a bit late than never!! So...without further ado I now present the up to date list of Personal Growth Blogs!!

Personal Development List (up to date):
Aaron Potts at Today is That Day
Adam Alexander at Adam’s Peace
Adam Kayce at Monk at Work
Adam Khoo at Adam Khoo’s Philosophies and Investing Insights
AgentSully at Life Learning Today
Amber at Amber Waves
April Groves at Making Life Work For You
Argancel at C’eclair (for those who speak french)
Ash aka Mr. Biggs at One Powerful Word
Al at 7pproductions.com
Alan Torres at Made to Be Great
Alex Shalman at AlexShalman.com
Alexander Kjerulf at The Chief Happiness Officer
Alexys Fairfield at Unraveling The Spiritual Mystique
Albert Foong at urbanmonk.net
Alvaro at Sharp Brains Blog
Amber at Random Mangus
Amie Ragan at Psychology of Clutter
Amit Sodha at The Power of Choice
Amy Hedin at There is no Maximum to Human Potential
Andrea Learned at Learned on Women
Andrea J. Lee at Money, Meaning, and Beyond
Andy Wibbels at AndyWibbels.com
Anita Pathik Law at Power of Our Way
Anmol Mehta at AnmolMetha.com
Anna Farmery at The Engaging Brand
Antonio Thornton at AntonioThornton.com
Ariane Benefit at Neat & Simple Living
Ask Lucid at Ask Lucid Spiritual Development
Barb Melloh at The Law of Attraction Info
Barbara Curtis at Mommy Life
Barbara Sliter at Creatorship
Belle Wong at Abundance Journal
Ben Yoskovitz at Instigator Blog
Bill Perry at Lucid Blog
Billy Smith at The Organic Leadership Blog
Blogfuse at LifeDev
Brad Isaac at Achieve It
Brian Clark at Copyblogger
Brian Kim at briankim.net
Brian Lee at geniustypes.com
Brightfeathers at this time-this space
Brooke at Plain Advice
Bob at everyeveryminute
Bolly at Motivational Corner
Byron Katie at Byron Katie.com
Cam Beck at ChaosScenario
Cara Lumen at The Success Magnets With Cara Luman and Your Second Wind Blog
Carlon Haas at Possess Less Exist More
Catherine Carter at Continuum Wellness
Cheif Family Officer at Cheif Family Officer
Chris Brogan at Chris Brogan.com
Chris Cree at SuccessCREEations
Chris Marshall at Martial Development
Chris Melton at Soupornuts.com
Chris Owen at Pink Apple
Christine Kane at ChristineKane.com
Christine Valters Painter at Abbey of the Arts
Clyde at Feeling Good
Colin Beavan at No Impact Man
Colleen Wainwright of Communicatrix
Conceive, Believe, Achieve at Conceive, Believe, Achieve
Cooper at Wonderland or Not
Crabby McSlacker at Cranky Fitness
Craig Harper at Motivational Speaker
Curt Rosengren at Occupational Adventure
Cyres at Cyres Matters
Damian Carr at Soul Terminal
Daniel Sitter at Idea Sellers
Danny Kohn at Be Inspired Everyday
Darlene at Spirited Boutique
Darren Rowse at Problogger.net
Dave Pollard at How to Save the World
Dave Schawbel at The Personal Branding Blog
Dave Schoof at Engaging the Disquiet
Davers at Language Trainers Blog
David Allen at The David Allen Company
David Bohl at Reflections on Balance
David Finch at David Finch.com
David Richeson at 360 Degree Success
David Rogers at How to Have Great Self Confidence
David Seah at David Seah.com
David Zinger at Slacker Manager
Dawud Miracle at dmiracle.com
Dean Lacono at Law of Attraction for Beginners
Deb2012 at Fibromaylgia and Wellness
Debbie Call at Spirit In Gear
Debbie LaChusa at 10 Step Marketing Collection
Deborah aka Zephry1 at Climate of Our Future
Debra Moorhead at Debra Moorhead.com
Denise Mosawi at Destineering.com
Devlyn Steele at Tools To Life Guide
Dick Richards at Come Gather Round
Dominic Tay at Personal Development for Winners
Don Simkovich at Hey Don
Donald Latumahina at Life Optimizer
Donna Karlin at Perspectives
Donna Steinhorn at Rethinking
Douglas Eby at Talent Development Resources
Dr. Charles Parker at The Core Psych Blog
Dr. Hal at Northstar Mental fitness blog
Drew Rozell at Drew Rozell.com
Dwayne Melancon at Genuine Curiosity
E Murphy at The Active Life
Edward Mills at Evolving Times
Ellen Weber at Brain Based Business
Emily G. W. Lilly at The Science of Waldorf Education
Emmanuel Lopez at The Adventures of Motivatorman
Ellesse at Goal Setting College
Elly Jolly at Jolly Life Coaching
Enoch Tan at Mind Reality
Eric Napier at Quotation Collection
Erin Pavlina at Erin Pavlina.com
Evelyn Rodriguez at Crossroads Dispatches
Farouk Radwan at 2KnowMySelf
Frank Kanu at Frank Uncovers Excellence in Leadership
Frank Roche at KnowHR Blog
Galba Bright at Tune Up Your EQ
Garr Reynolds at Presentation Zen
Gary at Personal Strategic Plan
Gilad Buchman at Sigsug
Gleb Reys at Personal Development Ideas
Grayson at Modern Worker Blog
Greg Butler at holistic-personal-development.com
Greg Frost at ChargedAudio.com
Geoff R at Gearfire.net
George Vasu at 360
Golbguru at Money, Matter, and More Musings
Gretchen Rubin at Happiness Project
Gustav at Success-is-in-you.com
Guy Kawasaki at How to Change the World
Gyanish at Diethack
Halina Goldstein at The Inner Travel Journal
Hilda Carroll at Living Out Loud
Heather Goldsmith at A Creative Journal
Helgi Pall Einarsson at Everyday Wonderland
Henrik Edberg at The Positivity Blog
Honman at Open Your Mind to Prosperity
Ilyria at Finding Norway
Inkedmn at The Cranking Widgets Blog
Isabella Mori at MoriTherapy
Itzy Sabo at Email Overloaded
Jack Vinson at Knowledge Jolt with Jack
Jackie at The Painted Veil
Jackie at The Vegan Diet
Jacklyn Ker at Inspiring and Empowing Lives
Jarle Husefest at The Personal Development Blog
Jason and Michael at Black Belt Productivity
Jason Ivers at A Miracle a Day
Jason Womack at Fit and Effective
Jay White at dumb little man tips for life
Jean Browman at Transforming Stress Into Power and Cheerful Monk
Jeane Michelle Culp at Binding Ink
Jeanne May at Aspirations Plus
Jeannette Maw at Good Vibe Coaching
Jeanie Marshall at Empowerment and Meditation Blog and DailyAffirm: Positive Affirmations Day by Day
Jeff Davidson at Breathing Space Blog
Jeff Lilly at Druid Journal
Jeffrey Phillips at Think Faster
Jennifer at Goodness Graciousness
Jennifer Mannion at Heal Pain Naturally
Jenny and Erin at Jenny and Erin
Jeremiah Owyang at Web Strategy by Jeremiah
Jerry Hart at Blue Print to emarketing
Jerry Lopper at Personal Growth
Jessa at clairvoyantGuidance.net
Jessica Hagy at Indexed
Jim stroup at Managing Leadership
Jim Walton at Black In Business
JoLynn Braley at The Fit Shack
Joan Schramm at Accelerating Momentum
Joanna Young at Coaching Wizardry
Joanne at I’m Happy Fish
JodeeB at You Already Know This Stuff
Joe Vitale at Dr. Joe Vitale at Zero
John Pratt at John Pratt International
John Place at John Place Online
John W. McKenna at The Leadership Epidemic
John Wesley at Pick The Brain
Jon at Join The Secret
Jonathan at Smart Wealthy Rich and Freelance Folder
Jordan at The Abe Blog
Jory Des Jardin at Pause: Meaningful Work
Josh Bickford at Reach For Magnificence and Reach for Magnificence
Josh Kaufman at The Personal MBA
Judy Martin at The Work/Life Monitor
Julia Rogers Hamrick at Julia’s Blog: Journal of the Journey Home to Eden
Julie Bonner at Declutter It
Kailani at An Island Review
Kammie Kobyleski at Passion Meets Purpose
Karen at Journey with Water Learner
Karen Lynch at Live The Power
Karen Wallace at The Clearing Space
Karl Moore at Karl Blog.com
Karl Staib at Karl Staib.com
Kathy Mallary at Coaching Biz Tips
Keith Ferrazzi at Never Eat Alone
Kelly at Kellymentology
Kenton Whitman at kentonwhitman.com
Kevin Kinchen at Creative Power of Thought
Killeris at Attitude, The Ultimate Power
Kim and Jason at Escape Adulthood
Kim George at Doing What You Can Do
Kimber Chin at Client K
Kirk Nugent at Kirk Nugent.com
Kirsten Harrell at Ipopin
Krishna De at Biz Growth News and Todays Women in Business
K.L. Masina at Be Conscious Now
LJW at Heavenly Inclinations
Lauchlan Mackinnon at Think Differently
Lawrence Cheok at A Long, Long Road
Laura Young at The Dragon Slayer’s Guide to Life
Leah Maclean at Working Solo
Leigh at The Lab
Lee Nutter at bmindful
Leo Babauta at Zen Habits
Life Reflection at Universe in a Single Atom
Lilifixt at Feel Happy
Linda Salazar at Awaken The Genie Within
Lisa Braithwaite at Speak Schmeak
Lisa Gates at Design Your Writing Life
Lisa McGlaun at LifePrints - Good News for a More Compassionate World
Lisa Q at 40s Singleness-Dating in Your 40s
Lisa Van Allen at Finish Strong
Liz at Internet Marketing Strategies
Liz Strauss at Successful Blog
Lodewijkvdb at How to be an Original
Lola Fayemi at Real World Spiritual and Personal Development
Lorraine Cohen at Powerfull Living
Luciano Passuello at Litemind.com
Lucid at Spiritual Suggestions
Lumosity at Brain Health Blog
Lyman Reed at Creating a Better Life
Lyndon Antcliff at LyndonAntcliff.com and Cornwallseo.com
Lynn McTaggert at Living The Field
MT at MindTWEAKS
Maddy at Illuminated Minds Want to Know
Malathy Badri at Laws of Universe
Malcolm Campbell at The Round Table
Manny at Success Books
Maria Gajewski at Never The Same River Twice
Maria Garcia at Get Organized Now
Maria Palma at The Good Life
Marianne Williamson at Journal
Mark at The Naked Soul
Mark Forster at Get Everything Done
Mark LaPierre at The Winding Path
Mark McManus at Build Your Life To Order
Mark W Shead at Productivity 501
Martin Avis at Kickstart Daily
Mary K at Becoming Your StellarSelf
Matthew Cornell at Matt’s Idea Blog
Meg Haworth at Life Lessons From Your Soul
Melanie Benson Strick at The Success Blog
Merlin Mann at 43 Folders
Michelle at aMusing My Genius
Michelle Moore at Happiness Blog
Michael Port at The Think Big Revolution
Michael Vanderdonk at TOACH Performance
Mike Janssen at Opgestroopte Mouwen
Mike Kemski at BANABU
Mike St. Pierre at The Daily Saint
Millionaire Mommy Next Door at Millionaire Mommy Next Door
Mimi Lennox at Mimi Writes
Mizzy Bohemia at Miz BoheMia’s Rhapsody
Mona Grayson at Question The Mind
Monte Ladner at Fitness Rocks
Mr.Wang at Mr Wang Says So
My Everyday Planner at My Everyday Planner
My Mind on Books at My Mind on Books
NCN at No Credit Needed
Nancy Mills at The Spirited Woman
Nancy Tierney at Unconditional Confidence
Neil Patel at Quick Sprout
Nic Askew at Monday 9AM Blog
Nick Smith at Life 2.0
Nneka at Balanced Life Center
Organize-It at Organize-It
Pamala Slim at Escape From Cubicle Nation
Pamm Larry at My Spiritual Dance
Patricia Singleton at Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker
Patti Digh at 37 Days
Paul at Paul’s Tips
Paul Piotrowski at Self Help Wisdom
Paula Kawal at Paula Kawal.com
Peggy Payne at Peggy Payne’s Boldness Blog
Peter at I Will Change Your Life
Peter Aldin at Great Circle
Peter Haslem at Necessary Skills
Phil Gerbyshak at Make It Great
Philippe Matthews at Shockwealth
Pia at Courting Destiny
Priscilla Palmer at Personal Development Demands Success
Quint Jensen at Win Your Mind
Raymond Salas at Zenchill Powertools
Real Modern Man at Real Modern Man
Reg Adkins at ElementalTruths
Ricardo at Wake Up Tiger
Rich Schefren at Strategic Profits
Rick Cockrum at Shards of Consciousness
Rick Cooper at The PDA Pro
Ririan at Ririanproject
Rob at 7Breaths
Rob Cooke at Leave the Office
Robert at Compassionate Council
Robert at Myselfdev
Robert Ashcroft at PDSS Online
Robin Skeen at Robin’s Reflections
Robin Yapp at Yapp 3.0
Robyn McMaster at Brain Based Biz
Roger Von Oech at Creative Think
Rolf F. Katzenberger at Evomend
Rosa Say at Managing With Aloha Coaching
Ryan Marle at The Alpha Project
S.J. Yee at Personal Development for the Book Smart
Sam at Aquire Wisdom and Live with Passion
Scott Adams at The Dilbert Blog
Scott Berkun at Berkun Blog
Scott Bernadot at Keeping The Secret
Scott Ginsberg at Hello, My Name Is Blog
Scott H Young at Scott H Young
Scott McArthur at McArthur’s Rant
Secret Simon at The Secret of Life
Self Pursuit at Self Pursuit
Senia at Senia.com Positive Psychology Coaching
Seth Godin at Seth’s Blog
at 2KnowMySelf
Shane Navratil at Zoomstart
Shauna Arthurs at Breathing Prosperity and Follow Your Path
Shaheen Lakhan at GNIF Brain Blogger
Simone at Dynamic Living
Simone and Mandy at Outfit Inspirations
Single Ma at Single Ma’s Fabulous Financials
Slade Roberson at Shift Your Spirits and Spiritual Blogging
Sleeping Dude at How to Wake Up Early
Sonora Jayne Case at Positive Realities Coaching
Sophiagurl at Life is Just Around the Corner
Spike at Organize It
Start Up Coach at Take Charge of Your Life
Stephanie and Jeffrey at Brains on Purpose
Steve Beisheim at Jumping Ship Happens
Steve King at The Green Geek
Steve Olson at Steve-Olson.com
Steve Pavlina at stevepavlina.com
Steve Roesler at All Things Workplace
Stephen at HD bizblog
Stephen Hopson at Adversity University
Steven Aitchison at Change Your Thoughts
Success Current at SuccessCurrent.com
Sue Ann Edwards at Always Embraces All Ways
Surjit at Gurushabad
Susan at Got2BeGreen
Susan Sabo at Productivity Cafe
Suzanne Bird-Harris at Learning Curve Coaching
Takuin Minamoto at Takuin.com
Ted Demopoulos at Blogging For Business
Terry Starbucker at Ramblings From a Glass Half Full
Thom Quinn at Qlog
Tiffany at Little Red Suit
Tim Ferris at 4-Hour Workweek and Lifestyle Design Blog
Tim Taylor at My Agapic Life
Tim Warren at Personal Development4U
Tom Peters at Tom Peters.com
Tom Spanton at TRCoach
Tom Van Brunscot of Transformation Economy
Tony Chimento at Living Forward
Tony D Clark at Success From The Nest
Torlink at You Create Reality
Travis A. Sinquefield at Disorganizational Behavior
Travis Wright at Cultivate Greatness
Tricia at Blogging Away Debt
Tricia at Loving Farewells
Trizoko at Trizoko.com
Trent Hamm at The Simple Dollar
Trevor Gay at Simplicity is the Key
Troy Worman at Orbit Now!
Tuck Self at Rebel Belle Blog
Tupelo Kenyon at Tupelokenyon.com
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Tantra- On Being Solo

In her Thursday's Tantra Post of a couple weeks ago, Greenwoman said:

"I am learning to trust this practice more and more as the weeks of solitary practice unfold also....though I will admit to not doing the pc exercises and the rocking with it most of the time. It is so stimulating to my sex drive that I find myself feeling horribly frustrated with it. I am not getting much sex or sexual/emotional intimacy, so it makes me feel really lonely to have my libido stroked, which is what the rocking and flexing does for me. Perhaps Pamm, who started her study of Tantra as a solitary practitioner, will give that one her attention and tell me how that's worked out for her....so in case you are wondering. No. This solitary practice has not been including masturbation for me.

I fully expect to hear that this part of it will work just the same as the breathing does. *sigh...*"

As Greenwoman stated, I began my "official" Tantric training when I single. Actually, I was newly separated. I had been doing stuff I read about on my own before that, but I didn't have a partner even in my then husband, a Fundamentalist Christian who thought I was evil. That didn't preclude me having amazing Tantric experiences with him, however. It's just that I hadn't had partner consciously participating with me. So what I guess I'm trying to convey is that not only can Tantra be practiced with a partner, it can be practiced alone. And it can be practiced with someone making love with you but not simultaneously consciously engaged in the practice.

Yes, doing the pelvic tilt, kegels and breathing alone can and definitely does bring up the energy.

My solitary practice sometimes included self pleasuring. When it did, I always did it ritualistically. In other words, I would connect to my Higher Self and Shiva energy then offer myself/orgasm up in prayer/connection with the Divine. I had one practice where I would bring the energy up just to the point of orgasm, stop, do intense forceful breathing, hold the breath, engage all the bandhas, then let the air out in a hissing noise, feel the energy disperse, then bring the energy up again. I would eventually get the rhythm to the point of a few strokes, then stop and disperse just until it wasn't the edge, then a few more, then back again for upwards of a half hour or more, all the while breathing, holding, dispersing, etc. It was pretty powerful stuff.

I remember a few other times, where I was actually celibate. Once was for three months, another for about nine. In both cases, I started to get fairly strong streaming energy going within a month. ( I can feel a slight hum all the time when I tune in, but this was much stronger) While I could feel this stronger energy all the time during those periods to varying, there were times when they would explode into intense full body orgasms when I least expected it. (once in a very quiet library where I could not stop a moan....oooopss...smile).

But even when I came out of celibacy and did have Tantric partners, there might be periods of time in between when I wouldn't see them. Then Solitary practice was all I had. Good Tantric partners are few and far between so I learned to make love with myself, even when not self pleasuring.

Powerful Tantric energy and healing can occur when even one partner focuses on circulating energy. It can't help but be felt by the other partner, even if they aren't doing any conscious Tantric practice (breath, moving energy, connecting with partner, creating a circle of light, etc.) My partners have spontaneously shifted when I tune in to bringing the energy up from my first chakra to my heart and offering it back to theirs, seeing it flow to their first and back to me.

While always nice to have a partner consciously practicing, I find that if I let go of that need which blocks the free flow of healing energy, I experience profound stuff. Tantra is about flow and non-resistence. Sometimes, smile, it's about being with the flow of resistence. It's all cycles. Solo time is just one of them. All of relationship is about first tuning in with the self, then sharing that with another and the Dance of that play. This is not only in sex, but in all aspects of all relationship- how am I alone and how am I with another? It's in deciding what kind of sex to have now, to how a couple will handle their money situation, to where they will go on a vacation, to which movie to watch when she likes comedies and he wants to watch a more cerebral movie.

So where do I go when I'm in an alone cycle? There's something very powerful about raising sexual energy and just sitting with it, not needing to have it met or dissipated in any way. Just sit. If alone comes up, I feel alone and watch it as it transmutes (because it always does). If I feel horny, feel horny shudder through. If I feel elated, I feel that oozie its way through. Here this moment is. I'm feeling this sexual energy, it's my Sacred, alive, juicy body. I will make love to Me and Life. Breathe, feel the orgasmic energy flow, smile, aaaaaaahhhh.....

Don't forget to go visit my dear friend Greenwoman who talks about Solitary Practice again today.

Images:

ShaktiShiva from here

Goddessvega 7 from here

T-Island Dream from here